To not want the funeral filmed

I personally think it's crass. If you can't make the funeral then the deceased can't have been that important to them?

It's really not. It helped me and my SIL* enormously to know that our Australian relatives were 'there' and supporting us, too.

*My husband is dead, and my MIL was like a mother to me. I miss her every day.

The husband of a dear friend absolutely did not find it weird and intrusive that friends and family of both of theirs were (due to the advances of technology) able to listen live to the service.
Quite the opposite, they were very touched that friends/ex colleagues wanted to support them and pay their respects. I know it gave him strength and comfort to see how well loved his husband was.
I actually find it quite insulting and upsetting that you would believe those who were attending via live stream were doing so for their own entertainment.

Technology fine, poking a nose in it other people's distress not fine.

People keep saying the attendees aren't the focus but many speak at funerals obviously with great emotion. We only have to see on mn the problems in many families with difficult relationships. To have a 'code' that can then shared willy nilly is just awful.

Go or if you cant read the tributes online. To attend virtually just seems like prying.

You're being ridiculous.

My MIL's relatives are in Australia. They adored her and she them.

Being able to watch the live stream was not them 'having a neb'. It was incredibly important to them to say goodbye and hear the eulogies (including the words they sent to be read out)

Not entertainment at all. It is attending the funeral.

I watched my Dad's livestream with my mother a couple of weeks after the service before it became unavailable as another very final (for us) way of saying goodbye. I hope you aren't suggesting we did that for entertainment! That's an insult.

Also, just because livestreaming is available does not mean you are obliged to use it. It is a choice. If you don't want it then don't choose it when booking the crematorium. Simple. You can leave it behind if you wish. Others might not wish to. Either is fine.

Yes, it was available. People became more aware of it during COVID because of the obvious advantages it had during lockdown.

Why would we leave it behind? It remains a good option for those who are unable to travel to attend.

Like it or not, technology is here to stay.

I don't really get this concern about what those attending on line see of the mourners emotions. They will see no more than they would if they were there.

As others have said the broadcast is a single camera, possibly focusing on the speaker but not always.

With respect so what if you are in another country and can't attend.

You send a card to the loved ones and then think about the deceased or whatever

To attend a live streaming like it's some kind of entertainment event is weird and intrusive.

I would agree with this.

Live streaming with of course access security etc can work really well. I recently live streamed for a funeral in Australia. So did lots of people as he was well travelled and lots obviously could not be there. It was completely non obtrusive. As noted above. Helped the family feel more supported and his friends feel they coukd pay their respects

Done well as above I think it's rely good

Was live streaming even a thing before covid?

Can we just leave it behind like all the other weird stuff we did?

Not at all undignified. It isn't someone running around with a camera zooming in on everyone. It is a very small and unobtrusively positioned automatic webcam thing. It is fixed in one position and remotely operated.

You see nothing more than the coffin and the backs of people's heads, other than those reading eulogies. The link provided and the password to use it are totally private and only available to those you choose to share them with. The recording remains available for viewing for a limited time after the funeral has taken place.

Yes, this.

Ehat I find crass is the OPs comment that her dh feels it's for "entertainment". No, it's to give people a chance to say goodbye and to feel part of things.

I am somewhat surprised by how triggering inhave found this thread. I consider myself a resilient personality and a person who ca quite easily understand other perspectives, even if j don't agree with the. But this thread has upset me. If someone had suggested me watching my mums funeral live was for "entertainment", I would have been furious.

I would want to know who it is who can't make it and also why they can't.

You might want to know, but I cannot imagine how on earth you could ask someone "why can't you attend the funeral" w/o sounding utterly judgemental.

I could not disagree more.
Throughout my career I have worked at institutions which have a large workforce from overseas (scientific reaserch). I therefore have many, many colleagues who have become friends and then moved back to their home country or away from the UK.

As I get older, we are losing colleagues/friends, and funerals are held all over the world. Being able to attend virtually, and knowing that other ex colleagues are watching from afar has been a great source of comfort to the loved ones of the deceased and the mourners. There has not been an ounce of indignity or crassness.

I was at my mil funeral this past week. Her siblings live in Australia and South Africa and are in their 80s, and a few friends would not be well enough to attend. Because of Covid, the crematorium was well set up to stream it. I never saw a camera. I don't think it was recorded as such (I don't know), but it was streamed. Perhaps they could ask if this was possible? Then inform those absent that they can watch online.

If you mean live streaming then that is normal. We did it for my Dad's funeral, which was during lockdowns. It meant his Irish relatives who don't live near us could watch and be part of it, especially his sister.

It is done in a discreet and non-intrusive way. My sister and I read a eulogy and apart from the microphone on the lectern (normal) we weren't aware of other equipment like cameras. They will be there, but are very small and unobtrusive these days. I think it cost about £150 to provide the link. It was fine.

If you don't mean livestream and SIL just wants to record it on her phone then I would be uncomfortable with that, and she might not be allowed to do it anyway because of the services that are available.

This doesn't work for those who would otherwise want to attend the service and join in with eg a requiem mass. For religious funerals in particular that communion of attendance matters.

My experience of live streaming funerals has always been passworded streams with a single camera view on the service itself and not on individuals attending.

I was ill a few weeks ago and was unable to attend my friend’s funeral…I watched it via the link. Why would I not be allowed to be part of it, albeit from my bed, simply because I was too ill to attend? She was my friend for over 40 years…

If there is a FiL his wishes trump others.

If DH/SiL are siblings neither one trumps the other. They need to be grown up and talk about it and find a compromise - perhaps live streaming.

Most funeral services started offering live streaming during lockdown with the recording persisting for 24 hours or a few days max. When my godmother died this enabled many friends and family to "join" the funeral and at least feel we were remembering her together.

This service still exists and enables those unable to attend due to age, distance or infirmity to still feel they are participating in remembering the deceased. As pp say - its a very simple single camera on the service approach, not an entertainment video in the slightest.

Apologies if this has been asked @Uniquely187 but what would your MIL want?

My mother died during covid and we didn't live stream her funeral because I know she'd have hated that. If you have a sense of MIL's views then I'd go with whatever her preference would be.

I would want to know who it is who can't make it and also why they can't. If they genuinely can't, because they are in hospital or something, then that's one thing. But if it is just more convenient for them to watch online, rather than make the effort to attend in person, then that's another. Since Covid, some people have got used to do things online that would never have been countenanced before and they want to continue, because they prefer it that way.

Until some fool pastes the code on Facebook

And then what happens? Seriously. Do hundreds of people who have never met the deceased tune in?

This is surely the better option.

Live streaming funerals, it is so unbelievably crass and undignified for all involved.

Until some fool posts the code on Facebook ...

I never quit know what it is about social media that makes some folks' brains fall out, but the oversharing can become almost manic and I guess OP's DH had better hope SIL doesn't come into this category