To not want the funeral filmed

I've been to a live streamed funeral of a family member. There were several other relatives in America and Australia that couldn't attend.
As long as it's done discreetly from the back of the room then I can't see a problem.

Livestreaming with a log in code, where the camera only covers those speaking and the backs of the heads of attendees is totally normal these days.

As an attendee in person you don't notice it at all, and I've watched a couple online that I couldn't make it to in person. I know my elderly parents have been very grateful to have watched quite a few more as with travel and illness and their age it would have been more difficult for them to have seen friends and family off otherwise. They seem to dress up and make a big thing as if they were there in person.

Or it can just be live streamed.

Job done

I think it's ok. Filming a royal funeral is expected.
Tensions will be running high. It could be filmed and uploaded but then taken down after a few days.

But funerals aren't JUST about the deceased, they are an opportunity for the mourners to pay their respects and see them off, in a final act of consideration for the deceased. It's a ritual to remove the person's remains in a decent and respectful fashion and grieve them, in a kind of last thing that you can do for them. It's not Instagram, it's permitting people who will be grieving the chance to see their funeral when they can't attend but would if they could.

My mother and her partner are in their seventies with various conditions and health and mobility problems. They were able to watch my mum's cousin's funeral at home instead of travelling hundreds of miles over two days and nights with all the problems (and not insignificant costs) that would bring them. Twenty years ago they would have been able to attend without blinking, these days it's exceptionally hard for them. I'm glad live streaming exists now as it means bereaved people can still get solace from seeing the funeral as it happens.

It's not "every last thing HAS to be filmed these days", it's helping those who would want to attend but can't. Similar to making reasonable adjustments for those with disabilities to make life more equitable, it's not taking anything away from the attendees, it's giving assistance to those who couldn't.

Not the same thing but my Dad's funeral was live streamed for people who couldn't be there. You then have an option as family to keep the recording. My Mum was very happy to have it and finds it a comfort.

This…
”Sil wants it filmed as she feels it's important for those who can't attend to feel part of the day.”

Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss, losing a loved one is hard enough without the unnecessary demands from SIL. She is making MIL’s funeral about her, SHE wants to film it because SHE feels it’s important…
I think there’s a very relevant question to be asked, “Has anyone ASKED for the funeral to be filmed in their absence”? If the answer is no then absolutely not as SIL is making a fete and gala out of MIL’s funeral for her own self importance.
People attend a funeral to pay their respects and say goodbye, one cannot do that after the fact, and certainly not on a screen. If they can’t attend they can’t attend.
Pers I find the loss of friends and family members deeply upsetting. I certainly wouldn’t want me crying my heart out in the crematorium to be on video and viewed by others and anyone else as often as they wished forever more. I would be thinking of others attending the funeral too and if they would feel uncomfortable being filmed.
Filming would be disrespectful to everyone attending and an invasion of privacy. It would be a firm NO from me.
I hope the day goes as well as can be expected 💐

They do allow filming, some crematorium have a link with a company who set up the camera and convert to dvd, we were offered this but declined as we thought it was intrusive and you mainly have vision of the coffin and front row mourners who are family.

An old friend of my mum's the funeral was streamed and filmed. You could not have told there was a camera as it was from above at the back of the room. I watched it as he was a big part of my childhood. You couldn't see people's faces unless they were giving a speech. It was very special to be able to be there and I could not have travelled with work and distance.

Live streaming is very much a thing now and I think it’s very positive.

The faces of the mourners and the attendees are not shown, only those who stand up to speak. I read a poem during my stepfathers funeral, the fact that it was being streamed didn’t enter my head.

My good friend (of almost 50 years) dear mother passed away recently, I knew her mother well in my youth. She lives on the other side of the country so I’ll be watching it tomorrow via live stream. To suggest I’m watching it for ‘entertainment’ is really offensive.

My mother is in her 80’s and regularly watches funerals via live stream that she wouldn’t be able to get to because of distance. It means a lot to her.

DH has the fortune of being able to attend in person. Funerals are very important honestly. It seems a bit mean of him to not want people who can't attend to be able to participate. When my mum died and we organised her funeral there wasn't the option to stream it, but I would have loved to have done that so people who couldn't make it could participate. It would have meant a lot too to be able to look back and watch it years later when the immediate pain had subsided somewhat. I took photos at the wake, but still regret not taking photos/videos of the funeral. Your brain can block things out.

