What's the worst thing someone did when you had a baby?

My twins were born premature and were in NICU for the first few weeks. I delivered by emergency c section and then 2 days later had to have emergency surgery. As a result of this, and the meds I was given for my surgery, my milk never seemed to come through properly.

Whilst sat in NICU on the most uncomfortable chair known to man, I was desperately trying to get one of the twins to latch on to feed, I was given no privacy and other parents (Dads) were sitting in the same space. One of the NICU nurses grabbed my breast and kept forcing it into my tiny babies mouth. I started to get upset and she told me "stop being selfish, this is not about you it's about feeding your baby". I felt dreadful.

When a much kinder nurse was on shift I finally made the decision that my babies would be formula fed. It was the best thing all round, but the nasty nurse gave me daggers whenever she saw me after that.

Well exactly, surely the parents are capable of arranging it at a time which works for everyone rather than assuming everyone can get the day off.

Unless there’s a huge drop feed coming that Grandma told them she could get the day off and then didn’t.

When I had my 4th baby MIL (completely healthy and only in her 50’s) had agreed to watch our other 3 while we were in the hospital as we had zero other support system. I unexpectedly went into labour at 35 weeks and ended up with an extremely traumatic cat1 emergency C-section (my first C-section, which i’d always been terrified of having) then baby was taken straight to NICU without me being able to hold or see her because they suspected she had sepsis. Anyway I was due to be in hospital for 3 days and the midwife care at my hospital was absolutely shocking and she and my partner knew that my mental health had considerably been affected by the birth and being stuck in hospital. MIL arrived at ours on the Thurs evening and was supposed to stay until Sunday evening when I would be out of hospital, so my partner could be with me as much as possible given how vulnerable I was. Yeah she didn’t. 8am Saturday morning she got in a taxi and left because she couldn’t cope with looking after our kids even though she knew we had no one else in the world to help us and my OH was begging her to stay. I ended up sat alone, crying in my hospital bed all day Saturday and all day Sunday while everyone else on the ward had family coming in and out to check on them. I didn’t sleep for days and by the time I got home my mental health was just awful. Still struggling with the PND and PTSD of the situation nearly 2 years later!

To make it worse though, she kept messaging me on her way home complaining about the trains being delayed and when she did get home she put up a picture of her with a glass of wine with her feet up… celebrating… her new job. That didn’t actually start for weeks. No mention of her new granddaughter or anything 🤷🏻‍♀️ She didn’t care that if she had stayed until Sunday she would have met baby, but instead didn’t meet her until she was 3 months old. Never quite felt the same about her after that! We have never asked for any childcare from her or favours so this was the first time and we were let down so badly that it was also the very last time we asked!

No bad experiences really, but people wanting to visit a baby straight after Mum had given birth can jog on, quite frankly. Mum needs time to heal!!

I did but I wasn't confident doing so. She'd spent my whole life constructing a narrative around how awful I was and a liar (won't be a surprise that this was a continuation of childhood abuse).

My mother was a nice, respectable middle class woman with an adult daughter she'd characterised as being off the rails, a problem and who she'd sabotaged her whole life.

I could hear the words coming out of my mouth and I just sounded like everything my mother had ever said I was - a lying fantasist with severe MH problems. So I didn't push it. Because no one would believe that a decent person could do that to their child.

I'm glad it’s not just me that thinks they were all (ex included) completely fucked up. They all got progressively worse over the years glad to be rid of the lot of them. Current in-laws can be annoying at times but they’re not nasty and have never done anything like that with my youngest (they’re only biological grandchild) and treat my older one’s like their own.

@GreyCarpet christ that's awful, as are so many of the stories here. Did you correct the friend about the fancy apartment? I hate to think that her friends still think of her as a saint when she was so horrible in reality.

Ah my mother.

She was my birth partner for my eldest. Sneered at me immediately after the birth (hadn't even had my tea and toast) that I had no dignity left now she'd seen everything I'd got and then complained (loudly to the nurse) that she wasn't also offered tea and toast.

I'd had to move back in with her at 7months pregnant because my partner had an affair and ended the relationship. She had contacted a social services run nursing home (mother and baby) while I was pregnant/in hospital, lied about being concerned that I was a risk to the baby and I spent 10 months living there - the staff admitted to me that they had no idea why I was there. She told her friends that she'd set me up in a nice flat on the other side of the city (I know because one told me how lucky I was that she'd done that for me). She went to the GP the day after and got signed off work for 6 weeks due to the stress of having her daughter and newborn grandchild living at home with her. We didn't even step foot in her house for that 6 weeks.

