I pay all the bills, husband pays nothing

You’re being taken for a mug. He doesn’t give a toss about you from the way he’s treated you and things he has said. Please do not pool finances with a bloke who cannot manage his own money. Who takes equity from a house sale and has to pay off debts (red flag) and then buys a car with it? A car should wait until he can actually afford it. Same with the £1000 phone.

He will bleed you dry if you let him - both financially and emotionally. Let him sort his own kids out too. No more supporting him when he’s taking the piss with you.

I just read all your posts. I would leave.

I assume child maintenance for children from a previous relationship?

Do you have kids together?

Is it? When divorcing (well a probably longer marriage, I get that) the debt would in his name so fur him to repay BUT would be taken into account in the division of assets.
aka there is no his/her debt in a marriage.

I never thought that I would agree with this being a very independent (financially and otherwise) woman who was raised as a feminist… but, it is true.

If your man has turned into a free loader, this is the time to start splitting costs and above all, not the one to merge finances. So cancel that shared account ASAP, you have just open the door to further freeloading. Keep an eye on your relationship too, has he started behaving as if you are his mum? If so, back off from supporting him pronto, before the relationship dies for either of you.

Speak to a solicitor to see what would likely happen if you divorce. In the meantime, start saving and reduce your spending. Please tell me you're not doing his laundry. Stop right now if you are. Reduce the food shop and keep treats hidden. Cook for yourself only and when he asks say you can't afford to feed him too. Reduce heating etc. Make it less cosy for him. Go out with your friends.

Depending how long he was married and what the settlement there was, he's not walked away with very much, has he?

Only enough equity to clear some debt (here we go again!) and put down a deposit on a car . So how much equity did he come out with after the sale of the marital home?

At least that's what he's told you- how would you really know?

Was money an issue in his marriage? I bet it was.

He's also been out of work for some months since you married 2 years ago.

He sounds unreliable and useless with money as well as selfish.

Unless there's more to this which redeems him in some way.

Presumably you can’t afford to give him half your assets so I’d try to get him under control before ending it.

No shit Sherlock. That's because it IS his debt. He is contributing 0.
He bought a car for him.
No team here.

Fwiw your current arrangement and the way you’re talking about the situation makes me feel you’re not seeing the marriage as a team but still as very separate entities (at least financially). Think your equity/his equity, his debt, his car, his loan etc….

Im wondering if deep down this isn’t the case for other areas. You’re together, living together but aren’t a team - aka everyone pulls together forvtye benefit of the couple rather than for their own personal benefit iyswim.
The fact you feel things aren’t rozy after only 2 years doesn’t help.

Similar to OP, I pick up all household expenses and was flabbergasted to be told that the OH had accrued a credit card debt of more than their gross annual salary. For some reason, it wasn't worth mentioning when it was only 97% of their salary.
Financial compatibility is a thing.

I think it’s pretty normal that you’re not paying 50/50 if you’re earning twice as much as him.
Then you need to decide between you how you deal with finances. Each of you has the same amount of spending money, you pay in proportion of your wages etc….
Im questioning why he has debts - from before or build up since you moved together?

This, basically. As hard as it is, time is of the essence here.

I couldn’t do this and I couldn’t be with a man that was okay doing this.

Does he do more than you at home? Childcare etc?

I earn less than dh, although am not a low earner. He pays more than me into the household expenses but I still pay half the mortgage, plus kids clothes, school dinners and trips, some holidays, insurance, food etc. If you are both earning both should contribute.

I absolutely would NOT set up a joint account with someone who contributes nothing. If I had done that with my exh he would have made all the right noises about playing his part, maybe even do it for one month, but then just stop, and likely clear out everything I'd have put in there too.
If someone has already shown you they won't pay their way, never get MORE financially entangled with them, even inside a marriage...

You have no children together and he sounds like one of these 'cock-lodgers'.

Make it clear he needs to pay his part of the household expenses and consider whether you want to stay in this relationship...

Personally I would get rid of that freeloader and I would get legal advice on what this would mean for my assets/financially.

Agree with those saying seek legal advice as it’s a very short marriage and he’s contributed very little.

Do it asap - don’t drag this out as the cocklodging won’t change and the longer you’re married, the more he will try and claim

Some of the equity went to his debt, the rest as a deposit for a new car which he pays the loan for. I don't use it as I have my own car (albeit breaking down regularly).

My equity has probably been accumulated 50% pre marriage, 50% after. Married 2 years.

Whilst I do feel quite doomed it's the end (as there are other problems too), I really wish it wasn't. It hurts to the core thinking of ending it and I don't have much of a support system to wallow in self pity for however long it takes to get over it. I had hoped the second time I'd get it right

It's quite telling that he had debts when you married- and still does even though he's contributing nothing,

Was debt one reason for his divorce?

What exactly is he in debt for?

I really advise you not to think about 'getting over it' but 'getting rid of'.

You might even benefit from some counselling for support (if you have no friends or family to help.) Maybe you have poor boundaries and are a people pleaser.

You sound isolated. maybe this made you easy prey for a man looking for a woman to provide for him.

You don't need self-pity- you need anger.

Do you think this is going to get better?
Why would he contribute any money when he is getting everything handed to him on a platter.

Time to separate and then divorce. You should be no worse off but he will be.

@Finallybackinbootcuts now ExH turned off paper statements so we didn't have arrive to the house and he kept hiding that pin generator thing that HSBC used to gain access to the online banking.

It was a very financially abusive relationship so don't blame me for his actions.

Please get proper legal advice before you do anything as he may have a claim to your house

And separate internally. Separate rooms. Do not do one solitary thing for him.

If you are leaving him do so quickly as he will be entitled to a lot less with a short marriage and assets acquired prior to the marriage.

You don't want to compound your mistake by dragging this out.

I pay the bills in our house and my husband just transfers me an amount each month (less than half). But he buys the food shopping and is the one to pay for treats, meals out etc. He'd happily hand over anything he has if needed.

I don't think it needs to be joint accounts all the way as many do but it does need to be fair.

It’s not a derail to point out that advice that many on this thread would disagree with is also inconsistent with what is generally said, and that i personally believe it to be hypocritical of that poster.

do you feel 50:50
is fair when one person earns more?