Is it in anyway possible to have a nice day with a toddler?

I found age two very hard. Looking back at photos now my son looks so sweet and I do remember bits fondly, but at the time I looked forward to him being in nursery or asleep. A terrible mother, I know.

Two is young to be potty trained, you would have to expect quite a lot of accidents at that age.

I found being outside easier than inside, and also having a plan but no appointments. I usually did straight out in the morning (pushchair to supermarket, park, library or drive somewhere more interesting/Granny's), then home for lunch and nap, out again after nap for a walk, then home to TV and play. Don't let them get hungry or tired. TV is the only way to get through mid-afternoon to dinner time.

It gets easier, I promise. I remember a big change at about 2.5, and then again at 3.5. Now I have a six year old and he's brilliant, I'd rather hang out with him than most other people.

As long as you keep your expectations low… and do things that will also suit your toddler. Best days out we’ve had as a family have been spontaneous and unplanned!

Evolutionary speaking, we're an outdoor species. Toddlers are supposed to be outside experimenting with berries and shit like that.

And you get your own life/agency/agenda when they're not around ;)

It gets better! I didn't enjoy the baby/toddler years, but once they hit five or so it just got better and better. My memories of that time, what I remember as most enjoyable, is getting out somewhere they can be in charge and make decisions, so they have fun, you enjoy it, tantrums are minimised.

I feel your pain OP. My morning was not too different to yours and we’ve got builders working in the house so toddler isn’t having their nap, which has finished me off really. I’m counting down the hours to bedtime and wondering how we will kill the rest of the day. I need to take him out really but I’m struggling to muster the energy to deal with that and all it brings. I feel horrible for being relieved that he will be at nursery tomorrow.

My little one has just turned 3 and I'm finally enjoying her company, especially if I can get her without her (beloved) 1 year old sister and we can actually chat and play games. Find things you both enjoy (ours include books, cooking and eating cake in a cafe, her dad's are snuggling on the sofa watching movies and building things). It does get easier as they get older. I felt like I had more agency and control once I stopped breastfeeding but I never enjoyed it.

Never take a 1 and 3 year old to a central London museum on half term was a lesson I learned last week, that's a lesson I won't need to learn again.

Also accept some things you had in mind aren't as good in reality and give up on them - mine have been swimming and painting - daughter hates swimming and I can't cope with the mess of painting.

I think you've nailed it here!

It's possible to have a good day, but it has to be on their terms.

What you need is a venn diagram of things you like and things the toddler likes and then do stuff in the overlapping section. Then you can have a nice day!

Wait until she is 9 and shouting 'fuck off I hate you'. We were absolutely flabbergasted.🤣parenting is hard. It gets easier in terms of work load when they are older as they can obviously do more for themselves. However it's harder in other ways. My 9 year old is like a teenager already with mood swings. Remember everything is temporary. I wasn't a massive fan of the toddler years either. Just keep your chin up and in a few years you'll be having some lovely days out. Don't be a permissive parent though. I agree with gentle parenting to a degree i.e don't yell at them or smack but if you let them do whatever they want they will never learn any boundaries. Children need rules to live by it provides them with a sense of security as they know what is expected of them. They don't let them do whatever they want at school do they? Keep going OP.

I have full days with my toddler 3 days a week, and generally they are fun for both of us. I keep her as busy as possible, and go out first thing to a specific toddler activity (eg swimming lesson or music class), with some park or soft play time. Sometimes we'll go to see kids theatre or a concert so someone else can entertain her.
Then she'll nap for a couple of hours, and we'll go to the park or zoo, or play at home with whatever toys she chooses - I don't organise any activities at home.

She's 2 and still breastfeeds, she just comes into my bed half asleep and I quite enjoy that quiet time in the mornings.

So do I. But then I'm always drained and exhausted and almost out of patience by the end of it. So I can completely see where OP is coming from.

I'm sure you don't mean any harm, but your post comes across as a subtle dig at OP, which I'm sure she doesn't need at the moment given she's already worried that she's a horrible mother for not loving every moment with her toddler.

My tip is low expectations and go to parks and soft play only.

