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AIBU?

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DD making her own way home from a bar job in the city centre.

157 replies

Theteenagerera · 26/02/2025 17:56

DD has just turned 18 and is currently doing her A levels, she has an unconditional for a uni away from home and so will be moving to said city in the summer.

She has had a few part time jobs in her teens but due to a family house move last year had to leave the last one and has struggled to find anything since.

We live on the outskirts of not a particularly nice city and it’s a good 45-50 minutes home by bus. She has just had an interview for a city centre pub and was asked if she could work to 2am which DD has said is not a problem!!

We have just had words on her way home as while I’m glad the interview went well I just don’t think I’d be comfortable with her getting a night bus back on her own while the pubs and clubs are piling out. Her argument is she hasn’t been able to find anything else so it’s this or nothing and I know she really wants the money.

For full transparency we have never put any pressure on her to find a job however I don’t think she has put as much effort into the hunting as she says she has…

some of that is not her fault as obv mid A levels however she also has the classic teen mentality things she wants will just fall into her lap and when nervous and can come across quite fumbly with words so nothing has come of introducing herself and handing CV’s into places or phone call to potential employers despite her having barista, front of house, till/closing up experience.

AIBU to think that she probably can find something with more suitable hours if she tried and that it’s quite dangerous for a young girl (albeit an adult, just,) to be walking about, standing at a bus stop and making her way home at 2am?!

The reason I brought moving away from uni and that I posted on here before I discuss with DH is he much more laid back than me already thinks that I am over protective and I know his response is going to be “she is 18 and is going to have to navigate all this stuff on her own in a few months” which I agree to an extent but I feel while she is at home we should still be guiding her to make safe and sensible decisions.

AIBU and would you be happy for your own DC to do this?

OP posts:
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RaininSummer · 28/02/2025 22:12

Blimey you have strong opinions here too. I think an 18 year old still studying is a little different to, for instance, a parent needing to work to pay bills. I just think the particular job with the very late bus and long bus travel home isn't worth the risks. Definitely admire the girl's work ethic and it's totally up to her.

RawBloomers · 28/02/2025 17:35

RaininSummer · 28/02/2025 08:57

Ha ha. Of course it's her decision. Just my thoughts not a judgement oh weird one.

Your thoughts on what? How awful the DD must be for wanting to earn money that you won’t deign to?

Fuck all to do with the actual dilemma, but let’s point out that her DD has different values about the value of her time to your own?

RaininSummer · 28/02/2025 08:57

RawBloomers · 28/02/2025 00:07

Since it would be the DD who was making the journey and the money, your judgment on whether it’s worthwhile isn’t really relevant, only hers is.

Ha ha. Of course it's her decision. Just my thoughts not a judgement oh weird one.

HollaHolla · 28/02/2025 00:52

When I was 18, I worked until 3am, both Friday & Saturday night, in our local nightclub. If you worked until after midnight, you got taken home in the staff people carrier/taxi (the night porter - it was a hotel - drove people in 2 or 3 carloads.)
It was good experience of being an adult, and having to manage myself.
If it helps, I also lived very near a (then heavily populated) Forces base. It got a bit fighty every second Wednesday, when they got paid, but I only worked that late in the week, when it was the holidays....
I'd get her to ask about what scheme they use to ensure safety of workers getting home. Assume there is one, rather than be apologetic about it.

Princesssuperstar · 28/02/2025 00:19

Ask her if she could 'buddy up?' leave at the same time as co-worker that will be on the same bus? This is the safest way as she will not be alone

RawBloomers · 28/02/2025 00:07

RaininSummer · 27/02/2025 21:39

Tbh whether it's bus or car, I think a 40 to 50 minute journey home at 2am is a bit much for a part time minimum wage job.

Since it would be the DD who was making the journey and the money, your judgment on whether it’s worthwhile isn’t really relevant, only hers is.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/02/2025 22:17

I read your update OP, fair enough you've made your decision, but i feel you are wrong. By saying she can't get a nightbus home when sober after honest work you are also saying she cannot get the bus home after being out clubbing or socialising. So you are effectively saying a young adult is not allowed by her parents to go to the city unless her Dad comes to collect her. Poor DD.

Potsofpetals · 27/02/2025 22:12

She needs to learn to drive as a priority. I don’t know why we don’t teach it as a skill in school.

RentalWoesNotFun · 27/02/2025 22:07

richardosmanstrousers · 27/02/2025 21:23

@RentalWoesNotFun

Perhaps OP you should email Wetherspoons and ask what their plans are to ensure staff leaving in the early hours get home safely.

Why do you think they would reply to a random person asking this?

Good point. Perhaps I've worked in the public sector first too long where we answer anything and everything.

If the op framed it as "I would like to enquire about your policy for ensuring staff leaving the premises in the early hours of the morning please as I am considering applying for a position with your company but I don't drive and wonder how I would get home" she may or may not get an answer.