In this situation I think the person who wants it streaming for others to watch overrides the person who doesn't. He loses nothing here. He doesn't have to watch it back, or share the link, he doesn't have to participate actively in that side of things.

What about if you are in hospital, or a care home or another country? It's not quite as easy to "just go" as all that, although in the UK you do tend to get plenty of notice.

I am in two minds and think it depends on the reason, the sensitivity that prevails and the deceased's wishes.

I'll give two examples.

When FIL died, SIL1, who lives thousands of miles away, decided she wouldn't attend his funeral because it would be too stressful for her. It was all about her. No way.

MIL, who is almost 89 and is no longer able to travel was provided with a video link for her brother's funeral. DH attended on her behalf and when he next visited offered to show her the video. She couldn't do it on her own and preferred him to take her to church where she could pray, light a candle and hear her brother's name mentioned in the intercessions. Absolutely fine.

Because of this thread I am going to discuss this with DH with a view to amending our wills with our wishes. It will be a no from me unless there are very close people who cannot attend for legitimate health reasons in which case it will be a link just for them and time limited for one watch. It's a funeral, nor a circus.

Reflecting, however, how many watched Prince Philip's, The Queen's and before that, Diana, PoW's, funerals on TV? Many I expect and there's a bit of me that says what's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander. I didn't, I thought it mawkish.

My mum's funeral is next week and I wouldn't like it. I think people watching it via link would be fine but not videoing it.
Having said that your DHs feelings don't trump his sisters and hers don't trump his. I think watching it via link would be a good compromise. How would they both feel about that?

My view is live link of speakers, fine if wanted.
Recording, not fine.

I would always prefer no live link, but times do seem to have changed.

I think in this case, your husband's feelings trump the ones of Sil.

I think that if the widower is organising the funeral he gets to decide, but SIL might suggest that the funeral is live-streamed so people can watch it as it happens, then not available after that. Or he might feel that the funeral is just for people who can come and he doesn't want the sound and sight of himself and other people in an emotional state, captured on film. They film from the back so faces are not usually seen, but sounds are.

'I was at work when my lovely neighbour's funeral was held and I very much appreciated being able to watch the funeral later that evening from my home.'

If you were that bothered you'd have taken a day off and attended.

People just use the live streaming option to have a neb.

If the person is close, you go. If they aren't and you're at work then that should be that not watching later feet up with a bag of crisps and a glass of wine.

DH funeral was live streamed (funeral link) for his best mate who lives in America, and couldnt make due to financials, and my parents who were to ill to travel as my dad just had open heart surgery. It meant the world to them. This was in 2013 too, so its been around for a long time.

It depends who is intended to watch. Close relatives who are too unwell to travel? You can do it via a secure link so not open to all. The cameras are distant and not intrusive.

Don't be ridiculous. Honestly, some of you people appear to be living in another century.

It's extremely common to live stream funerals these days, they most certainly are not posted on the internet/shared with the world. I don't imagine anyone anywhere would view a funeral for fun. I was at work when my lovely neighbour's funeral was held and I very much appreciated being able to watch the funeral later that evening from my home.

I don't think it matters whether it is live streaming or 'filmed', the point is the event will be available to watch for those who can't or won't attend. I don't think live streaming or filming is appropriate at all.
Just send an order of service to folk who are working or live afar and let them have their own private thoughts etc about the deceased.
What next, post a clip on family WhatsApp chats? It all just seems so tacky and disrespectful for those attending.

Live streamed rather than filmed, but it was available to watch, with a log in code, for a week or so afterwards.

I attended a friends funeral on line. It was filmed from the back of the chapel, the only faces visible were people giving the eulogies and the celebrant. It was quite respectful and dignified.

There's a big difference between a ceremony being live-streamed for people who can't attend in person, vs being recorded so they can fit it in between Strictly and laundry folding. Ask the venue about getting a live-stream set up and ask people who are attending virtually to please not make any recording as the family would feel this to be disrespectful.

I attended a couple of funerals virtually in the aftermath of Covid. They were really meaningful to me.