Definitely this! Especially that first line We try to just find everything funny, and have low expectations.
We also did something similar to your hibernating tortoises, in the car seat box that lived in our front room for about 12 months. It was a cave, den, hide and seek, cosy corner, bus, car, ship, teddy shop, ball store....until it eventually ripped and so we poked holes in it and continued to use it for posting pipe cleaners through 😂 I still have a piece of that box in our nostalgia box 🤭

You're not a horrible mother. Some kids are easier and more biddable. I didn't enjoy my son at 2, he shouted from the minute he woke up, never "went along with things", didn't sleep in the day and was a nightmare to put down at night. I went out a lot with him, often twice a day, because he was a nosy little chap who was quite happy at playgroup, soft play, library, sainsburys café, etc. But he wanted constant attention and stimulation and it was soooo tiring.

Now he's 7 I can see he's quite clever, mature and curious and just didn't really enjoy being a baby.

It gets easier, be kind to yourself though. Feeling guilty just makes it worse. I used to say to myself "you don't have to enjoy it all, just get through it".

I went out a lot.... Think at 2 did a different playgroup type thing everyday! It was harder being in... As lack of space made mess worse..

2 of my closest friends i met at toddler groups at about 18mth/2yrs.

And then at about 2.5/3ish there was a lovely preschool that did half day sessions....and added that in too for some actual childfree time..

I was lucky to SAH so had that as option but others who came to groups often worked either part time or full time..

Hear me out… I know my theory is a little out there… but my theory is that children that behave in challenging ways are in need of connection. She may well tantrum because she doesn’t want to go to the nursery and say good bye to you. Maybe she’s anxious about the day, maybe she wants to have a bit more agency over what she’s doing with her day. It’s like after school restraint collapse. But toddlers can’t explain why they feel certain things and what they feel in general. Feel bad equals behave bad. Your DD probably knows that in nursery she can’t have it her way, she needs to share, needs to “perform”. With you she’s relaxed, she feels safe to express how she feels. And the only way to express it is the way she’s showing you. Try to get curious about her behaviour, dig a little. It could be that the boundaries are inconsistent. One thing at home and another at the nursery, could be that she misses you or that indeed she wants to have more choice in her life. Good luck, it does get easier xx

I had to laugh. There can be nice moments. And rose tinted memories 😂

It's not a stage I'd like to time travel back to for more than the nostalgic highlights!

Stop breastfeeding

Go to local park in the morning

Home for nap at noon

Park/garden again in the afternoon

Weather permitting if course!

I honestly wait all week to have a full uninterrupted day with my toddlers!

I can also offer you 'Queen Bee visits Queen Ant at the anthill'. In this scenario, I am Queen Ant and the kitchen table where I am having a cup of coffee is the anthill. My friend Queen Bee repeatedly drives up on his little car, rings the pretend doorbell, and tells me he has brought me some delicious honey. Then he goes away again. Then he comes back. Then he goes away. Etc. DP is a lot more active with the pretend play; I tend to let the pretending come to me.

Soon she'll be doing pretend play, which is tedious in its own way, but I had a great game of 'hibernating tortoises' with my 3yo recently. He would get in a box and hibernate, and I would occasionally walk past and say 'oh, I hope that tortoise is having a lovely cosy sleep because it's STILL WINTER'. That was a good half hour of relaxation for me.

Note to self to try this one!

I found the best way to have a great day with a toddler - keep them busy! I have some wonderful days out with my daughter (she's just turned three a few weeks ago so i remember well) - we went out to the zoo, went to resturants, to the park, softplay, pottery painting (that was a disaster though), she loved mini golf. got back, put her down for a nap (I also always took a book in case she fell asleep in the car) so i could have some peace, afternoon after nap we'd stay home and bake a cake or go and see friends.

Get them out of the house so at least they won't be trashing it 😐

This sounds similar to my experience. I loved the toddler years, they were so much fun!

The teen years nearly killed me…

Aww having 2 close in age is bloody hard! I remember it so well!

It is hard OP but you'll get there. The key I found was doing short bursts of nice stuff rather than focussing on a whole day if that makes sense. You don't have to surrender your own stuff, you just need to be okay with putting your stuff on pause for a bit. It does get easier and this stage will be a lifetime ago soon enough. We don't have to enjoy every moment. You sound like a lovely normal parent to me!