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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want the funeral filmed

313 replies

Uniquely187 · 25/02/2025 07:03

Asking on behalf of DH.

Mil has sadly died. A family member wants to film the funeral for those who can't attend to watch. DH doesn't want this. Feels its a private event and not for viewing entertainment.

Sil wants it filmed as she feels it's important for those who can't attend to feel part of the day.

Do DHs feelings trump sil?

OP posts:
EmpressaurusKitty · 25/02/2025 07:10

We filmed Mum’s funeral for some relatives who were too ill to be there. It was available for a limited time & people could only see it if they had the login details.

I think No trumps Yes here but I understand your SIL’s view.

W0tnow · 25/02/2025 07:09

The venue should provide a live link if asked?

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 25/02/2025 07:09

I think it would depend on who the people are that can't attend and their reasons for being unable to make it in person. If it is a next door neighbour then I would look at ways to get the neighbour to the service rather than getting the service to the neighbour. If it was a close friend or family member of MIL who is immobile/in hospital/1000s of miles away, I would consider making the service available.

What would MIL have wanted?

PermanentTemporary · 25/02/2025 07:08

It isn't usual to film a funeral. People don't take pictures as a rule (a friend took one picture at dh's wake due to special circumstances and apologised to me afterwards though I was fine about it).

Is there going to be online attendance available for those who can't be there? That would be a reasonable compromise imo. You could also have the eulogy printed into the order of service, or emailed to people afterwards if they want. I would say your dh should stand his ground.

Tbh has any of the people who Cs t be there even asked for this?? I cany imagine sitting down to watch a funeral I wasn't at, at another time. I do keep orders of service though.

Letstheriveranswer · 25/02/2025 07:08

I think it's ok to film the front of the service, people giving eulogies etc
But not to be filming the attendees or moving around filming like at a wedding.

Sorry for your loss

saraclara · 25/02/2025 07:08

Uniquely187 · 25/02/2025 07:03

Asking on behalf of DH.

Mil has sadly died. A family member wants to film the funeral for those who can't attend to watch. DH doesn't want this. Feels its a private event and not for viewing entertainment.

Sil wants it filmed as she feels it's important for those who can't attend to feel part of the day.

Do DHs feelings trump sil?

It's not filmed for entertainment. It's filmed so that other bereaved family members can say goodbye. Can he be encouraged to recognise this?

Both my parents in law had family members abroad, so both their funerals were filmed. In neither case was the filming evident. It was very sensitively and unobtrusively done. And I know it meant a lot to those relatives.

Silvertulips · 25/02/2025 07:07

If they can’t make it they can pay their respects quietly at home, no need to film the service. Often we have different relationships with people and the service isn’t personal or even sounds like the person you knew.

If they can’t make it, they can’t make it.

DappledThings · 25/02/2025 07:07

I would be more of DH's opinion than his sister's but I don't think either automatically trumps the other. They are both MIL's children.

Londonrach1 · 25/02/2025 07:07

I watched my uncle funeral live via a link during covid due to restricted numbers ...can that be done rather than filming it.

Londonrach1 · 25/02/2025 07:07

I watched my uncle funeral live via a link during covid due to restricted numbers ...can that be done rather than filming it.

TwentyTwentyFive · 25/02/2025 07:06

Who does SIL want to film of for? I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with such a private event being filmed. Is there a webcast option so they can view it live?

CaptainFuture · 25/02/2025 07:05

Who is going to view it? Often as a thing that began in covid, there can be a live secure link set up?

K1ran · 25/02/2025 07:05

Agree that it is a private affair and the person who has passed should be sent off respectfully.
Most places offer a link to watch it live rather than film it.