To not want the funeral filmed

That's not how it works though. I live quite far from my home town so have attended a few live linked funerals as I haven't been able to attend in person. Most churches have an overhead gallery where the filming takes place so it is completely unobtrusive and respectfully done. Where there isn't one, filming is done from the back of the church.

If done properly viewers wouldn't be able to see emotional and grieving family members as the camera is on the clergy person/priest/anyone who speaks at the front of the church and NOT on the congregation at all.

I've been very grateful to have the opportunity to view live links and I think they are a good thing.

We were given the option of streaming for those who couldn’t attend. That felt a bit weird so we posted the order of service to a those that couldn’t attend and asked that they raised a cup of tea & a digestive biscuit at some point in the day.

Whoever arranges the funeral will decide along with the undertaker whether the live streaming is required. Like any other element of the service, it has to be paid for. It's often available to watch for a couple of weeks afterwards, with a link and password.
Actual filming, with a phone? Hell, no.

A family member wants to film the funeral for those who can't attend to watch.

Do you mean the family member wants to film the funeral themselves? Or do you mean they want to have the film live-streamed? Big difference.

Live streamed- SIL can definitely trump your DH on this as it is very unobtrusive.

Someone sitting up front with a mobile phone- DH can trump SIL, this would feel intrusive.

FIL died recently and the funeral was filmed. I think there might have been a notice up in the church saying it was being filmed but I'm not sure, we were in such a daze we didn't see it. I was shocked afterwards when someone (who didn't even know FIL) told me that she'd watched the funeral the next day and that it was quite common now for funerals to be available to watch online, not just live but for a few days/weeks after. I then watched it myself and was horrified that a very unflattering back view of me was constantly on camera. I'm just glad I didn't do the Eulogy as I would have felt very self conscious knowing I was being filmed whilst speaking. I know those people watching online could just have easily been at the funeral and seen everything but, personally, there is something very uncomfortable knowing there is a video showing me, dh and kids, in very private moments and upset available for anyone to watch online. I checked and there was no security code needed to watch it, all you had to do was type in the name of the church and FILs name and the entire funeral was available to watch.

When a friends funeral took place last year, I watched a live link to "attend" as I couldn't travel
I was very thankful for it

During Covid it was the only way an Aussie friend could watch the funeral of his father and feel part of it.

But viewing entertainment .... I tend to go to Netflix for that, or Prime.

Most places just do a live stream link, the video isn't recorded. Can you not just do that instead?

There is no right or wrong, unless MIL stated her choice before she died.

Funerals are live online for loved ones who cannot attend, I doubt random people watch the feed.

I think this is quite standard nowadays for people who can’t make it, for example if they’re in hospital or working abroad.

Personally I hate the idea of a live or recorded funeral.

I did watch one - a friend who I wasn't that close to- partly as her DH asked (he was more our friend.) It was very long distance.

I felt it was intrusive. Although I saw mainly their backs, you could see the immediate family's faces as they turned to come out of the church.

I think it's possible to say /pay your respects in private in your own time, without being there in person, if that's not possible.

And write to the family with your thoughts and condolences. The art of letter writing seems to have died too yet it can be a lasting memory for the family if you write to them.

I think a better way is a very small private funeral for the family only and then some kind of remembrance event' later.

One of my parents wanted no funeral at all- there were only 6 of us at the crematorium- me and my siblings/ spouses. No hymns, no prayers (they were an agnostic) no speeches.

I think that two terms are being conflated here, live streaming and filming. Most funeral directors will offer the opportunity to attend a funeral via live streaming. I was able to attend an aunt's funeral and a close friend during Covid and I appreciated being able to be part of the service and paying my respects to both of them.

Filming suggests that it is a fun event, but live streaming affords people who cannot get to the funeral the opportunity to join the family in saying goodbye. On balance, I think that this is a positive thing, that allows other mourners to also process their grief and achieve closure.

Recent funerals in our family have had live links for those that can't travel. These can be viewed at the time or later. I think they are an excellent solution and in no way disrespectful . If this is what is being suggested I would perhaps have a chat with the funeral directors to clarify who would have access. I can see why he wouldn't want some videographer jumping around and getting in the way as they often do at weddings but it might well be that the system is all set up unobtrusively at the crematorium. As far as do DH's feelings trump others I don't know. Everyone is allowed to grieve and although he might be 'chief mourner' so to speak it would be a great shame to make this into an issue and a difficult time. It might be hard to come back from.

Are there cultural considerations here? I’ve known some families film due to not being able to travel however I wouldn’t be able to have it filmed don’t think. What about a live stream instead? That somehow seems less intrusive as it’s not a recording

yes but unrecorded live link is not the same as filming.

😆 funerals are literally spectator events. You go to honour the dead, say your goodbyes and watch the body being buried or sent to be cremated (or in some cultures being cremated).

I think you views on this are affected by who you would expect to attend a funeral. I've seen on here surprise that people would attend the funeral of a colleagues wife or a friends parent and similar whereas to me that's normal. But I wouldn't take a day off or more to travel to do it so would attend by streaming if possible.

I asked for my grandad's funeral to be live streamed as DH was in hospital at the time - we were able to watch it and felt part of it even though we were miles away.

Is it in a church ? Most churches here have a link on church services tv or parish website to watch live if you can't make the funeral. Don't know about other venues I agree with your husband it's private people are grieving. As a kid I had a relative die and some non family members brought a camcorder it was the 90s , so they could show it to dead relatives friends in England. To say we were disgusted was an understatement but they went ahead there's a copy at home I watched it once with my dad, so creepy .

Well then you don't go, same as any event held in another country or whilst you're in hospital.
Funerals aren't spectator events.

Since the pandemic, most churches provide a live link so that people can watch the service as it happens. Can you find out if that is available? Provide the link, refuse to allow it be recorded for posterity so they can watch it as it happens but they won't have a recording of it. Might that work?
Sorry for your loss.

Any idea what MiL's wishes would be? What was she like in life? Did she share lots of pictures, host family gatherings etc? If so then filming her funeral might be something that she would want. If she was a private person who didn't like to be photographed then maybe not.

Side issue but I didn't realise it was so common to livestream funerals. For various reasons I really don't like this idea but appreciate others have different views and experiences. Its probably something to add to the list of matters to discuss with loved ones for when the time comes.

Do mean filming, or do you mean live-streaming? If the service is going to be at a crematorium, then all they do is activate a camera on the back wall which gives a fixed view of the front of the chapel. A unique log-in is shared with those who can't be present - they are the only people who can view it. It is also usually viewable for a few weeks afterwards, then deleted. You can opt to download a copy to keep. I am a funeral celebrant, and I'd say 60% of the services I lead are live-streamed.

To me, filming implies someone wielding a camera, which feels much more intrusive, and I can understand that may not be what your DH wants.

Neither feeling is more important - it's both their father.

I would say that when my Dad died during Covid, we live-streamed it.

My dad was a huge pillar of the community and had worked all over the world, so it was important for us that that part of his life was recognised because we knew there'd be a full service if it had been non covid and it was a bit sad as it was ... As many people as possible who would have come, were able to watch and take part - about 250 from what I remember. The comments option was on, and it was lovely to read people's thoughts and reflections afterwards.

But it wasn't like a film I'll watch later, it was a live stream - so you still had to be available to pay your respects at the designated time. Worked really well for us.

Is the "watch it later" thing? That could feel a bit mawkish.