To not want the funeral filmed

Why would your DH's view trump his sister's? Both viewpoints are equally valid and important here.

The funeral home "filmed" my nan's. A link goes up to watch it live and there's an option to get the recording afterwards if the family want that. I do our family tree so have a kept a copy for those records. I like the fact it's recorded. It's an important family "event".

I think DHs feelings trump SILs. I would say, though that we had a film for 3 family funerals and it was very appreciated esp by those who lived far away and/or were old

We live in northern Ireland and most of our funerals are live screened/recorded. Although we have a funeral within a few days here so it's impossible for some to come. Recording is only fair as some can't make it. We recorded my partner's granny's as his brother is on applying for citizenship in America and wasn't allowed to leave the country. I was also 38 weeks pregnant and living in Ireland when my grandad passed away in England I couldn't make it as I wasn't allowed to fly, it really helped me that I could watch online.

I also wished my family recorded my nanna's funeral in England as I was living in Australia at the time and couldn't afford the money to fly to England.

I've also seen codes shared on social media. Anyway, just all please be cautious and don't overshare think of those giving personal and emotional tributes who may not want to be viewed publicly

I have seen these codes being shared, I have known people tune in who wouldn't dream of attending.

You must know some very strange people. Funerals are generally pretty boring, even when you are a close relative of the deceased. Who are these weirdo's who watch livestream funerals just because they can? I mean, I think I would be concerned about what other type of behaviour they engage in. In which case it might be best just to accept that there are some very unusual people in the world and the whole of society can't shut down or all technological progress be halted in a futile attempt to stem the tide of their bizarre fetishes.

I've also been offered the codes of live streams (and not clicked to view)
This is not the same as being "shared all over SM"

I’ve had to do live links since Covid - I don’t really see it as problem 🤷‍♀️

Nothing 'crept in on me at all'. I've attended a funeral that was live streamed, I've also been offered the codes of live streams (and not clicked to view). I've also attended funerals without any webcams at all, which of course will be my preference with any family.

So many things are readily available online, others people's tearful eulogies should not be one of them, imo. (Disclaimer unless it is immediate family and you cannot attend for very serious reasons and being at work shouldn't be one)

Given how horrified you seemed to be earlier in the thread at the very idea of livestreaming funerals (entertainment, laziness of those who weren't able to attend in person, should have been left behind after lockdown etc.) it is hard to believe that you do actually have experience of it at all.

It was when the majority on here didn't agree with you about how shocking and terrible this was that the idea of the codes and passwords being broadcast on social media crept in from you. Suddenly you had seen loads of it and I guess it fits with your narrative about how appalling it was.

I've never seen the links shared in that way. I'm not saying it has never happened, but to most of us it would be rather undignified to say the least. Mostly people just share personally with people they know and trust. Communication such as email or WhatsApp are used, which are both very private and (in the case of WhatsApp) also very well encrypted.

You can make it as private or as public as you like. How widely or publicly you choose to share your private link and password is your own choice to make. Most people will choose private and only share with their closest and most trustworthy, especially if they have been unable to make the journey to attend. Each to their own.

Although I haven't seen this, I'm going to take your word for it that you've seen codes shared widely. Just a question... if the camera is discreet, and only the eulogies etc are being shared, why is that a problem? As others have said, funerals are technically open events so anyone can turn up. Of course, by live streaming or whatever the option for MORE people to turn up increases significantly, but really, how is that so different? My father and all of our family were deeply touched by the number of people who turned up at my mother's funeral - many of whom had not seen my parents in years. People who wanted to show their respects, share their memories etc. The option for a general live stream wasn't an option in those days (DH skyped it to me at home), but I can imagine a situation where actually, we all would have been quite happy to do it. We had such lovely messages from people all over the world and I know I wasn't the only person who would have loved to attend. I can think of at least 3 people who, given the choice, would have joined a live stream.

I have seen these codes being shared, I have known people tune in who wouldn't dream of attending.

Where were the codes shared?
How do you know these people who have used a code to view a funeral of someone they don't know, and did it come up in conversation?

I have experience of it, hence my views. I have seen these codes being shared, I have known people tune in who wouldn't dream of attending.

It isn't to do with grief being 'not nice', rather this streaming is now the trend and people should think twice.

Does it need to be live streamed when most if not all close relatives will actually be present? If not fine send one code to someone, for example, in hospital who can't attend not some far flung rel who hasn't seen them in years.

No, most posters are describing their practical experience and if it was positive or negative for them and their relatives.

One or two posters who plainly have no actual experience of what is involved in funeral streaming and who seem to regard it as akin to a wedding video put up on Instagram are being dogmatic and/or tone policing those who are describing their actual experiences.

Oh and in the UK (well England and Wales at least) funerals and weddings are legally public events - anyone can turn up. Both are listed publicly as upcoming events at the relevant registry, religious building or crem.

The actual events are not private and nor should they need to be. Streams are temporary and not public unless the family chooses to make them so.
Grief and joy are both normal and do not need to be hidden away as somehow shameful and "not nice".

