To not want the funeral filmed

I have no problem with the OP. she asked a question, it's been answered. I do think gloria is being quite small minded. And I found it pretty patronising that perhaps I could have been supportive by just sending a card.

One thing I will say is that I agree with her that if people are sharing random QR codes or sharing on youtube, then yes, I can imagine that can encourage ghouls to attend and it could quickly become a bit icky. Certainly, that has not once been my experience however. Not for my mother and not for the one or two other funerals DH or I have been invited to attend virtually.

I'm sorry if I offended you, genuinely.

As I've just said I have backtracked and accept in exceptional cases if you can't attend a parents funeral due to ill health then yes fine but only in very few cases. There is this trend for 'oh I can't go have you got the live stream code?' Which I have actually witnessed and I find it totally inappropriate.

@Gloriia I find your posts really offensive.
I can assure you that I was not prying, as you put it, when I watched my mother's funeral recording.

Your attitude and condescention towards OP is pretty appalling.

Did you ever stop to think perhaps people greiving don't want their pain and grief commited to a tape recording? Mourners have as much right to their privacy as some random person unable to attends right to watch the catch up on iplayer.

If you're unable to attend a wedding well that's tough. Why aren't your memories with the deceased not sufficient enough you absolutely need a video of a casket and a few songs from their singer and some bible passage/poem?

I watched the funeral online of a loved one who lived overseas.

We were provided with a URL by the funeral directors. The camera was placed at a fixed point at the back of the chapel, with the focus so that we could see the alter, lectern, coffin, flowers & just about the backs only of the attendees. We heard the eulogies & music live, & the still pictures shown during the eulogies were streamed as a pop-up slideshow. The URL also streamed the external portico so we saw the coffin placed in the car & were remotely 'present' as everyone bade their final farewell.

Overall, it was dignified, discreet & very moving. Very professional.

If this is what is meant by filming the funeral, then I would think it OK.

Having someone film freestyle close up is a non starter, it's disrespectful & intrusive. A recipe for emotional disaster.

'Your objectives would be more understandbale if you had any understanding of how it works. People don't post funeral links on social media for anyone and everyone, for pity's sake. Nor are camera people wondering the crowd asking for commentary'

And yet I've seen exactly that, codes shared on Facebook. Also, camera people may not by wondering the crowd however nowadays it's is very common to have several often very emotional eulogies from family and friends, all there getting beamed out to whoever clicked the link.

'I think youre' just digging your heels in now because your world is so small you can't imagine a person who might actuall ynot be able to attend.'

No, I've actually backtracked a bit and accept in exceptional cases like yours where a very close relative cannot attend due to medical reasons then ok yes live stream it for that person.

My point is it should not have become the norm where anyone who can't or won't go been given the option to view remotely.

I notice you continue to ignore the reality that peopel who ARE close family might not be able to attend. I 100% was "close family" to my mother. When I rang my doctor, again, begging to be "allowed" to go she eventually said to me, " do you reall yhtink yor mother woud approve of you going to her funeral and potentially risking your own and your baby's health to do so?"

I think youre' just digging your heels in now because your world is so small you can't imagine a person who might actuall ynot be able to attend.

As for people who haven't spoke n tp the deceased in months not being there to "pay their respects". You really dont' seem to understand how funerals work do you? The reality is that funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. For tloved ones to have some closure. For random people who aren't close to "show respect", These processes, and traditions and ceremonies are all about helping individuals, families and communities to process and deal with loss.

Edited to add: I hadn't seen the most recent post. Your objectives would be more understandbale if you had any understanding of how it works. People don't post funeral links on social media for anyone and everyone, for pity's sake. Nor are camera people wondering the crowd asking for commentary and a quick "20 seconds on your favourite memory of the deceased.". Nor are funerals routinely uploaded to YouTube for random viewing. Objecti f you want, but at least do so with a proper understanding of what's involved.

Nobody is sharing links on social media.

You've been reading this thread all the way through, and it's been made clear throughout that only people given the passcode can watch the streaming. As I understand it the code can only be used by that person. It's not shareable.

You have to have a code to join the livestream. It is not just readily available on their website for anyone to see.

And as has been mentioned in a previous posts, funerals are public events anyway.

Well, I'm just sharing my views and hopefully someone may think twice when the service provider says live streaming is available. Lots of things become commonplace just because people go along with it.

