Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex introducing new woman too soon

36 replies

ridingitout · 25/02/2025 10:41

I made the very difficult decision to end my marriage back in early December, we didn't officially tell anyone until after Christmas and spent it together for the children.
Dh has yet to move out as we need to sell the house first and have 3 young children.
2 weeks after we split he met someone else and they've been inseparable ever since, that's not my business but less than 2 months after we separated and before he's even moved out as he's got nowhere to go and he has no intention of going anywhere until the house is sold, he's introduced his new woman to the children already who have actually coped really well with everything that's going on.
I didn't know until they got home that they'd spent the day together and apparently went back to his parents for dinner.
I chose to end this marriage and I knew at one point or another there'd be new relationships for both of us but I don't think it is appropriate to weave this woman in so soon when he only has them alone on a Saturday because I work and rarely sees them in the week because he works all week and is with his new woman every evening so the children don't see a lot of him and already have so much change to adapt to.
I could never introduce someone so soon and think it's really inappropriate that he has.

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 25/02/2025 10:51

Yanbu it’s too soon but part of divorce is learning to detach from the idea that you have any influence on your ex’s behaviour. I had to remind myself of that many times in the early days and it does become more second nature over time.

Im glad that the kids are fine. Hopefully this will last a while so that you’re not worrying about this every few weeks

Ablondiebutagoody · 25/02/2025 10:51

He is being a twat but that was always going to be a possibility. Nothing you can do about it.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 25/02/2025 10:51

Fireandflames · 25/02/2025 10:48

Men don't care about this kind of thing (from my experience), they only care about themselves.

Come on now, there’s constantly posts on here from women (with children) allowing men to stay over or move in after dating them for a very short period of time.

Errors · 25/02/2025 10:50

Fireandflames · 25/02/2025 10:48

Men don't care about this kind of thing (from my experience), they only care about themselves.

This.
Of course he is acting like an arse. He is NOT putting his children first here and is probably some ridiculous attempt at getting back at you. I detest people using their own children as pawns in their games.
If I was his new woman I would have scarpered by now, major red flag

autumngirl714 · 25/02/2025 10:50

Ahh OP that must've been a big pill to swallow!
I'm in total agreement. It's too soon. It's too soon to introduce a new partner and it's too soon to do that after your separation. The poor little ones probably don't know what to think! They're going through something much already and processing a big change. It's really selfish of the dad to do this.

Unfortunately, and I say this as a single mum too, there's not a lot you can do about it. You are going to have to learn to pick your battles with choices the other parent makes :(

Hope you're ok too OP. Even though you ended the relationship, it doesn't mean any of this is easy!

JacquesHarlow · 25/02/2025 10:50

When you ended your marriage, did you believe this somehow would give you power over everything, and an ability to control the future?

If so, good luck with that.

BlondiePortz · 25/02/2025 10:48

You can't control him same as he can't control you

Fireandflames · 25/02/2025 10:48

Men don't care about this kind of thing (from my experience), they only care about themselves.

Ahwelltoobad · 25/02/2025 10:47

I'm with you, OP, absolutely idiotic. Many threads on here about similar behaviour.

Lemsipper · 25/02/2025 10:47

Respectfully, I don’t really think it matters what you think. It’s not ideal, but a broken home is never going to be ideal for children. He’s not doing anything illegal and he’s their parent as much as you are. Instead of marinating in annoyance, concentrate on making sure your children are happy when they are with you.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 25/02/2025 10:43

You’re free to think he’s being inappropriate, but he’s perfectly entitled to do this, as are you.