There are some very aggressive and very touchy people on this thread which given that the subject is death and funerals is really unwarranted. Everyone should have a bit more tolerance and understanding for the fact that people have different views none of which are right or wrong.

It is a perfectly legitimate view point to think that all streaming or all filming of a funeral should not take place and if people are unable to attend that is just bad luck. It is not that strange to think that the close family member might find the thought of it being filmed and streamed intrusive. Just the fact of people far away 'watching' the service is an intrusion.

It is equally a legitimate view point to think that streaming of a funeral is perfectly fine these days and is a good thing for those who can't get there.

It is not fine to be attacking or insulting towards people who's views differ from yours.

Very few people share globally. The password and link are yours alone and private.

I wouldn't like broadcasting them online on social media either. Nor can I see anyone on here actively promoting that.

You give your private link and password only to those in need and who you trust. The choice is entirely yours and everything is at your discretion. That's the whole idea of it, which you have (somewhat reluctantly it feels) agreed with.

You have friends and belong to FB groups where funeral stream codes are frequently shared with randoms for the lols? That says more about your choice of friends if its remotely true.

Despite the fact the funerals (like weddings) are legally public events I've never even heard of this behaviour - and I've been involved in rather too many in recent years.

Your (many, many) posts have repeatedly made it clear that you don't know how funeral streaming works and you have zero empathy for why it might be helpful. However you dogmatically insist that they "should not" be available other than in special circumstances approved by you.

'You have now backpedalled just a bit'

I have, I've just said twice that I've backtracked a bit. That is the nature of debate you listen to other people's views and possibly change your own. So yes, a next of kin ill and unable to attend I understand would want to view. Sharing passwords so anyone can globally, no. Imo.

'I'm happy to assume that anyone who is actually interested in watching the event is someone who is actually interested in the person and might have turned up in person if it was possible.'

Yes I'd like to assume that too. Sadly you only have to read on Mumsnet that there are many deeply divided families. People can't or won't go because of estrangement, resentments etc. Just seems wrong such a distressing time can be viewed remotely. Links and passwords should be treated with the utmost care and common sense.

Thanks for this. I have found @Gloriia's posts quite offensive too. Pedantic and dogmatic I guess.

Nobody who watched my Dad's funeral on livestream was prying. All were family members who could not travel during lockdown, or who were elderly, infirm or responsible for caring for their own wider family members. Others were close friends who were not allowed into the chapel at the crematorium due to the lockdown number restrictions. So they scattered themselves around the grounds with their iPads and laptops, watched on the livestream link and joined us after the service. We hadn't been expecting that, but it was lovely and very comforting that they made that effort.

Nor were my mother (his widow), my sister and I prying and looking for "entertainment" as you so insultingly put it when we decided to watch the recording (available online for about a week?) before it was taken down. It was a final goodbye to him which we greatly needed and appreciated at the time. It really helped us, but you clearly don't approve.

The more I have thought about some of your remarks the more offensive they have become. Who are you (or indeed, who is anyone at all) to try and tell anyone else that livestreaming was/is wrong?

My mother was not up to speed with what livestreaming was. She was a little unsure at the time when we were planning the funeral. She saw the need though when we and the funeral director explained it. She went with it and was relieved that she did. It was the right thing to do and the only way to include the remaining members of my Dad's wider family.

You cannot possibly know for sure what will be right until you are in the situation. Therefore it would have been better not to have come on here giving blanket statements and arguments about how wrong livestreaming of funerals is.

You have now backpedalled just a bit, but remember something. Whatever you say now may be what you sincerely believe right now, but over years and decades circumstances in any family can change and you may have to adapt more than you think.

They shared it on the family WhatsApp group. A link that expires. A niece watched it in Malaysia due to the time difference. We have family all over the world. FIL had over 150 people come to the crematorium - there were many who couldn't make it the day after Boxing Day.

We have trust in the family. We have never had reason to doubt that trust. His widow was fine with it. I don't recall a single person making a comment on it when it was posted on the App. I'm very glad my family are like this. Mumsnet shows it's rare.

The people who provided the link were the ones giving the eulogies. They actually wanted people to know how much their father was admired and loved.

In the days after death and before a funeral there is no benefit in looking for conflict. It's personal choice. If someone in our family had not wanted it then we would have respected it.

Not necessarily. Funerals are open events. Anyone who is interested could have turned up if they lived near by. I'm happy to assume that anyone who is actually interested in watching the event is someone who is actually interested in the person and might have turned up in person if it was possible.

The chances of a random person's funeral being watched by anyone entirely unknown to the deceased or the wider family is highly unlikely. Why would anyone? If they're interested enough in the person to want to hear the eulogy then yes, why shouldn't they? It's an essentially public event open to all anyway.

To 'share with people who wished to' and you think that is ok, you don't think deeply personal and emotional eulogies should only be viewed online, if at all, by very close relatives?

We had relatives in Canada who joined the live link. It was watch once. A few days after the crematorium sent one relative the link to watch it for a period of 7 days to share with people who wished to.

It seems very normal now.

Someone filming a shaking video on their phone - no
Offer a respectful live stream - yes

Most chapels offer this and it's discreet so your dh won't notice.