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Original poster

Rural life has gone to pot

157 replies

Thefabulousfrench · 24/02/2025 19:46

Hi all,

Ergh! Just ergh! Am I being unreasonable for wanting my elderly neighbour to turn his ridiculously loud TV down?
Back story, you might want a drink/snacks for this.

We moved to a semi rural village back in 2018, it's a semi detached bungalow and it was one step away from being unmortgageable it was horrendous, the gas fire was condemned, no hot water, the front garden was a burial plot to a 32 inch tv and rather than clear the place out before we moved in respectfully, the previous owners left broken glass everywhere and the fire ravaged remains of a 3 seater sofa in the back garden. However, we saw potential through the black glossed everything and vivid blood red walls, hey, we even tolerated the spiders that paced through, the size of field mice.

Well we got to work and 4 skips later (considering this was meant to be an EMPTY property) we started to gut the place and take it back to brick. Fast forward 6 months or so log burner in, rewire, new windows, walls down, patio doors in, new bathroom/kitchen, you get the gist, he starts...
Elderly neighbour, hmm maybe late 70's now, he first off decides that our log burner is dropping ash all over his garden furniture (it wasn't) the 2nd time he came around for the same thing, our fire wasn't even on and you could see the culprit over the roof tops, billowing out some mad coloured smoke with bits floating in the wind. He then comes around to tell us he has peas in his drain and it must be us, erm?
He peeks through the fence too to spy on our back garden, so we put a shed there. Ha.
Ok, so rural life, tick, quiet tick, neighbour weird but hey ho, then his wife died!
For the last 6 months he's literally got zero fucks about anything, he has his TV on full bloody blast from 7am to 11pm, he has all his drunken arsehole friends round watching football and they sit there 5 nights out of 7 clapping, cheering and whistling and doing this really weird kinda husky growl. Weird old fuckers!
He has the news on that loud I can hear it word for word, well I have tried being nice, I have tried turning our TV up loud to make a point, I've tried white noise, a dehumidifier and my poor alexa on max volume with some rather bopful clubland choons like haddaway and snap, but all of this was to no avail!
So now, most nights, I end up watching TV on my bed like a teenager in her room, and I'm livid, I own my house and I have the right to sit in my lounge in sodding peace.

Now the old fool knows he's in the wrong as when he sees me on the cul de sac he scurries into his house, he visits the neighbours on the other side of me and he'll loiter in her doorway until I go back in from the front garden before he leaves, weirdo. I do sometimes wait until he's half way across and then take a solitary item out to the bin to catch him out, but he scurries onwards.

I DID feel sorry for him, but not any more, I'm thinking of selling up, I have costed up some sound proofing, we're looking at around £1000, the walls that attach to him are just the lounge and kitchen, all other rooms don't touch, the other option is a conservatory, but why should I spend £££££ cos of his bad behaviour?

Now it gets worse.... PORN! The other day he waited until my other half left for work and he decided to blast porn, he knew I was home alone (woman, 40's, unhealthy gin addiction) all I could hear was moans and groans and oh yeah's (I recorded it and it's quite clear what it is) now I'm not a prude, but seriously yuk, and you could hear him groaning, ergh, ergh and shudder.

So do I
a) drink more gin
b) let everyone in the village know he's a perv
c) move
d) put a conservatory on and hopefully sit in peace
e) tell the council
f) something else
g) cast a spell
h) lose my shit fully

thanks for reading....

I cba with being reasonable and kind anymore, I'm not a bitch I'm actually really caring and kind, but fuck me he's pushing some buttons that send my rage meters through the roof. I also now work from home so that is NOT helping, I've gone from being a full time retail manager, who was out the house for 10+ hours a day to being in these 4 sodding walls all day, so yes, that's really not helping either.

I'm ranting, I need gin.

OP posts:
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BlumminFreezin · 02/03/2025 18:28

I have tried being nice, I have tried turning our TV up loud to make a point, I've tried white noise, a dehumidifier and my poor alexa on max volume with some rather bopful clubland choons like haddaway and snap

Have you tried actually talking to him? Or failing that, a note through the door - polite but no-nonsense.

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 18:21

RainbowMoonbeam · 02/03/2025 14:49

Trauma isn't an excuse to act like an AH. You're responsible for how you process grief and if it becomes detrimental or destructive to others, you should be held responsible for that.