A very close family member in a different country unable to get home, fine. This sharing of links on sm and anyone clicking to view should really be tightly controlled though.

But funerals are traditionally public events

You really are full of yourself aren't you? You obviously don't know the first thing about live streaming a funeral and yet you think it "should not be allowed". Who do you think you are? If you don't agree with it then fine, no-one is forcing you to have a family funeral live streamed, but those who have a few more clues than you are allowed to do what they like.

Oh yes, you know all about my situation. I was filling in for someone who had a medical appointment in another town, and there was no-one else to fill in. Strangely enough I consider my commitments to the living are more important than those to the dead!

If people you know use the live streaming option to "have a neb" then you know some very odd people. I'm not in the UK and find that Brits are quite different to us, so perhaps that people do this there shouldn't surprise me.

Incidentally I did not watch my neighbour's funeral with my feet up with a bag of crisps and a glass of wine. If her family hadn't wanted people to watch the live stream then premsumably they wouldn't have offered the option - are you so thick that you didn't consider that?

Typical judgemental MNer.

I watched a live stream of funeral of a friend during Covid. Only 15 people could physically attend, and there was a code to join online... so not like anyone could go to the venue's website and just see whatever was going on. Many of the people watching were her family from the USA.
You could see the mourners, but just the back of them. It was heart warming to see some people have "illegal" hugs after the service

I am not sure how it can be seen as entertainment anymore than being there is person is. There is no zooming in or panning. It is just like static CCTV but with sound.

Personally, I think it is a great idea, and I am glad the tech and service has hung around after Covid.

It's done very discreetly from behind the congregation. You don't see faces of those mourning.

Well, you are just determined that you alone are right and anyone who has an alternative opinion is wrong.

That's it then. Very clearly.

Do you realise that they aren't really like a film?

There's no or little panning when everyone's in. No close up of faces. No intrusion

I think it's fine to live stream. It films the front so you can't see people crying just people who get up and talk.

A friend of mine died by suicide. 8 couldn't make the funeral as it was a 5 hour drive and I didn't have childcare. I really appreciated the stream. I dont think you should look at it as people can't be bothered.

Yes clearly reading this thread they are sadly a common event, I'm just saying I'd never have one for my family. I think those attending are entitled to privacy and I believe live streaming should not be allowed at such a deeply personal event.

You know there are lots of events in life that we can't or don't attend, we don't have to have everything live streamed to our gadgets lest we miss out.

Our relative's funeral was live streamed so that overseas family who couldn't attend in person were able to watch and feel part of it. The crematorium and funeral director arranged everything, and there was no sign of any visible cameras at all. Access to the live stream was via a code sent only to specific people.

Live streaming is ok.

Filming absolutely not. A major reason to not film is that everyone there will know there will be a permanent record so it is hugely intrusive into grief. It's one thing to sob knowing the people around you can see it, it's totally another to be worried it's being capture on film forever.

With funerals, if one person who is closest to the deceased fundamentally objects to anything, that is a reason not to do it IMO because death is horrific, grief is horrific, no one should be making it worse for anyone who has lost a close loved one.

So tbh in my view, if the husband or wife of a decease person objected to even live streaming, I would abide by their wishes whether I thought it was a good idea or not. It's about comparing the benefit v the cost. The cost to someone who has lost a close loved one of anything they find distressing at the funeral is HUGE. The cost to people who can't attend anyway missing out is far less. If they were that bothered, they'd make the effort to attend and if they can't because of distance or infirmity, then they were never going to be there anyway so the loss to them is far less.

But perhaps that situation might change and someone can’t (validly) attend.
I think a livestream is very common and a good idea. I live abroad and have been to several funerals virtually.

'Don't be surprised though if someone who isn't able to travel to a funeral you arrange asks whether you are doing it though, so that they can be"there" virtually and involved. It could even be a close family member. Then you can tell them no because you don't believe funerals are entertainment.'

I would be surprised as we don't have close family who wouldn't be able to attend but if asked you're right I'd say no.

The last three funerals I have thought about attending (not close relatives) have all had links to a live stream so I think it is becoming more common.

One of the three had a lot of family in USA which made more sense.

I don't think they're usually "filmed", they're live streamed online so people can "attend" without being there.