How are women supposed to survive this?

Ho perimenopause what hell. I went almost completely mad and couldn't remember my own name half the time. Awful experience.
HRT cured me almost immediately don't even hesitate. Nobody needs that.
I actually had a breakdown because of the perimenopause snd dprnt the best part of 6 months in bed.
Then I got up, changed my GP, got HRT not taking no for an answer, got my bloods done, had an iron transfusion privately as I was always so low and turned my life around.
The only thing I wish I'd done was see a private HRT doctor and been prescribed testosterone as well but I didn't know about that at the time.

Don't be disingenous; I am not criticising, I am saying hrt is not suitable for everyone, and that those who have immediately posted 'hrt' should be aware that for a myriad of reasons, it is not suitable for some.
The OP said she was worried about it, and rightly so.

HRT is well worth it, although I really recommend if you can afford it going private to get the right dose/kind. It’s a bit of trial and error.

We now have the knowledge as to how HRT can help. Use it. 25 years ago I knew nothing about HRT or the menopause to be honest. My mum and aunts died in their late 40s early 50s so I had no females around me I was a nightmare. I was going through a divorce (who knows if the peri menopause contributed), I had young children and I was shouty resentful mum. I look back now and feel sad for my kids. Once I found HRT I became a better person. I now run, yoga, weights. They all help I’m sure.

Try another GP. Consider counseling for your past, it seems like you have been coping well but perhaps issues are coming to the surface now.

The OP has asked for advice and how women survive it. Other people have replied with what worked for them whether it he HRT or something else.

Yes, they've advised her to go to the GP but that's what most people advise when someone isn't feeling well - whatever the reason.

If you have an alternative suggestion, why not share that instead of criticising others?

HRT. I had bad and totally out of character anxiety. It was really disturbing. I didn’t really think the HRT would work on that, but it did! Within a few weeks, I felt myself again. It also greatly improved my thinning hair and my skin.

Try it, OP! You can do a trial for 6 months. I asked my GP what she’d take and followed her recommendation (Evorel oestrogen patch plus Utrogestan tablets).

Right. HRT is such a game changer. I was struggling to function effectively at work and my relationships with friends and family were suffering.
My older sister took me aside and suggested going to the doctors and asking about HRT. I still had periods but my cycle was all over the place and they were very heavy.
I am now in my 70's and still on it. My 97 year old aunt came off it in her 80's.
It's all about your quality of life OP, you have to work, you have to cope with all the stresses and strains that life chucks at you. Some lucky souls sail through the menopause, others don't you do what's best for you!
Good luckx

Get full bloods done at doc and make sure you get your iron and thyroid levels checked.

Another vote for HRT and magnesium. I have a spray for my feet and eat 2 little pineapple flavoured chews at bedtime.

Previously I was having terrible sleep, being wide awake from 2 or 3am every night.

My GP listened to my list of symptoms and put me straight on HRT patches. She suggested the coil but I didn't want that.

Go back to your GP or ask to see another if they're being hesitant about HRT. It really helps.

Hi,
I am a single parent with a full-time job, and have been for over a decade. My DC are slightly older than yours and I am in my early fifties. I don’t take HRT so I cannot speak to that part. But being a single parent and having all of the financial load is exhausting and it has effects on your body. People say oh take some time off or whatever, this is not really possible. Part of the issue is that you are in a situation which is very difficult because you need to be constantly on and responding. The good news for you, I think, is that you are only 42 and your youngest is already eleven and it does get easier as the DC gain independence. But it is difficult.

I second the suggestion to get your iron levels checked first and foremost. I can end up anaemic quite easily. Also vitamin D makes a big difference to my energy levels especially at this time of year.
Once my youngest was old enough to join the gym, I joined us up and that was how I lost weight - I do weights not just cardio. Diet is mainly plants and proteins. I also use hair masks very regularly to condition my hair. My hair went through a phase of coming out but it grew back.

I did take antidepressants for the anxiety for a while and this improved my sleep but I stopped taking those as I felt like I was medicating circumstances. Podcasts and meditations are my way forward there. I take a sleep vitamin now as well and a sleep tea.

My ex stopped causing hassle when he got himself a new girlfriend. I mean, to the extent that I had worked out that he had met someone without him telling me simply by the fall off in harrassment of various kinds (not that he actually did tell me, one of the DC mentioned it). He is also well off and zero practical or even very much financial support.

You're right to worry about HRT, the people on here touting it as a miracle cure clearly haven’t read the research. You might decide the cost/benefit is worth it to you but there are no magic medicines and you’d have to weigh up your chances of and response to cancer down the road.

I want to leave my job for all these reasons! My hair is coming out almost in clumps whenever I wash it. I’m 20kg overweight, about 18kg of which I’ve put on since I turned 40. I can’t sleep most nights. Constantly thinking/worrying about work but so overwhelmed I don’t know what to do next.

Absolutely! Wouldn't be without it.

Have you requested blood test for everything? Vitamins, thyroid, etc.

Do you take vitamin D? Between 2000 and 4000 ui dosis.

Magnesium chelated from Solgar is very good.

I also take omega 3 from solgar.

I have a SAD lamp/ Lumina. I do yoga and meditation from you tube/ The mindful movement

I don't know if it was pure fluke or placebo but Menopace really seemed to help with some of this. But I would say also go to the dr again, I haven't gone on hrt for various reasons but still wonder if I should as anxiety can still be an issue at times and I stepped down at work because of feeling I'd had enough.

Oh and I'm a lone parent too so I know how important working is.

Because menopause is an elective for GPs , yes shocker, 51% of the population goes through it and they are not trained on it by default.

OP, HRT, magnesium at night, loads of water

HRT is a game changer.

HRT didn’t help me at all.

What did was completely quitting alcohol, increasing exercise and overhauling my nutrition and sleep.

I also stopped giving a fuck about a lot of things which helped with the mental/emotional side.

Why the f is no-one telling us to get HRT? Mumsnet is literally the only place I’ve seen it discussed. My GP has not mentioned it once to me. I’m 49, overweight, anxious/depressed. She has been prescribing me with anti-anxiety/depression medication for years as well as weight loss injectables. Not once has she mentioned HRT. And this is a female Dr who is a few years older than me.

even my sisters who are both nurses (51 & 45) have never mentioned it. I asked them recently and their response was I don’t know. This is despite my DSis 51 getting blood tests confirming she is in menopause.

Looks like I need to go back to my Dr again and explain just how miserable I am. I’ve got a friend who I know was on HRT for early menopause. I’m seeing her in a few weeks so will ask about it.

I know what she said.
I'm trying to point out that most PPs think hrt is some kind of miracle cure and that the OP should just get over herself re the worry because it is 'magic', whereas not all women can take it, and why immediately turn to drugs?

Placemarking.

Can someone explain about magnesium (salts)? I’m clueless. Is it a dietary supplement or something you put in the bath?

She's said she's worried about it not that she can't take it. It would likely help with all her symptoms so it would be stupid not to consider it.

Not all women can take, or for various medivpcal/personal/ other valid reasons, cannot take HRT, so batting on about how marvellous it is, when OP has said she's worried about it, is so very unhelpful.
Besides, 42 is young still and it may well not be menopause.

I bought a b12 spray. 4 squirts inside my mouth daily. I’ve noticed I’m up later in the evenings now pottering and cleaning. Must be helping along with increased protein.