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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have invited my friend’s girlfriend to the wedding?

140 replies

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 17:01

We sent out wedding invitations a month ago for our wedding in the early summer. A friend of mine (and now my partner’s) of around a decade has been invited, but his girlfriend, whom he’s been with for approx 2 years, has not. The rationale is that I’ve never actually met her - I see him quite regularly but she always makes excuses or drops out at the last minute. This must’ve happened on around 10 occasions, so I stopped asking and she’s never made any effort. They don’t live together. Our friendship has changed a bit as a result and I do see him less often but we still have a good time when we do.

Onto the wedding… my wedding is not small but we have struggled a bit with numbers and also had a mental rule that while there may be some instances where one of us had not met a guest, if neither bride nor groom had met the +1, we were minded not to invite them unless there were extenuating circumstances.

My friend is actually fine with this and was very understanding - and I said if we got some declines and there was space I’d consider inviting GF closer to the time.

Apparently the woman is so incensed by the lack of invite that there’s no point even inviting her later. She is completely outraged because he was invited as a +1 to a wedding of her friend’s (who I obviously don’t know! Not sure how it’s relevant). So - was I BU to not invite her?

OP posts:
PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 18:10

MissUltraViolet · 24/02/2025 18:07

I’d say you were being unreasonable but she has declined and backed out of all your invitations. You’ve put effort into trying to meet her and get to know her and she hasn’t bothered at all. I wouldn’t invite her either.

Although you may as well have, judging her past behaviour she wouldn’t have gone anyway. Now she gets to play poor old me and spin the narrative that makes you seem like the unreasonable one.

I feel sorry for your friend. Has she met any of his friends?

Out of five of us, she has met one by accident and another by choice. The rest she refuses to meet. I am baffled by it - there’s no backstory, I’ve been with my partner 7 of the 10 years I’ve known the guy.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 24/02/2025 18:09

I would have invited her out of respect and consideration for your friend. 🤷‍♀️

MissUltraViolet · 24/02/2025 18:07

I’d say you were being unreasonable but she has declined and backed out of all your invitations. You’ve put effort into trying to meet her and get to know her and she hasn’t bothered at all. I wouldn’t invite her either.

Although you may as well have, judging her past behaviour she wouldn’t have gone anyway. Now she gets to play poor old me and spin the narrative that makes you seem like the unreasonable one.

I feel sorry for your friend. Has she met any of his friends?

RaininSummer · 24/02/2025 18:06

Normally I would say it's a bit rude not to invite a plus one but not in this case as she has rejected lots of opportunities to meet you.

OrangeYaGlad · 24/02/2025 18:04

TeenLifeMum · 24/02/2025 17:29

Going to a wedding without a plus 1 shit. Honestly, who would want to do that?

Well he goes to any other event with the OP without plus one, as she refuses to meet them!

I think people who are saying you should invite are missing that she has seriously gone out of her way to not meet you. Why would anyone invite her in those circumstances? Why would she go?

Floralnomad · 24/02/2025 18:02

It’s fine , they don’t even live together and you don’t know her . If they lived together I think I’d have invited her though .

nottoplan · 24/02/2025 18:02

I wouldn’t go unless my partner was invited as well , weddings are hard work and easier if your with someone

Doingmybestbut · 24/02/2025 18:00

I think if they don’t live together it’s ok.

MrsPeterHarris · 24/02/2025 17:54

JHound · 24/02/2025 17:41

It’s perfectly fine for you to not invite somebody you do not know to your wedding.

I cannot even imagine throwing a fuss over somebody else’s guest list especially when I had made zero effort to meet the marrying couple.

Edited

This!

ItGhoul · 24/02/2025 17:47

I think I'd always try to include a +1 on someone's invitation if at all possible, but if she really has cancelled on you that many times in the past, I can see why you wouldn't bother in this particular case! I don't think YABU and even if you had been a bit of a dick, her response would be way too dramatic and disproportionate. If I were in her situation, I might think 'Wait, am I not invited as his +1? Bit harsh. Oh well' and then would think about it for precisely zero further seconds.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 24/02/2025 17:44

You are absolutely nbu. My mil pushed for us to invite 2 girlfriends of family friends and they're now out of the picture but firmly stuck in our bloody wedding pictures forever. I should never have given in to it.

hakunahakuna · 24/02/2025 17:43

If your friend was, say, a colleague from work and you just hadn't met their wife then I would definitely invite her as a +1.

However, this seems different as he is a friend and you've tried to meet her on a number of occasions but she keeps declining!

Therefore, it's your choice if you invite her! She has no right to be annoyed!

