Party, child with visible difference

This is awful, I'm so sorry. The text message you quoted is absolutely perfect x

Obviously and of course her request about prior warning needs correcting but this is an opportunity for education not ripping shreds off someone

Tell her to fuck the fuck off and fuck off some more. What a horrible, horrible person.

I feel like other posters have summed this up brilliantly tbh. If you wanted to be the bigger person/throw her a bone you could point her in the direction of a book which helps kids learn about disabilities and differences. Surely this isn't the first time an 8 year old has seen someone who is physically different to them?! Mind-blowing that she hasn't ever considered how to speak to her children about it should the topic arise and even more boggling that she had the audacity to project any of that responsibility onto you.

Here are a few books we have

Included - https://amzn.eu/d/gwUb75f
All about diversity - https://amzn.eu/d/hNkedi6
All bodies are wonderful - https://amzn.eu/d/hNkedi6

Might be a bit young for 8 year olds though.

It's in no way your responsibility to send her these by the way, she should be doing that herself.

I agree. How absolutely disgusting.

I see what you’re saying but I think the faux outrage and offence nullifies any sense of asking for advice in good faith.

I do wonder if it was actually her kids who said about it or whether the mum herself was being an asshole. I highly doubt her kids were upset. Regardless she can F off, how vile.

She is totally unreasonable not just a bit. We haven't kept 'different' looking people hidden away in institutions for a long time now.

I agree, love this response too

I’m really shocked at the responses here. This is a situation where we do better when we know better. This woman has asked for advice. She didn’t make a scene at the time and although the comment about prior warning is wrong what’s wrong with educating her nicely on the other point?

I remember my ds who had a fit in judo class running out (first session). His partner had a stump instead of a hand. They were 7 and my son was really afraid. I spoke to the little boy and his dad and we decided to meet up in the playground the next say. My DS was afraid, then curious and asked many questions and then forgot all about it when they went away and played.
So I get it that differencies sometimes can be scary at first. But for an adult they are not so what's hard without explaining to your child that we're all different but all the same (human beings) which applies to race, sex, disabilities etc.

Actually OP, depending on the mood I was in, I might have made her squirm with something like "Sorry, I don't quite understand that part. Because it sounds like you think your daughter should be the one who is protected when encountering someone's physical difference and surely that's not what you mean? Can you elaborate please?"

Tbh I’d go in and have a chat with the teacher to see if they could address inclusion in the class. As for the mum, I’d probably respond with something along the lines of “physical appearance isn’t contagious, unfortunately attitudes like yours are”

I would reply “no. Your daughter wasn’t upset at seeing a child who is visibly different to her. I mean why on earth would she be? So why not stop making excuses for the fact that you’re a lying bigoted bitch. Oh, and it’s worth remembering that we’re all just a car crash away from becoming disabled. HTH..”.

Obviously it does happen that children are inquisitive and ask questions. But to say an 8 year old was upset is just lies. It didn’t happen.

And by that I mean that the child wasn’t upset, the mother is just a bitch.

Thank her for the 'heads up' that she has kindly let you know never to invite her to anything ever again!

That’s absolutely disgusting. I doubt her DC was even upset, they probably just asked out of curiosity like children do.

Unfortunately these 'people walk among us and think there's nothing wrong with their behaviour. Usually because they've been brought up in an insular & prejudiced family & partner up with similar minded people.

My friend's son has SEN and went to a lovely childminder who did great work with him. He made friend's with another little girl who was at the same childminder's. Unfortunately, her parents didn't approve of their dd's friendship with a child with SEND. They initially tried to get the childminder to drop him but she wouldn't so they pulled their dd out & put her in a mainstream nursery. Her parents didn't want her to catch the 'SEN' just like some men don't want their sons to catch the 'gay'.

Don’t have a go at her ! She may have worded it badly but she’s asked for advice, it is perhaps not a situation she has encountered before and you have a real opportunity for educating her here. Perhaps a kind reply explaining there was not any need for prior warning of any sort as she is a bit unreasonable about that but I appreciate she may have been taken off guard when her dc were distressed. Perhaps point her in the direction of some good resources ?

'Noted. I'll remember you don't want her invited again'.

“Frankly your message is beyond offensive. Please do not speak to me about this, or any other matter again. Good day”

Disgusting reaction from that mother.

Nope. She needs bringing into the 21st century. Her behaviour is not acceptable. At all. And she needs to know that.

Bloody hell. I think I might say something like, “Glad X enjoyed the party. I’m not sure what to say about your comment about little Ben’s port wine stain to be honest. I don’t think that’s an appropriate or acceptable request at all.”

It reminds me of that time there was a CBBC presenter with a limb difference and parents were writing in to complain that it was scaring their children. 😠

Absolutely despicable OP. I'm so sorry and so sorry for your relative. Well done you for protecting her from people like this in future.

This has particularly touched a nerve for me as someone carrying a DD with a birth defect. So I'm not quite sure what I'd say just yet other than what I mentioned above: I'd flip her words about protecting her DD and say not to worry because you won't be invited again as you'll be protecting your relative from such attitudes.

How can somebody make someone's physical difference about them? Wow...

You could probably do more to change her mind by suggesting you meet for a coffee.

Something like, 'Surprised by your message but ok to meet to discuss. Please suggest time and cafe.'

She'll probably bottle out....