She also spent that 10 months trying to get SS involved and used the fact I was in a mother and baby home as her reasoning. It failed. But it was all because she'd created a narrative around me being a 'problem child' and me having a social worker because I was unsafe to my child would have been a bit of a 'gotcha' for her.

My second was born prematurely by EMCS due to risk of her not surviving. She was nearly 6 weeks early weighing 3lb 9oz

She came to visit at the hospital and told my baby that one of her colleagues had had a baby as small as her the week before but she'd died. All with a smile on her face in a 'motherese'.

After my eldest was born, she'd allowed us to store the baby things in her loft but then refused to let us have them back for the second because she hadn't been the first person we told about the second being born when we were in the midst of the chaos and fear around the EMCS and trying to arrange emergency childcare for the eldest.

We told my dad because he stepped in to have the eldest and my husband's parents because they cared and offered us both support. She was only having supervised contact with the eldest by that point due to her behaviours.

When my husband did tell her (the day of her birth) she berated him and launched into a tirade of abuse about how she'd been denied the opportunity to support us too. Not once did she ask about me, the baby, him or offer any support.

Yeah, I think that was the worst.

We've been nc for nearly 13 years now because she actually managed to get worse!

Ironically, SS did end up being briefly involved but because of her behaviour and that is why we are nc.

PIL arrived about 2 hours after baby born (I had a spinal block & forceps delivery) - I was fine with this bit - pleased even, it was how they behaved that was the issue.

Stayed for hours. Gave me no privacy when nurse nurse arrived - I asked for the curtains to be drawn and they came INSIDE them (did not know them well - me now would let them know they were on the wrong side but it blindsided me and I didn't say anything). Took photos of me looking awful even when asked not to several times. Then my DH had to leave when they did as it turned out they had brought our dog (DH dropped the dog off with them before bringing me to the hospital) with them and wanted to swap him over in the car park. We live 5 mins from them but 45 mins from the hospital. It was summer (thankfully late afternoon/evening but even so). Dog does not enjoy car journeys and we never leave him in the car. No idea what was going through their head - they had a key to our house so could've dropped him off there on the way over.

There was a lot more but that is what happened on the actual day of the birth. I now know (many years later) that I had a DH issue. He knew what they were like but did anything to keep the peace. He isn't like that now. Needless to say we managed things much better when DC2 arrived.

My newborn was in hospital with a bacterial infection and sepsis. My in laws visited when he came out of NICU but was still in special care. One of the first things my MIL did was stick her finger in his mouth. Husband immediately told her to get her bloody hand out of our sick son’s mouth. She got all indignant and said she was just testing his bite reflex, and that’s what the nurses would do. Yes, but with gloves on.

She really couldn’t understand why we were so bothered about it and I caught her doing it again on their next visit.

No way as bad as some of these.

With DS1 the entirety of my husband's family (parents, siblings, aunties, uncles, cousins) arrived very shortly after I'd given birth. I was expecting PILs but not that many people. I felt totally overwhelmed 😪.

The day I was kept in hospital after my waters had broken my MIL was under clear instructions I didn't want any visitors in the run up to / during labour. Just wanted my husband there. She insisted on coming anyway. I was fuming and so was my husband and thankfully she got the hint so didn't stick around long.

With DS2, I was THREE days postpartum and MIL commented that I'd not lost the baby weight as quickly as I had with DS1! What a thing to say!

FIL announced the birth of our second DD on Facebook - including spelling her name wrong and without her middle name which we hadn't decided on when we'd let him know!
We hadn't put anything on there yet or finished telling my family due to some being in US so waiting until their morning to send a message.
I was discharged from hospital just a few hours after birth and the first thing I had to do when I got home was stress about making sure everyone knew about the baby before they woke up and saw a second hand post on facebook 😡

Keighley to Newcastle is over two hours! Would you seriously be OK with a four hour round journey with a newborn to see someone for an hour, or would you not think organising a time when she had a day off might have been more sensible?

In the hospital after having my first child (first grandchild on both sides) who was born weighing less than the first percentile.

