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Original poster

DD making her own way home from a bar job in the city centre.

157 replies

Theteenagerera · 26/02/2025 17:56

DD has just turned 18 and is currently doing her A levels, she has an unconditional for a uni away from home and so will be moving to said city in the summer.

She has had a few part time jobs in her teens but due to a family house move last year had to leave the last one and has struggled to find anything since.

We live on the outskirts of not a particularly nice city and it’s a good 45-50 minutes home by bus. She has just had an interview for a city centre pub and was asked if she could work to 2am which DD has said is not a problem!!

We have just had words on her way home as while I’m glad the interview went well I just don’t think I’d be comfortable with her getting a night bus back on her own while the pubs and clubs are piling out. Her argument is she hasn’t been able to find anything else so it’s this or nothing and I know she really wants the money.

For full transparency we have never put any pressure on her to find a job however I don’t think she has put as much effort into the hunting as she says she has…

some of that is not her fault as obv mid A levels however she also has the classic teen mentality things she wants will just fall into her lap and when nervous and can come across quite fumbly with words so nothing has come of introducing herself and handing CV’s into places or phone call to potential employers despite her having barista, front of house, till/closing up experience.

AIBU to think that she probably can find something with more suitable hours if she tried and that it’s quite dangerous for a young girl (albeit an adult, just,) to be walking about, standing at a bus stop and making her way home at 2am?!

The reason I brought moving away from uni and that I posted on here before I discuss with DH is he much more laid back than me already thinks that I am over protective and I know his response is going to be “she is 18 and is going to have to navigate all this stuff on her own in a few months” which I agree to an extent but I feel while she is at home we should still be guiding her to make safe and sensible decisions.

AIBU and would you be happy for your own DC to do this?

OP posts:
Bigwitsits · 26/02/2025 20:34

SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 26/02/2025 20:29

That’s just called having teens I’m afraid! Sacrifices are needed. That being said I’d do everything in my power to avoid my DD needing to work such antisocial hours in the midst of A levels.

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I have a 19 year old. Have never had to collect them at 2am. They arrange lifts with friends or book taxis.

LoveFridaynight · 26/02/2025 20:32

I wouldn't be happy. I'm not happy that my 18 year old has just had an interview in a pub, although she'd be finishing at 12 not 2.
I think it's too dangerous personally. Yes she'll be sober but also on her own, which makes it worse.
But she's 18, you can't stop her and if it's the only job she can get there's not a lot you can do.

TenderChicken · 26/02/2025 20:31

YABU to tell her not to take the job. You would be reasonable to talk through scenarios she might find herself in, or to let her know there are apps to help with women's safety at night.

To be cheesy: don't clip her wings, help her fly.

InWithThePlums · 26/02/2025 20:29

OCDmama · 26/02/2025 20:15

Your understanding if the job market and how to get a job is so wildly out of date.

No, walking up and down the high street with a paper CV will not get you anywhere. You'll just annoy people.

And there are hundreds of applicants per job. An 18 year old will already be at a disadvantage - your dd has done well if she does get this gig.

Tbf the walking up and down thing has worked for my brother and a friend recently so it’s not always that way. I had a very hard time looking for a similar kind of thing online last year.

SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 26/02/2025 20:29

Bigwitsits · 26/02/2025 20:23

How can you do that if you have to get up for work yourself in the morning?

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That’s just called having teens I’m afraid! Sacrifices are needed. That being said I’d do everything in my power to avoid my DD needing to work such antisocial hours in the midst of A levels.

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 26/02/2025 20:28

I think there's a difference between this situation and going out drinking with friends until 2am then walking back together for example at uni. Of course there is the odd occasion that finding your own way home is necessary (if meeting up with friends you don't live with etc) but I wouldn't be happy with this on a regular basis

Loveduppenguin · 26/02/2025 20:25

Bigwitsits · 26/02/2025 20:23

How can you do that if you have to get up for work yourself in the morning?

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Because I would, I would go to bed earlier and I would do it for my dc. It’s not EVERY night.

Bigwitsits · 26/02/2025 20:23

Loveduppenguin · 26/02/2025 20:15

I don’t know what to say @Theteenagerera but all I know is my parents would collect me when I worked that late. No questions asked. And I would do the same for me dc. But that’s just us.

How can you do that if you have to get up for work yourself in the morning?

Original poster
Theteenagerera · 26/02/2025 20:20

OCDmama · 26/02/2025 20:15

Your understanding if the job market and how to get a job is so wildly out of date.

No, walking up and down the high street with a paper CV will not get you anywhere. You'll just annoy people.

And there are hundreds of applicants per job. An 18 year old will already be at a disadvantage - your dd has done well if she does get this gig.

I’m not sure where your understanding of this has came from but this is exactly how DD has found her last 3 jobs.