RaininSummer · 27/02/2025 21:39

Tbh whether it's bus or car, I think a 40 to 50 minute journey home at 2am is a bit much for a part time minimum wage job.

user2848502016 · 27/02/2025 21:24

I would look into how much an uber would cost and whether it's worth it for her to pay that from what she earns working until 2am.
You could also just get the night bus home with her one time to see what it's actually like, she might decide she wouldn't feel comfortable anyway or you might both think it's better than you feared

Sharptonguedwoman · 27/02/2025 21:24

latetothefisting · 27/02/2025 21:20

for a 40-50 minute journey at 2am on a weekend, probably more than she would earn for the whole shift

Sadly true, didn't realise. sorry

richardosmanstrousers · 27/02/2025 21:23

@RentalWoesNotFun

Perhaps OP you should email Wetherspoons and ask what their plans are to ensure staff leaving in the early hours get home safely.

Why do you think they would reply to a random person asking this?

latetothefisting · 27/02/2025 21:20

Sharptonguedwoman · 27/02/2025 09:18

Medical student I know used to Uber home from late night bar shifts. Is it worth looking at what this would cost?

for a 40-50 minute journey at 2am on a weekend, probably more than she would earn for the whole shift

RawBloomers · 27/02/2025 20:11

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 19:57

Not necessarily.

Free taxis home when there is an available alternative would ordinarily be considered a benefit. Nothing about OP’s DD’s case that she’s mentioned would indicate it falls into an extraordinary category. There should probably be an alternative she can rely on if the bus doesn’t turn up or if the police issue guidance that women should be careful in the area after 10 pm or something. But going home late at night on the bus is an ordinary activity that lots of women undertake.

RawBloomers · 27/02/2025 19:59

OP she’s 18 and it’s really up to her.

If you’ve moved to a place where she can’t get other work, you aren’t prepared to go pick her up at 2 am and you aren’t prepared to give her the money she’s missing out on I think it’s pretty reprehensible of you to try and stop her legally earning money.

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 19:57

RawBloomers · 27/02/2025 19:56

If there is public transport available then they will not be obliged to pay for a taxi, and any such payment would almost certainly be a taxable benefit.

Not necessarily.

RawBloomers · 27/02/2025 19:56

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 19:50

There is a legal responsibility. I remember the court case.

If there is public transport available then they will not be obliged to pay for a taxi, and any such payment would almost certainly be a taxable benefit.

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 19:53

Do some googling.

This is just one of many links with legal advice:

https://www.streetsweb.co.uk/about/news/2024/jul/2/late-night-taxi-for-an-employee/

There is no specific requirement for employers to provide employees with transport home. Nevertheless, an employer has a duty of care to their employees, which means that they should take all steps which are reasonably possible to ensure their health, safety and wellbeing.

Ensuring that an employee gets safely home during unsocial working hours could fall within the employer's 'duty of care'. Often in these situations an employer will pay for a late night taxi for an employee to travel home from work. This can also happen where there is a breakdown in a car sharing arrangement.

If the OP is concerned this is what she should focus on.

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 19:50

AllGonePeteTonged · 27/02/2025 19:49

@RedToothBrush

I get that some employers get their staff a cab home, which is great, but the previous poster who said about it inferred they have a duty of care to do so!

That won't happen in this case as they live too far from work!

There is a legal responsibility. I remember the court case.

AllGonePeteTonged · 27/02/2025 19:49

@RedToothBrush

I get that some employers get their staff a cab home, which is great, but the previous poster who said about it inferred they have a duty of care to do so!

That won't happen in this case as they live too far from work!

sausageupanalley · 27/02/2025 19:39

Similar situation here op though my DD is in the year above and is a fresher at uni. After the first week of her walking a mile at 3am to wait for a bus I've managed to convince her to get an Uber and I go halves with her. I told her it wasn't a matter of if but when something bad happened to her, which I strongly believe to be true sadly

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 19:37

AllGonePeteTonged · 27/02/2025 17:05

Oh come on. Be realistic!

And if that was the case they would only give the jobs to staff who lived nearby so that taxis are cheaper!

This is a thing. Employer do late night taxis.

RentalWoesNotFun · 27/02/2025 19:24

I am being realistic. In Glasgow a club gets taxis home for their staff. Or at least they used to. That's how I know about the phrase duty of care.

One of the women I went out with told me that they looked after their staff, as her daughter worked there, and I asked the question about how she got home and she said the pub got groups of staff going the same direction home into a pre-booked taxi and dropped the girls off one by one.

I don't know how long they had to wait for a taxi only that it did happen. It wasn't Wetherspoons though.

Perhaps OP you should email Wetherspoons and ask what their plans are to ensure staff leaving in the early hours get home safely. Then you'll have your answer. Use an email address that doesn't have the same surname your daughter has though!!

AllGonePeteTonged · 27/02/2025 17:05

RentalWoesNotFun · 27/02/2025 16:26

I thought there was a duty of care involved. Google says:
In the UK, while there is no explicit legal requirement for employers to provide transport home for late-night bar staff, their "duty of care" means they should take reasonable steps to ensure their employees can get home safely, particularly when public transport is limited, which could include providing taxis in certain situations where the commute is considered unsafe due to the late hour.

Oh come on. Be realistic!

And if that was the case they would only give the jobs to staff who lived nearby so that taxis are cheaper!