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Original poster

What would you do if your 4yo stole something?

33 replies

itsmondayyy · 25/02/2025 18:12

Posting for traffic. Potentially stolen - but yet to get the facts straight!

4.5 year old came home from reception with a sparkly little toy in pocket. I asked about it and she said it was "Ella's". I asked if Ella gave it to her and she said no. Then I asked if Ella knew she had it and she said yes but got cross. After that she refused to engage in the subject so I said we would chat later when she's feeling calmer. (Straight after school never a good time).

So WWYD in this scenario? (No incidents of stealing before). To begin with I will chat to her at bathtime and try to get to the bottom of it obviously. If it turns out she has stolen it should I:

  1. Speak to her about stealing being wrong and unkind, then ask her to give it back to Ella tomorrow - or is this too much responsibility for a 4yo?
  2. Speak to her and then hand the item back to Ella's mum with an apology.
  3. Something else?
OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 25/02/2025 18:15

Do you know Ella's Mum? Do you have her contact number? If so I would message ask what story Ella told her, then go from there. If it has indeed been taken from Ella without her permission arrange to meet in the playground in the morning so your DD can give it back and apologize.

It's not the end of the world they are 4 it happens your DD isn't the first and won't be the last but she does need to be told it is wrong to take things from others and she does need to do the apologizing herself.

SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 25/02/2025 18:15

I’d go with option 2. DD did something similar at that age - stole a pretty gem out of a classmate’s blazer pocket whilst she was alone in the cloakroom, I only discovered it a few days later. Questioned her on it and eventually she admitted where it came from. I had a talk with her and explained that stealing is wrong, how would she feel if somebody took something from her without asking etc. I spoke and apologised to the boy’s mum on the playground and gave her the gem back. Wouldn’t trust a 4yo to give it back and apologise independently!

She learnt her lesson and never did it again

Aparecium · 25/02/2025 18:14

Your dd clearly knows she's done wrong and is conflicted by her feelings.

I would simply say that she needs to give it back to Ella tomorrow, and remind her tomorrow morning. Talk about the rights and wrongs tomorrow afternoon, after she's given it back.

Lougle · 25/02/2025 18:14

Don't make a big deal of it. She magpied it. Return to the teacher in front of DD and say 'DD brought this home from school but it actually belongs to Ella. Could you make sure it gets back to her please?'

ApolloandDaphne · 25/02/2025 18:14

I would go in gently and suggest to her she gives Ella her toy back the next day as she will be missing it and will be sad. Be kind to her. She is just learning about honestly and not taking what is hers. And you don't know that Ella didn't give her it.

Didimum · 25/02/2025 18:14

I think you’re overthinking it. Take it off her, stern word that we don’t take things from other people and get it back to its owner.

Saying that, my twins (now 7) come back from school with all sorts. I think kids do swap things quite a bit, though it annoys me!

YourBrightLilacLion · 25/02/2025 18:14

cansu · 25/02/2025 18:13

Take it off her and return it via the teacher.

Literally. Like what else is there to think about

cansu · 25/02/2025 18:13

Take it off her and return it via the teacher.

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