To not want the funeral filmed

My own opinion regarding this changed drastically.
DH died suddenly 20 months ago. Due to various things his funeral didn’t take place until around 6 weeks later.
At first my view was no live streaming as it was a private matter and anyone who cared that much about seeing it should be at the funeral.
I then realised that some people would be too elderly or frail to make the journey, plus several were abroad.
Eventually I agreed to the live stream. I was offered a copy of this, and am so pleased I accepted. I had intended to just put it away, but did actually watch it a few days later and was amazed to see some people there who I had no idea had attended. ( My DH was a bit of a character and the room at the crematorium was full to capacity so not easy to see everyone).
The filming was quite discreet and from the back, so apart from the people doing the readings faces were only visible as people were leaving.
I do think that it has to be a personal choice though, and if your DH isn’t comfortable with this I think he should get the final say. It’s not fair to upset him to enable more distant relatives or friends.

Livestreams are recordings. The company that operates the livestream keeps the footage for a certain number of days in case the family comes back afterwards and says can they have a copy to keep. Obviously it's kept securely, and only the client who booked the funeral can give permission for someone to have a copy. The ones operated at crematoriums should only show the very front of the chapel - the priest/celebrant, anyone doing a reading, and the coffin itself.

The venue may not allow filming of a funeral by a person with a camera/phone.

And a professional videographer might be a bit of an intrusive presence.

Has that been checked?

If it goes ahead you should let everyone know in advance in case that affects their decision to go.

You should ask permission of everyone in the room, including the parents of any children.

And being clear about exactly what will be done with the footage - eg will it be shared on social media?

Some may object, especially if they would rather their grief not be recorded. Be prepared for the possibility of some getting upset and asking it to stop.

Ask if live streaming, not recording, of the funeral is offered. I've seen one, and it was done from the back of the venue with only faces of those who got up to speak shown.

We have family in a different culture so the majority of our funerals on both sides of my family are set up with a live link for us to attend remotely

My mum's and my uncle's funerals were both live streamed. I was unable to attend my uncle's funeral due to caring duties and distance, so it was wonderful to be able to watch his funeral, particularly the eulogy. Anyone who missed the livestream was able to view a recording for 7 days after the date of the funeral, then it was deleted. There is a code which is unique to the particular service, so it's not as if random people can watch. That would be weird. It is very discreet and completely unobtrusive. I am so glad I didn't miss saying goodbye to my lovely uncle.

What she said

Depends partly on who can't attend and why, live streaming is normal now and most live streaming companies allow the stream to be watched for 24 hours afterwards (to allow for work, time difference etc). If you have close family members in the military, off shore workers or similar who cannot watch within 24 hours then a recording seems the right thing to do. They don't film the congregation unless you are speaking and you dh doesn't have to watch it himself

It depends who the people are who can't make it, I think, and the reason they can't make it.

I agree with your DH. We had a funeral recently and some of the family and friends lived 2.5hrs away and decided to opt to watch via link.

Sorry, but if you live 2.5hrs away, make the bloody effort. Otherwise you'll miss out! Of course there's other reasons why people can't attend, but i couldn't imagine sitting down watching a funeral on my TV. I'd just not go and deal with it however I felt necessary.

I think people are distinguishing between filming where you have to log in during the time of the funeral to watch it Vs a recording that could be watched repeatedly

It means a lot to the deceased’s child NOT to have his DMs funeral filmed. The people who can’t attend don’t call the shots, if they wanted so badly to watch, they’d make the effort.
I’m with the DH on this one - filming a funeral where there are people grieving is a gross invasion of privacy.

A lot of Church’s can/do live stream funerals, obviously depending on the wishes of the family. The cameras are set where you can’t really see the congregation.

Sorry about your MIL.

The filmed funeral I’ve ‘been’ to have had one fixed camera.

All you can see is the coffin, priest and anyone speaking. You could see backs of heads of mourners but that was it.

You could have it live and no rewatching possible, password protested, posted to just a select few, available for just a short time or a combination of these.

What would MIL have wanted?

This.
Unless I am mistaken, undertakers began making a live feed of funerals during covid to enable those who couldn't attend to view the service and committal from home - I did this with a close family member as I had covid and was isolating.
The undertakers would provide a link for this and it was all very tasteful, the camera equipment was at the back of the venue, there was no panning around or zooming in on individuals either.

Assuming SIL is DH sister rather than married to his brother, then they need to reach agreement.

He could insist he isn’t included in the film perhaps?

I dont think either trumps the other and I would hope that they could come to a solution they are both happy with.

I sway more towards sil point of view, I dont feel an unintrusive camera position from behind the mourner's (so filming backs of heads) should be too much of a concern if it allows those who cannot be there to watch the service.

I don't understand people who are saying live stream INSTEAD of filming. That is filming or what at do people think is being live streamed?

I think it depends who can't come and why. A compromise is to agree very limited people who can see it, rather than a link available to anyone, and also whether it can only be live or available to watch back.

I think it also depends who is speaking who gets a say, as they are the ones who will be shown. I can understand why someone might not want them struggling to get through a eulogy to be available to watch forever or by anyone - bit different to people just seeing it in person on the day. But if dh isn't speaking the camera wouldn't be on him anyway.

Back before COVID etc made filming more common, I did go to a church one which was voice recorded only, specifically for the daughter of the deceased who had a very good reason for being unable to attend. Would that be a possible compromise?

I was on holidays during a family members funeral last dinner and was able to watch via weblink. I don't know why but I feel weird about videoing it to watch later, not the same as watching live

Why would your DHs preference trump his sisters?

I had the same request at my mum’s funeral. Though from her sister. My siblings agreed with me that it wasn’t appropriate and said no. I’m glad we did. I have memories nobody wants such a horrible day remembered in clarity. Plus the privacy to mourn is very important.

No one within the funeral group needs to film it. Most places these days offer a web link, so that those who can't attend can live stream, and be involved as best they can. My parents watched the funeral of a relative who passed away, as they couldn't attend due to distance. My cousin also arranged this at my Aunt's funeral as his brother lived in NZ and couldn't fly over. The link isn't available to just anyone, the funeral directors would give it out, to those who need it.

Last two funerals I've attended have been live streamed so friends and relatives in other countries could see it. It's quite a standard thing nowadays

I don’t see anything wrong with services being live-streamed if that’s what we are talking about. When my Nan passed away, a family member decided to record everything on his old camcorder like it was a wedding or something. Literally us getting into the cars and everything. That was weird.

Your DH can be assured that if he agrees to a live link, he will be totally unaware of the process during the service. He won't see a camera, there'll be no-one visibly filming.
If there are people who can't attend who would want to say goodbye, I think it would be considerate of him to let that happen. There really is no downside for him.

At others have said, only those that he wants to have the password, will be able to see it. And the experience will simply be the one they'd have had they been able to attend.

Church services can be streamed live now. It would be kind on those who can't make it to stream it. It's normal practice now. At my church we stream most masses and funerals