I was trying to establish breastfeeding and visiting time was approaching. My husband's parents were due to come and visit but DD had just settled for a feed so I asked my husband if he could call and ask his parents if they could hold off for 10 minutes so that the feed was over - I am not particularly close to his parents and didn't feel comfortable feeding in front of them as, at the point, I had no idea what I was doing.

They had a total strop and refused to come and visit. Drove home from the hospital without seeing DD. Over the next few months we're constantly over an hour late for visits which. Had been prearranged, which was hard to manage with a breastfed baby who didn't sleep.

I don’t see the issue here either.

Visited me at home, overstayed their welcome and expected a lift home. I was exhausted!

Well, you would think someone would book annual leave or arrange a visit for a day off before having people travel hours, even without a newborn!

So sorry for your loss though

My DD had a stillborn baby. A few weeks later the doctors surgery were sending letters and texts saying " Congratulations on birth of Baby X. Please make appointment for 6 week checks". She rang them and did her nut at them Then later got a call from surgery manager saying about how the person who had sent the letter was in floods of tears

Don't see an issue there tbh. Would you rather she got the sack?

@Unforgettablefire it was 1997

I used to get on well with dps sister, until I had dd2 (his first child).

I has a C section and 2 weeks after she came to visit with her 5 kids.

She walked in, didn't say a word to me and took the baby straight out of my hands.

She pointed out her cradle cap and then pretty much told me off for the way I was dealing with it and made me feel like an idiot. (I wasn't doing anything incorrectly- She just thinks she knows everything)

Dp mentioned that we thought dd2 had a dairy allergy and was booked in at Dr's in the week. She scoffed and said she definitely didn't have an allergy (she does)

She kept saying how hot it was and saying baby was too hot, I said she was fine, the fan was on in the room, but before I knew it she had undressed dd. I wish I'd said something at the time but I was 2 weeks post c section and had haemorrhaged during the surgery so just sat there. I'm still angry about it.

She wanted photos of all the kids and her dp holding the baby, her dp declined saying dd was lovely but he didn't feel comfortable holding a newborn - fine. She put dd in his arms despite his protests.

Dd smelled of his BO and weed by the time they went home.

I'm pregnant again and they will not be coming over until I am feeling much better.

Oh a few week after birth my dad also commented on my weight and diet, saying that "this pizza and leggings lifestyle doesn't suit you" and suggesting I go out clothes shopping asap. He also commented on the state of my garden (because as soon as that baby's born we all know the priority is to put that baby down and get the lawnmower out!) and the state of my home. I had bad ppd and was sleeping about 2 hours a night and while the basics were done (laundry, washing up) it was getting a bit dusty as I just didn't have the energy to dust. Can't wait for a repeat when dd2 arrives...

Bloody hell, not ready for visitors is an understatement and a half! I would be shouting and screaming
If FIL did this!!!

Moments after dd was born, literally moments my DH handed me his phone on the delivery table as they were stitching me up to talk to my parents (forceps delivery). I thought hay was bad enough!!! I was dazed and bewildered, like "wtf, why are you on the phone? Am I dreaming this?". Hadn't slept in two days and literally just met my daughter 30 seconds before and they were grilling me about her and I was so confused. I remember saying "I think they're stitching me up" as the doctor was shoving pain killers up my bottom... no dignity at all.

My dad absolutely freaked out when I first had to bf in front of him. In a cafe and I had a cover over us both but as soon as he realised he abruptly stood up and turned his back to us and then went to stand outside the cafe (we could see him through the glass) with his back to us. Was such a strange and awkward moment. He soon had to accept that I would be breastfeeding all the time and got used to me having a cover over me and the baby and feeding in front of him...
But that first time was unreasonably awkward.

I can totally see why this would be annoying/upsetting if it's not you or what you wanted. I have seen some people put a post up before a wedding/birth explaining they'd like to be the first to share photos.

We actually have really full on wider family who are partial to badgering us with phone calls so I asked my mum and dad (and DH asked in-laws) to do what your family did so we didn't have to. Once we told immediate family, it was good to switch phones off then and let the grandparents do the phoning round and texting in excitement. Tbh, I think it kept them busy and off our backs for a bit of time. We sent them a photo or two of the baby in her first outfit (none of me and nothing too intimate I wouldn't hsve wanted shared) with all the details like time of birth, full name, weight (we didn't mind sharing this), even length so my MIL had no reason to call my DH.