JHound · 24/02/2025 17:41

It’s perfectly fine for you to not invite somebody you do not know to your wedding.

I cannot even imagine throwing a fuss over somebody else’s guest list especially when I had made zero effort to meet the marrying couple.

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 17:39

MumonabikeE5 · 24/02/2025 17:35

Well I made up 50, but I meant if it’s a very very small wedding then maybe it’s ok, but frankly I would be upset if my partner of 2 years was invited to a wedding without me. Because it sort of closes the door on that friendship before it’s even started.

I invited both parts of couples for my wedding.

I kind of get where you’re coming from and in most cases we have invited both parts of couples, but to be honest I think the fact that neither of us has met her tipped the balance for me.

I would add that I’ve been with my fiancé 7 years and have been invited to a few weddings without him (as recently as last year), I personally wasn’t hugely upset by this as in both cases he didn’t know the bride or groom and I went with mutual friends.

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 24/02/2025 17:37

MumonabikeE5 · 24/02/2025 17:35

Well I made up 50, but I meant if it’s a very very small wedding then maybe it’s ok, but frankly I would be upset if my partner of 2 years was invited to a wedding without me. Because it sort of closes the door on that friendship before it’s even started.

I invited both parts of couples for my wedding.

This woman closed the door on the friendship herself, by bailing every time op tried to meet her. She can’t have it both ways.

MumonabikeE5 · 24/02/2025 17:35

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 17:32

Why 50?

Well I made up 50, but I meant if it’s a very very small wedding then maybe it’s ok, but frankly I would be upset if my partner of 2 years was invited to a wedding without me. Because it sort of closes the door on that friendship before it’s even started.

I invited both parts of couples for my wedding.

mindutopia · 24/02/2025 17:33

I think it’s fine. If you do have space later, I’d consider being the bigger person and inviting her. That way it’s her turning down the invitation.

We invited Dh’s cousin and his long term girlfriend but not the gf of Dh’s other cousin (they’d been dating about 4 months at that point). Between invites going out and wedding, cousin and long term gf broke up. And they decided to trade their plus ones. We didn’t even know til a few days before when cousin with new gf needed to request a vegetarian meal for her! 😳 Sounds chaotic, but was fine.

They are now a decade married with 2 dc and she’s lovely so I’m glad it worked out. She always tells me that our wedding was the best one she’s ever been to and they actually asked to ‘borrow’ a few things we did (it was quite an eccentric humanist wedding). So I always feel a little smug about that as well. 😂

Flibberti · 24/02/2025 17:33

We didn't invite +1s that we hadn't met. One friend complained and didn't come, but it was her choice! Not my problem! She would've known other friends, also there!

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 17:32

MumonabikeE5 · 24/02/2025 17:30

I think it’s a faux pas to not invite a significant partner to a wedding with a guest list of more than 50

Why 50?

OP posts:
RickiRaccoon · 24/02/2025 17:32

I usually think people should invite established couples since I hate the social awkwardness of half couples turning up to weddings just because people don't pick the right venue that they can afford. However, in this instance I don't think you're in the wrong since you've never actually met her.

If people don't make the most basic social effort to meet their partner'sfriends and family, why should they expect invites to social events?

Duvetafternoon · 24/02/2025 17:32

I think you probably need to remember you're hearing this from him... I bet her version is a bit different.

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 17:32

TeenLifeMum · 24/02/2025 17:29

Going to a wedding without a plus 1 shit. Honestly, who would want to do that?

He is friends with at least five other guests.

OP posts:
MumonabikeE5 · 24/02/2025 17:30

I think it’s a faux pas to not invite a significant partner to a wedding with a guest list of more than 50

TeenLifeMum · 24/02/2025 17:29

Going to a wedding without a plus 1 shit. Honestly, who would want to do that?

FlipFlopsSpots · 24/02/2025 17:29

You've done nothing wrong and you have explained all the reasons to your friend who seems to understand. She sounds hard work!

When I got married we only invited 10 guests. My best friend at the time had a new partner (of just a few months) who I hadn't met, or maybe just met once briefly I can't remember! and i didn't foresee them remaining together for long after the wedding, they were a very odd match! So we didn't invite her! I didn't want to look back at my wedding photos and keep seeing some random person who meant absolutely nothing to me! Given the size of the wedding party, it was v intimate and really just for close family and my two best friends and my husbands best man and his wife (who we knew a long time).

My friend was upset I'd not invited her partner, so I had to invite her. Sure enough, a month after the wedding they split up. She didn't even speak to me at the wedding! She's in all the photos! But now when I look back I just try and remember the funny side

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