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Original poster

To be angry I can’t practice self care

33 replies

Prinnyj · 25/02/2025 12:40

I’m so fustrated writing this. My life feels so dull and pointless at the moment. I’m struggling to find enjoyment in anything. DH and I moved houses a couple months ago, and now I can’t find any time for myself. I’m in a beautiful new area but can’t explore it and it’s awful. We have two dc very young. Dc2 is 9 months now and can be watched for an extended period by dad who is self employed. He can’t find any time away from his busy schedule to watch the kids. This has been going on for a while and I’ve had to keep rearranging dental appointments to accommodate his busy work life in the past despite being in severe pain. This was at his request. Turns out I had a root canal now all my days off have to be spent sorting it out and he treats that as my time off away from the kids. As fun as getting needles in your mouth is (and you would think it’s fun judging by how guilty he makes me feel when the second I come home his complaining about how he can’t watch the kids no more) I need a serious break! My hair is literally matted and falling out. My hairdresser (last time I seen her was 7 months ago) says my hair has gotten so unhealthy from not being able to look after it. I used to be complimented all the time on my appearance now I look 30 years older than I am. Admittedly it’s hard to even get a shower; when he comes home after a long day he will get one and won’t ask if I need one to. If I ask for him to watch the kids he complains about how the bills are all on him and I can’t do his job so why is he doing mine. I would love a spa day, get my nails or eyelashes done and feel nice about myself. I feel so fustrated and insecure. He says we can’t have time for ourselves because of the kids but if he worked normal hours we could. Also the new house is too far from family to ask for their help and to be fair even if they were closer they have their own lives. I feel like just crying all day but I can’t even do that!

OP posts:
Leavesandacorns · 25/02/2025 12:58

He's horrible. Dental appointments aren't treats fgs.

That being said, don't let him being a dick stop you from feeling your best. You can do some self care whilst looking after children. Just bring the youngest into the room with you along with some toys when you shower.

A mobile hairdresser/nail technician will visit you at home. Try setting your children with a snack or activity whilst you get pampered.

Explore your new area with your children too! Going to child friendly places is a great way to make friends with other mums, and even if you don't fancy socialising getting out and about is good for your mental health.

Find a way to do the things that are important to you regardless of your husband (and hopefully LTB when you're ready).

GoodToBeHome · 25/02/2025 12:57

I can hear your frustration in your writing OP.
First things first, do you have a bath? If so run one and take the kids in with you if needs be, or at least the baby if the older one will entertain themselves for 10 minutes.
If not get in the shower together, you need to shower regularly or you will feel awful (as I am sure you know).
I don't know how bad your hair is, can you try leaving a very thick conditioner on for 24 hours and then comb it out?
Above are the steps I would take right now.
Longer term I assume you are planning to leave the piece of shit that lets you get so worn down your hair is matted and you can't get to the dentist? He doesn't love you, no one that loved you would treat you like that....people get prosecuted for allowing their dogs to get matted hair because we know it is cruel. Think about that for a moment.

2Rebecca · 25/02/2025 12:49

Also why does your husband have to ask you if you need a shower? Just give him the baby or put the baby in a playpen and have a shower

foghead · 25/02/2025 12:48

Tell your husband that you are unhappy, feel trapped and miserable and want to move.
He either helps to make life easier for you or you move with or without him.
That's his choice.

Mrsttcno1 · 25/02/2025 12:47

Do you work OP? Does your husband need to be working these hours financially, or is it a choice?

I do think it is really hard when you have young kids, my daughter is 10 months old so I do get it, it is important though that both of you get equal “free” time. Sometimes there just isn’t any to share out, nobody manages to get a break and that is really hard, but when there is free time it is important you both take that chance to get a break.

2Rebecca · 25/02/2025 12:47

If sh leaves him she will have the kids all the time and less money. Finding a nursery or babysitter would make more sense rather than trying to rely on someone starting their own business to babysit. Just think of him as unavailable and working in a desk job

Bavariamaria · 25/02/2025 12:43

Leave your horrible, horrible husband. But also, take a shower with your child in the room or when they are asleep. But mostly leave him.

Tiswa · 25/02/2025 12:42

Oh you poor poor thing, it sounds as if he is abusing you dental appts should not be optional when you are in pain and he is holding working over you

he is a father and a husband they are not jobs they are obligations to help and look after people you care about and he is failing your miserably