To not want the funeral filmed

Just a note, not everywhere can live stream, it needs a very good internet connection. A lot of rural places don't have this so the only option is to record.This was our experience at a funeral in Devon earlier this year.

It's quite common post COVID, filmed from behind the mourners so not intrusive. Is that what is being requested? I don't think that's unreasonable

My dad’s funeral was live streamed and afterwards they offered us the recording. My mum took it in case and actually I have watched it once again since. If you’d asked me before I’d have thought absolutely not (to recording, not live streamed). But actually I found it helpful in my grief.

I think a live stream is good for people who are unable to attend. Several of my dad’s friends were too ill to travel and really appreciated it.

We watched Dh's uncle's funeral in covid on a live stream as it had very limited numbers. The camera was high up and we could only see the backs of everyone's heads as they came in. The only people "facing" the camera were the priest and then the people who did a reading or eulogy. It was very much from a distance and you couldn't really make out facial features.

To view it we had to have a link from the funeral directors but this does mean it can be recorded. I am sure the funeral directors would show you the position of the camera and what it captures.

I am sorry for your loss and that this has caused a disagreement.

If there's a link to watch it live, then it's being filmed!

my mother's funeral (a year ago) was filmed as there were family members abroad and some too ill or infirm to attend.
It was very discrete no camera or anything visible. Not expensive, about £70.
It just showed people from the back and at a distance, no faces, and focussed on the celebrant.
We were given a link to send to people so they could watch it live. There were options to have it available for longer but none of us wanted that.

It can be live streamed and the "footage" might be recorded if asked for benefit of someone who can't attend live. It will just be one or two fixed cameras with a wide view from the back and maybe a closer one of the leader. It won't be like a TV program with closeups of weeping family. The funeral directors could probably show you an example but they would go with your preference.

I filmed my dh funeral as his sister couldn’t come as she had literally had a baby and living abroad

plus his dad was banned as mil couldn’t stand him and said she wouldn’t come if he did

grief is raw. Years later I think fil should have been able to come and sit at back quietly but that wasn’t going to happen

so I set up a video camera

I have rewatched dvd think twice in the 13yrs since dh has died

his funeral was a blur at the time , obviously - so watching maybe 5years later in the right head space was nice - if that’s the right word

hearing the nice things people said about dh

so yes I think setting up a video camera and putting onto dvd for 1/2 people is fine

If be surprised if it was anything other than live streamed. Funeral directors and venues have the option and technology in place, so it's offered, and there's no need for anyone to be walking around doing it with a video camera or a phone.

Well funerals are public events anyway, so anyone could come along and watch in person. However, if your DH doesn't want it live-streamed for anyone elderly or infirm who can't get there, that's his choice. Sorry for your loss OP.

Our Nan's was live streamed as family living in Australia could t get here - is it a reason such as this? If so, I would say that it would be kinder to them to be able to join. You only give the password to those who you wish to join and it isn't recorded. They also don't film the mourners of that is what he is worried about.

Why would they Trump his sister's?

No i personally don't like the idea but they need to discuss it themselves

Grief shouldn't be a public spectacle for other's entertainment

It's no more a public spectacle or entertainment than it is for those who can attend. It's the same funeral.

The live stream is taken from the back of the room so those who watch it have the same view as they would if they were there. There's no zooming in on faces or anything. It's literally what the person would see had they been able to attend. Mostly backs of heads, the coffin and those speaking.

OP was a bit ambiguous saying “filmed” - she doesn’t say recorded or streamed so we don’t know yet.

I agree about live steam - it’s normal here where we live on our local churches. I often watch funerals if I cannot attend.

My Dad's, my Aunt's and my Uncle's funerals were live streamed for anyone who couldn't attend. Think this was brought in due to Covid group restrictions. This meant I was able to pay my respects to my aunt and uncle without having to drive 300 miles each way and I believe is a pretty standard arrangement by the funeral directors.

The ones I have seen don’t show the congregation (or whatever you call if for non-religious services), just the person giving the service.

It’s not being recorded though is it, it’s streamed live so people can watch? My ILs “attended” a funeral in this way as it was too far away to travel, they really appreciated it. It didn’t look obtrusive at all, as the crematorium did it all.

I think the question is - who is it that can’t attend that your SIL wants to make it available to? A sibling of your MIL, close friend etc?

I don’t think No necessarily trumps Yes without knowing who would miss out on the service.

A live link isn't the same as filming it though? A live link allows people to watch in real time as it happens which is understandable for relatives who are abroad or too ill to attend. I don't think that's the same as what SIL is wanting?

I was at a funeral last week and both the church bit and the crematorium streamed the services for those who couldn't be there in person. A very, very close friend was too ill to attend and I know really appreciated being able to see it.

The people at the funeral won't even notice it's being filmed, it would be totally discreet. I think your DH is wrong but it is important that his view is taken into account at this time when he is clearly hurting.

Who is it that can't make it? That would probably sway things for me... if it's for a close relative or friend then I'd consider it. If it's for "just in case" or extended friends/family/neighbours then I'd say no. In general, if someone really wants to be there, they will be there (obviously extenuating circumstances and exceptions due to e.g. time off from specific jobs apply, etc. in which case I'd be more open to the filming if the relationship was significant).

Do you mean stream live? It’s very usual these days and if you view a funeral as a way for people to offer their respects, this is a chance for everyone to do this - even if they can’t be there in person. I wouldn’t deny people this if they can’t attend.

I agree with your DH.

There will be people attending the funeral who will be very visibly emotional and very probably crying. For that reason alone it's not appropriate to film them.

Grief shouldn't be a public spectacle for other's entertainment.

It's a shame if people can't attend who want to but they can still show their love and respect for your MiL by thinking of her and reflecting on her life and what she has meant to them.

They won't allow filming, but will allow a link to watch the service live

It isn't usual to film a funeral

It's not unusual at all. In fact I think that every funeral I've been to since COVID had had a live link, except my mum's (where there was no reason to, as there were no significant people unable to attend).