OP posts:
Sunat45degrees · 26/02/2025 20:19

I also just want to say that parents worrying about teenagers or young adults, or even into "proper" adulthood is normal. That doesn't mean we should try to stop them from doing things. Part of our job as parents is to suck up th eworry and help them learn to navigate these challenges.

Tumbleweed44 · 26/02/2025 20:18

OCDmama · 26/02/2025 20:15

Your understanding if the job market and how to get a job is so wildly out of date.

No, walking up and down the high street with a paper CV will not get you anywhere. You'll just annoy people.

And there are hundreds of applicants per job. An 18 year old will already be at a disadvantage - your dd has done well if she does get this gig.

My DC got a job like this last summer. No luck on any of the websites. Loads of independent business still hire like this.

Sunat45degrees · 26/02/2025 20:18

YANBU to worry.

YABU to expect her not to tke this job.

An 18 year old taking a night bus is not really that big a deal. Yes, a young woman alone, is absolutely more vulnerable and the risk of drunk, stupid people is there. BUT, avoiding this completely is not goign to help her navigate these challenges and frankly, as she'll be sober (I assume) she's LESS vulnerable than many.

Roselilly36 · 26/02/2025 20:17

I would be worried too.

Loveduppenguin · 26/02/2025 20:15

I don’t know what to say @Theteenagerera but all I know is my parents would collect me when I worked that late. No questions asked. And I would do the same for me dc. But that’s just us.

OCDmama · 26/02/2025 20:15

Your understanding if the job market and how to get a job is so wildly out of date.

No, walking up and down the high street with a paper CV will not get you anywhere. You'll just annoy people.

And there are hundreds of applicants per job. An 18 year old will already be at a disadvantage - your dd has done well if she does get this gig.

Onlycoffee · 26/02/2025 20:15

My DD was in a similar position and we similarly panicked!

However what I learnt and saw for myself was that the bus stops are usually well populated at 2am and the night buses are usually busy with students and young people.

Having said that, every time she was on a 2am finish I woke at 2am. I'd text her about her shift etc and go back to sleep when she was on the bus.

How many nights will she be finishing at 2am?

OCDmama · 26/02/2025 20:12

RaininSummer · 26/02/2025 19:46

I think you're right that they won't do it but I still think they should if employing young non drivers. It's a dangerous world and a young woman regularly finishing work late is vulnerable.

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If they were pressed to all that would happen is they would move to employing men, or people with their own transport. There's enough people looking for jobs that they don't need to employ anyone that will require extra fannying about.

IME, pubs and restaurants really don't give a shit about employees.

Tumbleweed44 · 26/02/2025 20:07

MyKingdomforaNewUsername · 26/02/2025 19:56

A city centre car park would take a chunk of her wages. Plus she'd have to walk through the car park late at night.

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Driving would open up opportunities for jobs further afield and maybe nearer her home.

Loads of city centres have free parking after a certain time.

Goldenswan · 26/02/2025 20:06

If Wetherspoons, they often let the staff move to a pub nearest university then back to original in holiday. And she will be popular at university with her Wetherspoons discount. They also pay above minimum wage.
What about a scooter?

Schoolchoicesucks · 26/02/2025 20:03

The uni bar I used to work in would pay for (shared) cab fares home for the student bar staff when closing after midnight. I don't think that was common practice outside of student bars though.

MyKingdomforaNewUsername · 26/02/2025 19:56

Tumbleweed44 · 26/02/2025 18:01

If she is 18 can she drive?

Personally, no I would not like this for my DC but my DC could drive from 17 and a half and started Uni two weeks after turning 18 so the issue never came up when they were at home.

Edited

A city centre car park would take a chunk of her wages. Plus she'd have to walk through the car park late at night.

JulietSierra · 26/02/2025 19:56

My dd is exactly the same age and is in her last year of school, about to do A levels. She turned 18 last weekend and had her first night out in town which I was a bit worried about but knew that she would stick with her friends and that they’d all get an Uber back together.
I would hate her to be working til the early hours and getting a bus back by herself though! It’s a totally different situation. Being by herself does make your dd more vulnerable. What if some creep follows her from the bar to the bus stop? Who’s going to help her?Yes, she’s 18, legally an adult and you have no right to stop her. But if it was my dd I’d try my damndest! So I’m with you op, Yanbu!

HeddaGarbled · 26/02/2025 19:55

My daughter and all her friends would get Ubers if they were on their own in cities at that time of night.

SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 26/02/2025 19:51

Can’t you just give her an allowance to tide her over until she can get a summer job? Right now she needs to be focusing on exams, the last thing she needs is to be working all hours and traipsing home through the city in the middle of the night.

Beautifulweeds · 26/02/2025 19:49

Oh the days we did this, while away as students in other countries, with no mobile phones! A couple of phone calls a week to say we were OK, now seconds with a mobile. Xx

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