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Held responsible, yes. But that doesn't need to involve trying to make him a laughing stock in his own community. That just seems incredibly cruel to me.

RainbowMoonbeam · 02/03/2025 14:49

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 14:33

Seriously? As much as this guy is being an arse and his behaviour isn't OK, he's also a recently bereaved person and this seems unnecessarily cruel.

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Trauma isn't an excuse to act like an AH. You're responsible for how you process grief and if it becomes detrimental or destructive to others, you should be held responsible for that.

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 14:33

FckTheSchGateHuns · 25/02/2025 14:00

Start a tiktok channel "weird sh*t my creepy neighbour does", don't show him but trust that him knowing everyone around him is laughing at him, may make him re-think his behaviour.

Seriously? As much as this guy is being an arse and his behaviour isn't OK, he's also a recently bereaved person and this seems unnecessarily cruel.

Atina321 · 02/03/2025 11:06

I mean, just to put it out there, and it’s a wild idea for Mumsnet, but have you tried talking to him nicely? He may just be a bit deaf and not realise the noise is a problem (his wife probably wasn’t deaf and used to control the volume!)

The other bits just sound like he is struggling with the loss of his wife and didn’t realise what he was doing was rude and annoying.

Just tell him what his actions are doing, if he doesn’t get the message then speak to the council about the noise disturbance.

welshmercury · 27/02/2025 22:50

Report online to police as antisocial behaviour. Report to
council etc.

knock on the door and say you thought someone was being murdered with all
the porn screaming.

call him out on it when you see him hiding

SigmaStarFlower · 27/02/2025 16:45

I’m curious to the backstory relating to OPs dilemma. Did your neighbour and you introduce yourselves or did you move in and just get on with renovations? I used to live in a village and everyone loves looking out of windows etc to have a good nose as there’s nothing else going on. The village I lived in was a funny old place. I ended up not knowing anyone anymore once my children left primary school.

Pippyls67 · 27/02/2025 11:44

thequeenoftarts · 24/02/2025 20:20

I'd step out the front and roar Alfred the whole neighbourhood can hear your porn on tv. Turn it down you dirty fucker or I'm calling the police, each and every time and call them. Report him for sexual harassment and intimidation. Get witnesses in, get the local postie to hear, call the priest and report him. People like him hate being shamed in the village and oh boy can small villages gossip about men like him.

This, this and this. Poor you. Gin in the meantime is an excellent idea but careful he doesn’t counter the rumours by slandering you as a lush. 🤞🏻 Best of luck.

Ilikeadrink14 · 27/02/2025 10:25

Sto123 · 25/02/2025 17:57

I think u sound an arse

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And you don’t??

Nextdoor55 · 26/02/2025 22:45

DiduAye · 26/02/2025 21:11

He's perfectly at liberty to watch porn although maybe it wasn't porn he may have been entertaining Mind you don't clutch your pearls too hard ! There are routes to take about excessive noise but here's a tip don't be describing him as a perve or in any other derogatory way when you make your complaint

I agree it could be very bad to try to give this person a reputation he doesn't deserve.

SnippySnappy · 26/02/2025 21:46

StrikeAlways · 26/02/2025 21:44

Oh no. That’s depressing. I thought that would always be a magic bullet if I had an issue with a different property in future years. Thankfully, I have lived in a detached house for the past 13 years.

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We were certainly depressed afterwards I can tell you. Part exchanged the house for a detached new build a decade and never looked back - although it took a good 6 months for me to stop being anxious if I heard a noise that sounded like my old next door neighbours...!

StrikeAlways · 26/02/2025 21:44

SnippySnappy · 26/02/2025 20:23

Be very careful and do your research before going down the soundproofing route. Sound travels in lots of funny ways and more often than not it's very difficult to make a decent improvement. We spent a fair bit of money on this to find this out, using the very best kit.

As you're in a bungalow you may have more luck though as you'll have fewer wall space to cover...

Do you know if you share floor joists? That was the killer for us.

Oh no. That’s depressing. I thought that would always be a magic bullet if I had an issue with a different property in future years. Thankfully, I have lived in a detached house for the past 13 years.

