Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH mad at me for visiting my friend

38 replies

GoldieLocks09 · 24/02/2025 21:15

My best friend just had a baby, she asked me to visit her in the hospital the day she gave birth after a very traumatic labour. I was honoured and left the house at about 5.30pm so my DH did bath & bed with our 2 DC. I got back a bit later and had picked him up some dinner on the way home.
Today she asked if I could nip over after work as she needed to shower but needed help from her DH. I gladly obliged, excited to see her and the baby, and provide some help.
I came home about 2 hours later and my DH is fuming with me - apparently I’m not putting our family first? Fair enough I didn’t see our kids tonight as they were in bed by the time I got home, but I’d made everyone’s dinner in the slow cooker, got out everything they needed for the evening routine and was back in time to eat with DH.
AIBU to think that he is being a massive dick? I’m trying to support my best friend of 30 years and it’s not like it’s a regular occurrence.. this is her first and according to Doctors, possibly last baby after how things went during birth.

OP posts:
AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 24/02/2025 21:57

Unbelievable. Imagine being jealous of a newborn (and one that almost didn't make it). Breathtaking.

ShouldIEvenBother · 24/02/2025 21:56

Of course you're not being unreasonable OP. The only person that could possibly think you are, would be a lazy twat that's fuming he has to actually look after his OWN children - clearly a rare occurrence and I suggest he needs the practice. Suggest it to him - that he engages more with his parental responsibilities to 'put his family first'.

riverislandjeans · 24/02/2025 21:51

He's annoyed because he's had to parent when you usually do and he doesn't like it.

You're being an amazing friend OP. Don't let his nasty traits put you off.

Stripeyanddotty · 24/02/2025 21:51

Every day on MM there is yet another eye opening, depressing post about the shit husbands and fathers that exist.
I feel nothing but pity for the women that are stuck with them.

Rewis · 24/02/2025 21:48

Poor man had to take care of his own children twice in the span of a week. He deserves a medal and a week holding holiday with his mates as a reward. Truly the father of the year going above and beyond of his duties.

Panterusblackish · 24/02/2025 21:47

He's being selfish and trying to control you.

Original poster
GoldieLocks09 · 24/02/2025 21:42

Haveyouanyjam · 24/02/2025 21:22

Did you text him?

So he has to look after his own children two evenings in a row so you can support your best friend immediately post partum after a traumatic birth and he’s having a strop about it?

How old are your DC?

Unless there is something that makes your children particularly challenging that requires both of you, YANBU. If you carry on indefinitely every night then that’s too much (maybe that’s what he’s worrying about) but for two nights he is absolutely being unreasonable.

Edited

She text me this morning before he went to work, so I had the conversation directly with him.. I then rang him at lunch time to let him know that he’d need to do childcare pick up at 5.30 as I planned to go over there as soon as I had finished work so I could get back to eat with him. At that point he seemed a bit funny about it then got really sh*tty later when I messaged to say remember you need to do pick up.. he finally brought it up to me when I got home and I questioned what was wrong and said that I’m not putting our family first and that she has parents that could do this for her.

I visited her in hospital Saturday evening & then again today, so not even 2 days on the trot! Our DC are 5 and 18m.. both go down to sleep well generally!

OP posts:
Haveyouanyjam · 24/02/2025 21:22

Did you text him?

So he has to look after his own children two evenings in a row so you can support your best friend immediately post partum after a traumatic birth and he’s having a strop about it?

How old are your DC?

Unless there is something that makes your children particularly challenging that requires both of you, YANBU. If you carry on indefinitely every night then that’s too much (maybe that’s what he’s worrying about) but for two nights he is absolutely being unreasonable.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 24/02/2025 21:21

I'm sure he's never left you to do dinner and bedtime for your DC.....

Yellowhammer09 · 24/02/2025 21:21

Your DH is BVU, of course. He needs to - to use the MN classic - get a grip.

Starlight7080 · 24/02/2025 21:21

He is being very selfish. He probably just wants you home doing everything .
Don't feel guilty.

TommyShelbysRazor · 24/02/2025 21:20

Massive. Twat.

It's pretty obvious he doesn't want to be left responsible for your children and begrudges you being out of the house and him having to parent alone.

Branleuse · 24/02/2025 21:19

Your husband is being a prick