Aibu to treat gfs differently to bfs?

At her age, a sleepover with a romantic partner is not appropriate. It's too intense. Doffocult of they are in the same friend group in which case if its a group sleepover I'd maybe agree if they are in separate beds and others are in he same room

I think it depends of whether your issue is then having sex or of its pregnancy risk.

If the issue is sex, then the rules are the same if gf/gf or gf/bf.
If the issue is pregnancy, then yes gf/gf is much less of an issue.

Personally, my issue would be having sex, especially at that age.
I wouldnt want to condone a 12yo potentially having sex in my house.
I would have issues around their respective maturity, ability to handle relationships, consent etc…
Imo Theyre both too young to be put in a situation where an adult is basically saying it’s ok to have sex.

No sleepovers with romantic partners, she’s too young. The girl can stay over but only as part of a group sleepover like any other friend. You can explain it’s just a boundary to support healthy relationships as it could make things very intense very quickly if they do stay together, even friendships can be very intense at that age.

But they aren’t just friends anymore. No one has suggested you stop sleepovers with friends.

All the comments re: pregnancy etc are not de-railing the thread, they are comments on the difference in allowing sleepovers with partners of either sex.

Fundamentally you are rather ignoring what everyone is saying: 13 and 12 is way too young to allow sleepovers and bed sharing, regardless of sex. It’s very intimate and has emotional and psychological consequences and allowing it so young is inevitably setting you up for issues in the future if you want different rules. Better to say no, not til 16 as a blanket rule, and then consider the position afresh when she (and any partner) are 16.

From the sounds of it I think other parents would prefer it if you did.

Pregnancy and St’s aside, children of this age are emotionally immature and sleepovers as anything other than friends in separate beds is wrong imo.
If, when, the relationship ends girls can be equally, if not more, tricky to deal with and can be vicious
Only recently a poor 12 year old girl committed suicide after being attacked by her former best friend and 2 attacks at least were filmed.
I know times are different but my kids only ever had a bf or gf sleepover after a relationship of several months and the youngest was 18.
Surely they can meet up and go out at weekends?

Don’t forget that the emotional side is just as high risk (or more, if your DD is experimenting with who she is and feels pressure to conform). A friend had a DD who similarly declared that a friend had become a girlfriend and she was a lesbian. My friend was satisfied that her DD was responsible, talked to her parents about things, sensible kid etc and she allowed sleepovers from day 1. This resulted in them barely spending a night apart, her DD was isolated from friends, began to struggle in ways not expected. If it had been a boy, there’s no way my friend would have allowed her DD to spend such a vast amount of time alone with them. It did not end well.

What happened during the sleepover though to change things? It sounds as though something sexual has already happened between them to change the relationship in your daughter's eyes - in which case as others have said this is likely to continue regardless of sleep over rules.

A sleepover with someone they’re “in a relationship” with is off limits at 13. Pps have said “if they want to do sexual things then they’ll find a way” - this may be true but you’re making it easier, and more importantly you’re effectively giving them permission by allowing a sleepover.

Put down boundaries and explain that sleepovers are not appropriate for ‘romantic’ relationships until they’re adults (or above the age of consent if you’re happy with that, many parents aren’t as it intensifies the relationship while they’re still very young).

You wouldn’t allow it with a boy so don’t allow it with a girl if they’re more than just friends. Pregnancy and STIs aren’t the only reason you should not allow a sleepover with a boy, it’s too much and too intense for a romantic partner of any sex, at that age.

It all sounds wayyyy too much for a 12yo and a 13yo. I agree with PP, no more sleepovers for now.

But you say your DD is bisexual so her female partners maybe bisexual too.

I would steer away from the advice that lesbians are less likely to contract STI’s even if statistically this is true as it only takes one partner. Very ignorant way to inform your DC’s future sexual health.

What do you mean by the comment “this is the first person your DD has dated that she actually likes? “

why does she feel the need to have a gf or bf?

"Dd is 13 and bisexual. Her current gf is a year younger and the first boy/girl she's dated she actually seems to like."

OP, this is a child, "dating" an even younger child. How long has your child been having such relationships?

Absolutely not. The risk of pregnancy is hardly the only reason it's far too young to sleepover with a boyfriend or girlfriend at age 12 and 13!!

Not necessarily and only regarding pregnancy especially if they are bisexual. STI’s aren’t bothered if you are a boy or a girl.

Absolutely agree, just wanted to point out that if they wish to do something, unfortunately they could even without with sleepover limit. But at the end of the day, it's your home and your boundaries within the home.

Personally, aside from the sexual element, I think I'd have a no sleepover rule for new relationships, maybe less than 6 months. To show boundaries and that they don't need to be in each other's pockets. Young relationships can be so intense.