Being called a smelly cunt

Shady11 · 2025-02-24T20:00:37+00:00

My partner of 20 years loves calling me names. I’ve been called cunt before but he called me a smelly cunt this time then tried to say I started the argument. I still don’t think it warrants the abusive name. I feel like everything I do is wrong, it’s never good enough he knit picks at me over every thing and barely makes eye contact it’s always about him, his job how busy he is. I feel really lost like I don’t matter, I’ve never felt good enough for him. In them 20 years we had kids on his terms, I was pregnant he didn’t want it I ended up losing the baby and eventually 10 years later he was ready to try I’ve two amazing kids now, but he has never even asked me to marry him: i feel really disconnected and utterly useless

OldChairMan · 04/03/2025 11:26

Wouldn't expect much else from him, but what about you?

It's not easy by any means, but you can get advice to help you move forward.

He's not going to provide the solution, he's the problem! It's down to you to take some steps forward.

Original poster

Shady11 · 04/03/2025 11:22

Still the same tbh he has been ignoring me ever since

OP posts:

OldChairMan · 04/03/2025 08:51

How are you doing, @Shady11?

You might find it helpful to keep a track of how you're feeling and your progress here and get some ongoing support.

ThreeLocusts · 24/02/2025 22:32

OP what everyone is saying: you are not the problem here, he is.

He sounds truly nasty. I'm angry for you. He's ground you down to a point where you struggle to see the obvious: that his behaviour is not right.

It's got to be very difficult to find a way forward with kids and anxiety attacks, but you need to get this creep out of your head, your bed, your life.

There doesn't have to be physical violence for women's aid to be interested. Talk to them, please.

tinytemper66 · 24/02/2025 22:02

He is a twat. You can either stay with him and put up with it or make a decision and stand up to him and leave.

TheNuthatch · 24/02/2025 21:57

He's the one that isn't good enough, not you op. He's the failure. Keep reminding yourself of that. How do you feel about phoning womens aid tomorrow as a first baby step? You dont need to commit to anything yet, just ask them for some advice. They might help you feel more confident to start thinking about a better life for you and your children.

Semiramide · 24/02/2025 21:44

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:35

We have mortgage on house together

Do you own 50:50? As joint tenants or tenants in common? How much equity - enough to start again on your own?

Original poster

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 21:38

OldChairMan · 24/02/2025 21:10

It is not OP's doing. These abusive creeps tend to start slow and undermine by stealth, often escalating after children are conceived and the woman is especially vulnerable. Focused on childcare and trying to make the best of it, the drip drip of abuse wears away at the woman's self-belief and agency. These men also target women who are already vulnerable to accepting shit behaviour due to a shit childhood/previous abuse.

OP, this is worth a look: www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

But the most important thing is to get advice on how you can move forward.

Show quote history

Thank you I will start this tonight

OP posts:

Original poster

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 21:34

OldChairMan · 24/02/2025 21:10

It is not OP's doing. These abusive creeps tend to start slow and undermine by stealth, often escalating after children are conceived and the woman is especially vulnerable. Focused on childcare and trying to make the best of it, the drip drip of abuse wears away at the woman's self-belief and agency. These men also target women who are already vulnerable to accepting shit behaviour due to a shit childhood/previous abuse.

OP, this is worth a look: www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

But the most important thing is to get advice on how you can move forward.

Show quote history

That’s it I’m not a stupid person by any stretch of the imagination it is being worn down I’ve never had much confidence in myself I always had a sense of not being good enough not smart enough not pretty enough I genuinely think people can see that in you. And they prey on it

OP posts:

Irridescantshimmmer · 24/02/2025 21:15

LTB..........for coercive control.

You deserve much better than him, and he deserves much worse than you

OldChairMan · 24/02/2025 21:12

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:55

The marriage thing that I mentioned is not me wanting that I feel like it’s just another thing that we always held over me like a kick in the stomach of you’re not even good enough to marry a way of keeping me down

He can't hold it over you ever again. You now know he's not fit to marry anyone. You get to reject him and his abusive crap.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 24/02/2025 21:11

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 24/02/2025 21:02

So you had been with this abusive person for 10 years and then went ahead and still had children with him, putting yourself in an even more vulnerable position? Girl………

… this is all your own doing. On the bright side, in the UK you can leave and survive decently as a single parent. I would strongly consider it. He is abusive and you need to leave.

