To not want the funeral filmed

Have people actually been in contact to ask about this?

If so, why can't they attend?

That might help to put it in perspective?

For my Dad's funeral they had to request & be sent a link by email, it wasn't possible for "all & sundry" to watch.

I stand corrected. But the 'other family member' threw me off at first.

I watched a filming of a funeral recently. I made best efforts to get their in person but due to cancelled trains I ended up having to go straight to the wake. So although I got to attend that bit in person I was really upset I missed the crematorium bit. The family had provided a live link (wider family in Australia weren’t able to attend) but I didn’t want to watch on the train. They provided the recording after just for me and I had to click a box to confirm I would watch it respectfully and not share the link further. I was so hard to watch by myself and really had to steel myself for it but I’m so glad I got the privilege to.

If your partner can the. Maybe record it but don’t provide the recording as default but only to those who genuinely can’t attend

She also said SIL. So it's quite clear.

I don't know why she said 'another family member rather than 'my husband's sister'.

If they are brother and sister, and there are no more brothers or sisters who can't be there, I think she should do what her brother wants.

The other people who can't be there are not as important as the immediate family and their wishes.

It's not right that she should put the wishes of distant family or friends above her own brother's wishes.

I could not attend my mothers funeral. It was live streamed and I hosted a few family and friends here in my home to take part (it was in another country) including 2 good friends of my mums and an elderly relative. I think your dh is being astonishingly selfish.

filming isn't like at a wedding with people wondering around and speaking to mourners. It's a fixed camera, discreetly placed and only the stage/pulpit are visible. Yes, restrict access and/or make it live with a link but to refuse to do it if there are people who cannot attend is selfish.

Who else would she be? The DH's sister-in-law? If so OP would have said so. She said SIL, so her SIL. Assuming it isn't OP's brother's wife who would be an entire irrelevance then it's obviously her DH's sister she's talking about. The other child of the deceased.

Do you mean broadcast by live link or filmed on a phone and shared afterwards?

It's pretty standard these days for funerals to be broadcast for people who can't attend, it just shows the front of the venue. Someone random filming the whole event would be weird.

I’m in Ireland and all the church funerals are all streamed here. I think it’s only available while it is actually on though, you can’t watch it back.

Different if she is trying to make a wedding video type camcorder movie of it.

So, like every problem, it depends.

I want to know why (if it is) his sister feels that other people's wishes are more important than immediate family.

I has assumed sil was ops sil, so her she's sister and the deceased's daughter. In which case she has an equal right with the ops' husband and they'll need to find a compromise unless there is another equally close relative with an opinion.

But perhaps I misunderstood and you are right in which case yes dh's opinion is more important than theirs

If SIL is DHs sister then it's hard as they both have an equal say.
Honestly though I think if you mean a live stream I'd do it. If you mean filmed for people to keep and watch at a later date then no.

I assumed "SIL" meant @Uniquely187 sister in law? So op's DH's sister? (And therefore very much immediate family)

It's unclear who she is.

If he's the son and she's the daughter, they need to try to compromise.

A lesson for us all- put your choices in your Will or when you arrange your funeral.

Presumably we’re talking about the sister in law of the OP as in her husband’s sibling so as much of a direct relative as him?

I think a live stream is a good compromise. The funeral directors or church will do it tastefully so no mourners are on camera. They will only alter people with the login details to view it. It won’t be a video that is posted for anyone to watch and around forever.

It's not relevant what other people do surely.

The OP's husband doesn't want it. It's his call, not a family member by marriage.

I assumed it is OP's sil which would be DH'S sister. If not then I agree DH and his brother decide.

It’s pretty usual these days for funerals to be filmed. Typically in my experience this is a live stream that can be viewed for a limited time afterwards to those with the log in details. It’s always been very subtle in my experience, most people wouldn’t notice, and films the ‘front’ of the service not those attending.
I know people who have found it very comforting to be able to do this when various circumstances mean they cannot be there in person (and not as ‘entertainment’).

I think posters should consider who's asking for this.

Do DHs feelings trump sil?

Yes. Because she's not a family member in the same way. And she's actually got a bloody cheek when it's not actually her family.

It's not a blood relative- it's someone who's part of the family by marriage.

it's really nothing to do with them- it's immediate family who decide.

I wouldn't like it either, but if there were close family/friends eg grandchild travelling/lives abroad and cannot get there i would he open to that. If it is so a distant relative who isn't in contact then less bothered.

Find out what is involved at our church funerals are streamed but camera focus is on the alter and they do their best to avoid having those attending on screen. I have seen others where you can see the people attending though, just the backs of their heads.

I have heard of people sending link to those they want to be able to view rather than open to all too. That might be an option your dh can be more open too.

That's not the same as filming it.

Video camera was at front at side and only on those talking

it wasn’t turned round to see the mourners

If your husband is closer to his late mum than the 'other family member' then his wishes are the ones that count.

What do you mean by his sister in law- is this his brother's wife?

She's not a blood relative so I don't think she has a right to choose or insist on anything.

Sorry for your loss.
Before lockdown I’d have agreed.
DMum died during pandemic and close family were unable to attend. Having it filmed was essential and helped me get over my sense it shouldn’t be. Even cousins abroad were able to mourn.
If close people who wish to mourn your Mil really aren’t able to get there, why not. Now I would encourage it as it allows people to mourn with no downsides.
Yes someone watching may not be ‘solemn enough’, but someone within the church /crematorium might not be either. We can’t control others’ behaviour.