DiduAye · 26/02/2025 21:11

He's perfectly at liberty to watch porn although maybe it wasn't porn he may have been entertaining Mind you don't clutch your pearls too hard ! There are routes to take about excessive noise but here's a tip don't be describing him as a perve or in any other derogatory way when you make your complaint

SnippySnappy · 26/02/2025 20:23

Be very careful and do your research before going down the soundproofing route. Sound travels in lots of funny ways and more often than not it's very difficult to make a decent improvement. We spent a fair bit of money on this to find this out, using the very best kit.

As you're in a bungalow you may have more luck though as you'll have fewer wall space to cover...

Do you know if you share floor joists? That was the killer for us.

Nextdoor55 · 26/02/2025 19:26

You want a house that's detached, you'll always hear neighbours when you live right next door. Sounds like you a know way too much about him.
I'd be having a full conversation with him explaining all the issues face to face, I wouldn't let him scuttle away I'd knock on his door.

NotVeryFunny · 26/02/2025 18:41

Thewindsofchange · 25/02/2025 13:57

That sounds awful. We've had noisy neighbours (in London) but that's horrible.

Do you have a street WhatsApp or Facebook group? If so, tag him with 'please can you turn the porn down, it's very distracting'.
Wait 10-15 mins and then add 'whoops, is this the street group? I thought i was messaging direct'.
My sensible advice is not to play him at his own game by turning the music etc up loud. If you do complain he will too.
Ask him politely to be quiet each time and log it. Make it known to him that you are logging it.

I'm not sure I'd use the word "distracting". Sounds like you are quite enjoying it but it's not massively convenient when you are trying to get on with the hoovering! 😂

Cowabunga33 · 26/02/2025 18:35

I was born in a mostly rural area, you’d be amazed the people I’ve come across in my time, most recent are a lovely couple who have a solicitor onto their neighbour for a bush lol……….only about a mile away from their house…….rural also brings bored rich folk with nothing better to do……….

HAB75 · 26/02/2025 13:18

If you report him to noise abatement, they would swing into action - they love a nice, middle-class problem to sink their otherwise ineffective teeth into. They will give it plenty of their time, because it means they take less abuse. However, potentially that's perversely a black mark against your property when you sell (because your property has been linked to a neighbourhood dispute). This means you've legitimately got two options; sound-proofing or move. You could wage war through the village network, and this hath its pleasures, but the likelihood is that he will wear that as a badge of honour, even if you turn everyone else against him - I have seen this happen. Next time, move further out and buy detached - you may still get unpleasant neighbours, but they aren't encroaching into your space.

DigitalGoat · 26/02/2025 09:36

No advice but I love your writing style. I'd get working on a memoir!

DazzlingCuckoos · 26/02/2025 09:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Oh the basis that he scuttles away every time he sees her coming, yes, I do.

StrikeAlways · 26/02/2025 02:05

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 24/02/2025 19:53

Record the noise, and report to your local council that he's creating a noise so bad, that it's making living in your own home most unpleasant.

This is definately worth a try. Also bear in mind that £1000 in sound proofing is much, much cheaper than the costs of moving house and may solve your problem!

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 26/02/2025 02:00

If you’re serious about selling up and moving on. Do not start a compliant, you’ll need to declare neighbour disputes and it might impact any sale.

imtheholidayarmadillo · 26/02/2025 00:41

Arcticrival · 25/02/2025 14:38

Same issue though - has she actually politely asked him to turn his TV down instead of making him out to be some sexual deviant. FFS maybe he's just deaf, as many old people are. All talk of reporting him to council, outing him on FB, just totally OTT. Thinking it's all about HER, He's entitled to watch porn if he wants.

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Watch it, yes. Inflict it on OP, no. I'm sure the guy's having a terrible time of it, being recently bereaved, but some things are just not on.

BoldAmberDuck · 25/02/2025 22:19

Sto123 · 25/02/2025 17:57

I think u sound an arse

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So do i

BoldAmberDuck · 25/02/2025 22:17

Do you think he might be retaliating for all the noise you made over last few months renovating the house? Not right but it might be how he is justifying it to himself. If you start shouting abuse in the street you are just lowering yourself and will be very unpopular. He may have lived there years. Watching porn doesn’t make him a pervert