This is all your own doing

Fuck me, victim blaming at it's best. How do you think that's going to make the OP feel when she's already been ground down by her abusive husband.

Girl... engage your brain before typing a reply to something you obviously have no clue about 🙄

OldChairMan · 24/02/2025 21:10

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 24/02/2025 21:02

So you had been with this abusive person for 10 years and then went ahead and still had children with him, putting yourself in an even more vulnerable position? Girl………

… this is all your own doing. On the bright side, in the UK you can leave and survive decently as a single parent. I would strongly consider it. He is abusive and you need to leave.

It is not OP's doing. These abusive creeps tend to start slow and undermine by stealth, often escalating after children are conceived and the woman is especially vulnerable. Focused on childcare and trying to make the best of it, the drip drip of abuse wears away at the woman's self-belief and agency. These men also target women who are already vulnerable to accepting shit behaviour due to a shit childhood/previous abuse.

OP, this is worth a look: www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

But the most important thing is to get advice on how you can move forward.

Imbusytodaysorry · 24/02/2025 21:06

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:11

He does love the kids, I guess I stayed so long in the hope of change I am an older mum so I felt like I didn’t want to have to start again with someone or miss my chance of being a mum as f*cked up as that sounds. I am no wall flower I have my faults but I just really feel like I’m at breaking point. I don’t really have a lot of people around me parents are not in great health either

You have your kids now . Leave and bring them up with peace and knowing respect .

Thisshirtisonfire · 24/02/2025 21:05

You know the answer.
You know you need to leave
This is such a waste of your life.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 24/02/2025 21:04

When I say your own doing I don’t mean that’s it’s your fault that he’s abusive, though. There’s no excuse for his behaviour.

AgnesX · 24/02/2025 21:03

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:42

No this is my first time on here as I’ve no one really to talk to about it. I don’t want to upset my parents thinking I’m being spoken to like that they don’t have great health as is and I just can’t do it to them

If you were my daughter I'd want to help. Health or otherwise.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 24/02/2025 21:02

So you had been with this abusive person for 10 years and then went ahead and still had children with him, putting yourself in an even more vulnerable position? Girl………

… this is all your own doing. On the bright side, in the UK you can leave and survive decently as a single parent. I would strongly consider it. He is abusive and you need to leave.

ThighsYouCantControl · 24/02/2025 21:01

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:15

At the moment I am not as I was getting bad anxiety and panic attacks

You’re in an abusive relationship. He’s worn you down so you are completely destroyed and feel like you cannot cope without him and his abuse. Please seek help to leave. For your sake and your children’s. He’s not an amazing or brilliant or whatever dad, they are being abused by him because they are witnessing i
him abuse you. In my experience these monsters do eventually start directly abusing their children sooner or later.

eta no you have the anxiety and panic attacks because you are being abused.

DorothyStorm · 24/02/2025 20:57

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:51

That’s such good advise I’m glad ur doing good. And that is what I worry about the poorer house and house he single mom as we are in a really good area at the moment. He has called me names in front of my child before and I definitely do not want them thinking that’s ok. I really hope this is the last straw for me

I really hope this is the last straw for me
This is conpletely in your control.

AquaPeer · 24/02/2025 20:56

You poor thing, you must be so miserable

Original poster

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:55

The marriage thing that I mentioned is not me wanting that I feel like it’s just another thing that we always held over me like a kick in the stomach of you’re not even good enough to marry a way of keeping me down

OP posts:

Original poster

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:51

That’s such good advise I’m glad ur doing good. And that is what I worry about the poorer house and house he single mom as we are in a really good area at the moment. He has called me names in front of my child before and I definitely do not want them thinking that’s ok. I really hope this is the last straw for me

OP posts:

Simplynotsimple · 24/02/2025 20:46

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:42

No this is my first time on here as I’ve no one really to talk to about it. I don’t want to upset my parents thinking I’m being spoken to like that they don’t have great health as is and I just can’t do it to them

I must be getting you mixed up with another poster, women’s aid is the best way forward. It’s not a situation to bring up children in.

BMW6 · 24/02/2025 20:43

You are suffering abuse. Take your kids and get out to a refuge. They will help you get maintenance from him and benefits if needed to support you and your kids seperate from him.

The first step is to ring them and get out. He won't change, so you must leave him.