How are women supposed to survive this?

Hi OP, I’d do a full check up at your GP, including blood tests for starters. Also, do you exercise? Running, Pilates, weight training have helped me massively. I’ve also changed my diet to include lots of veg, nuts and proteins, cut out sugar and I now drink more water and fewer cups of tea. I also take supplements including magnesium (for sleep), vitamin d, and turmeric (for joints). I went from thinking I needed HRT to not even thinking about it any more. I’m 47.

@user7894320974 It was nothing to do with it being tablets as there are women using tablet form for years. HRT doesn't harm the liver but tablet form can change lipids and is a higher risk for blood clots in older women ( 60+).

It was a figure plucked out of nowhere on the basis if using it 'for the shortest time' - and the belief that most women wouldn't need it longer than 5 years (which is untrue.)

Don’t be afraid of antidepressants either. I am on Sertraline and HRT and for the first time in many years (I’m in my mid-fifties), my world is in colour again.
i was initially told that I couldn’t use HRT due to a blood disorder, but research has now proven this is likely to have little impact on the risk of blood clots. My surgery now has a female health specialist as well and she was happy to prescribe and monitor.

If you visit North America or some European countries you can pick up a combined melatonin and magnesium. I only use it when absolutely necessary but it is a wonder drug for sleep.

This. Please try all these things plus reduce/remove sugar. Also, please don't believe the lies about HRT, it's actually very protective in major areas such as heart health, bone strength etc. If your GP won't prescribe it, get a new GP. Demand your hormones back!

Co-parenting with a nasty ex gives you an underlying anxiety 24/7 in my experience. Even without all the rest of it.

Have you had a blood test ? Have you had a blood test which has checked your thyroid levels? If so what are the results?

Go and have a look at the classic symptoms for hypothyroidism https://thyroiduk.org

its often said thyroid issues are mistaken for menopause as they have very similar symptoms

Fatigue
Unwanted hair
Can't lose weight
Insomnia
Anxiety

and a few more

Firstly go to the doctor, let them give you some blood tests and a little health MOT. They should do this anyway before HRT- they have with a friend. She went to see them as she has bought the fat loss jabs mounjaro etc (not sure which one) and wanted HRT. She’s hoping to lose weight and feel better about herself. She’s eating better and taking a few walks. I’m trying to encourage her on walks, even in the rain lol Small steps.

Have a good look at your diet and health and exercise. May need to make some changes.
HRT if you can- not everyone is suitable. My aunt couldn’t take it, she tried but had painful breast lumps /cysts all which needed a biopsy. It wasn’t worth it. But she feels it helped for the time she took it.

Self care? get your hair and nails done and maybe buy some new clothes? Or get some nice oils/creams for your face and body, some new make up, a new perfume? New undies- whatever makes you feel good.
Remember there’s no magic wand it all takes time.

Divorce sounds like a good idea, I’d at least see a solicitor in your shoes as your husband sounds like a big shit of a man! I hope you have real life support.

HRT for sure. I went on it around 47 and am now 50 and feel completely normal. You need to get yourself in front of a GP and ask for it.

Because there are a lot of GPs out there who are not up to date, dismissive of women's health in general and don't understand.

(Not going through my whole tale of woe but after a hysterectomy where I kept my ovaries it took 2 visits to the GP with "depression", and a third where I was told I was fine and to take folic acid before finally getting HRT)

Absolutely.

Like how I was told aged about 14 that my excruciating period pain plus fainting and vomiting every month was 'normal'.

We have moved on from those attitudes now, surely!

I felt like I was losing my mind too - it's very scary. 42 is on the young side for menopause but not unheard of.

And agree with everyone else, HRT is the thing which will make the most difference.

Poor understanding of the contemporary evidence base.

And the underlying misogynistic belief that women should just endure a 'natural' process and/or are probably just making a bit of a silly fuss about nothing.

People asking about magnesium, these are the products I use at bedtime.

OP you need to see a different GP.

I was peri from around 40, periods stopped from around 45. I have been lucky to find a great GP who has spent a long time working with me to find something that works for me.

I can't take hrt, I would if I could, I have tried numerous times in the past but I'm progesterone intolerant. I now take magnesium, star flower oil, a good multi vitamin with vitamin D and have recently started on testosterone and folic acid prescribed. It's not perfect but I'm much better than I was. You don't have to suffer as you are when there is support you could be having.

What if you are like me, and risk possibly making the symptoms of another health condition worse? 😞

I have a medication induced neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia and things like oestrogen levels affects it (as oestrogen has an impact on how dopamine works i think).

So unfortunately I have no guarantee that HRT wouldn't make my movement disorder symptoms worse, even though technically I should try it, as perimenopause symptoms would improve.

God knows, I feel stuck sometimes. I've had perimenopause symptoms for nearly 5 years now but am too terrified to try HRT.

Hrt and magnesium. The lack of sleep was a killer for me. Still not quite performing at 100% but much better. Magnesium has really helped my sleep.

Hrt. At your age it should be offered as a result of symptoms alone. Please don't suffer for no reason. Modern hrt is a very different beast, much safer and less sude effects.

Why is there still such reluctance to prescribe HRT then?

Don’t be afraid of HRT, @VivienneBL. There’s a hangover of fear around the use of it that dates back to its earliest iteration in the 1980s, when it was linked with an increased risk of breast cancer. Nowadays it’s a a much less blunt instrument, and the protections it gives you against heart disease and osteoporosis are just two of the reasons menopausal women should be on it.

If you lose certain hormones that affect your health and wellbeing through any kind of illness or accident, you are given medication to replace them. This is no different. The fact it’s a natural process doesn’t make it any less devastating, and taking a remedy that helps restore your body’s natural balance is no different to taking insulin if you’re diabetic.

It really helped me and was borderline miraculous for some of my friends. My dad’s 83 year old partner loves it - she’s as fit as a flea and intends to stay on it for the rest of her life. Try it, it can really make a difference.

I think it used to be the case with the old tablet regime of years ago, as it went through your liver. The body identical stuff they prescribe now doesn’t have the same risk.

@Miloarmadillo2 what magnesium and lavender rub do you use please?

I hear this sort of thing a lot - getting through with something natural like swimming or yoga - and it just adds to the feeling that HRT is ‘cheating’ somehow - I know some of my friends think that way.

I’d genuinely like to know how you can motivate yourself to swim or do yoga when you’re exhausted and ready to punch anyone who speaks to you 😳

I know of women in their 80s and 90s using it.

Why is your wealthy ex husband not contributing at least financially? Get onto the CMS for starters.

Go and see your GP and ask them to do you an MOT, check there is nothing else going on and then ask them for HRT if thats what it is. You can be peri menopause/menopause for years - don't let it rule your life, give yourself a break.

And get yourself to a yoga class or go swimming once/twice a week. DC are 15 & 11, i'm sure DC1 could be persuaded to 'babysit' DC2 for an hour here and there.

No. That went out the window years ago.

I've used it for over 15 years through an excellent consultant.