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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have invited my friend’s girlfriend to the wedding?

140 replies

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 17:01

We sent out wedding invitations a month ago for our wedding in the early summer. A friend of mine (and now my partner’s) of around a decade has been invited, but his girlfriend, whom he’s been with for approx 2 years, has not. The rationale is that I’ve never actually met her - I see him quite regularly but she always makes excuses or drops out at the last minute. This must’ve happened on around 10 occasions, so I stopped asking and she’s never made any effort. They don’t live together. Our friendship has changed a bit as a result and I do see him less often but we still have a good time when we do.

Onto the wedding… my wedding is not small but we have struggled a bit with numbers and also had a mental rule that while there may be some instances where one of us had not met a guest, if neither bride nor groom had met the +1, we were minded not to invite them unless there were extenuating circumstances.

My friend is actually fine with this and was very understanding - and I said if we got some declines and there was space I’d consider inviting GF closer to the time.

Apparently the woman is so incensed by the lack of invite that there’s no point even inviting her later. She is completely outraged because he was invited as a +1 to a wedding of her friend’s (who I obviously don’t know! Not sure how it’s relevant). So - was I BU to not invite her?

OP posts:
Bloom15 · 25/02/2025 21:06

@PlusOneThousand We had day guests and then a few more came at night. I just think all guests should have a plus 1 as it is a bit rubbish to attend all all day thing on your own (not necessarily with a romantic partner), when most others are in couples.

It is your day and she needs to respect that but I just think not inviting guest plus one is a bit off.

Enjoy your day though!

Letty186 · 25/02/2025 21:04

My then boyfriend wasn’t invited to my cousins wedding after we’d been together 17 months and I was upset. They’d not met him due to distance as we lived 2 hours apart and he worked weekends in retail which was when we met up, we didn’t live together. If it hadn’t been my cousin, I would have declined the invitation, I hate going to weddings alone. We’ve been together 24 years now, so it was the beginning of something long term.

However, I’m a great believer in your day your way and it’s up to the guest to decline the invite if they’re not comfortable. For us everyone had a +1 invite even if we didn’t know them, but that was how we wanted our day to be.

Personally I would extend an invite if one becomes available, this appears to be a good friend to you both and it may be a way of building some form of relationship with his partner if she’s going to be around.

PlusOneThousand · 25/02/2025 21:01

Bloom15 · 25/02/2025 20:58

I think YABU - because I think inviting anyone to the day time event is a bit shot. I invited all day guests with a plus one - single or not, and whether I knew who they were being or not.

What do you mean by this sorry? My wedding starts at 3pm and will go until the wee hours, all guests are invited for all of it. There’s no day/evening guest split.

OP posts:
Bloom15 · 25/02/2025 20:58

I think YABU - because I think inviting anyone to the day time event is a bit shot. I invited all day guests with a plus one - single or not, and whether I knew who they were being or not.

HelloCheekyCat · 25/02/2025 20:54

People.talk about the girlfriend being snubbed but she's snubbed OP and her partner for 2 years (Andy the rest of the friendship group by the sounds of it) so where are her manners???.

Wherearethewaves · 25/02/2025 20:45

Put all the 'rules' listed here aside- it's your day so you can celebrate in any way that suits you- if you don't want to invite her (and I wouldn't either if someone had repeatedly turned down invites to meet) that's absolutely fine. Lots of people seem fixated by convention (but 'rules' vary from person to person and family to family, as well demonstrated by the replies here, so you'll never keep everyone happy anyway!), but seem to forget that it's not a summons that you get for a wedding- it's an invitation. One that you can gratefully accept, or politely decline...

Kahless · 25/02/2025 20:30

TizerorFizz · 24/02/2025 17:08

You should have invited her. 2 years isn’t 2 months. My now DH would have said no to you if you had not invited me. You invite her because you respect him. Whether you have met her is besides the point. In the circumstances I’d not come off the subs bench to make up the numbers. I’d be booking a very nice day out for myself.

Why, I wouldn't invite strangers to my wedding.

damnedifyoudoandsoon · 25/02/2025 20:20

Honestly I did this. And I regret it.
I totally understand it, and personally I always feel privileged to be invited to a wedding at any stage.

One of our best friends (and my husbands best man) had a new girlfriend mid wedding planning stage we
Decided not to invite her to our destination wedding judt the party at home afte.- I didn't want her in my small wedding pics as I thought it was going to be a short term fling. She was livid and has never agreed to socialise with us since, they have stayed together in the following decade, and whilst I still think she was unreasonable
Not us it has damaged our brilliant friendship with the best man. So for that reason I wish I had just let her come (although I suspect she would have found something else to hate us for!!)

healthybychristmas · 25/02/2025 09:57

The reason you haven't met her is because she doesn't want to meet you so why on earth would you invite her to your wedding?

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 25/02/2025 09:45

Or a stranger who wants to be invited so that they can drop out later 😂

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 25/02/2025 09:17

Snowmanscarf · 24/02/2025 21:35

So you’ve never been to a wedding or other event, as a plus one before?

Nope, only ones I'm obligated to attend, where I actually know and like the hosts.
'plus one' is pretty dated now, it costs so much per guest why would anyone want to pay for a complete stranger (in this case a stranger who has no interest in OP) to attend the most important day of their life?

PlusOneThousand · 25/02/2025 07:35

Gravytanned · 25/02/2025 06:23

I find the expected plus 1 thing so weird. I think I've been to one wedding ever where there was +1 on the invitation (rather than a known and named guest).

I did invite a few partners of people who I hadn't met but they were living together/married and established. I hadn't met them because the opportunity hadn't arisen not because they'd refused to.

So I'm with the OP in not wanting randoms at their wedding and especially people who've gone out of their way to not meet them.

The only exception I'd make to a +1 is if someone was coming who didn't know anyone else.

I've been to weddings on my own where my longstanding partner/husband wasn't invited. One an evening do (the horror!) and I had a group of friends there.

I went to one recently where I was surprised he was invited as he'd only met the couple once. I'd have been more than happy to go alone.

It's fine, I'm able to socialise without my partner.

I actually also don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding with “plus ones”, always named guests.

OP posts:
Gravytanned · 25/02/2025 06:23

I find the expected plus 1 thing so weird. I think I've been to one wedding ever where there was +1 on the invitation (rather than a known and named guest).

I did invite a few partners of people who I hadn't met but they were living together/married and established. I hadn't met them because the opportunity hadn't arisen not because they'd refused to.

So I'm with the OP in not wanting randoms at their wedding and especially people who've gone out of their way to not meet them.

The only exception I'd make to a +1 is if someone was coming who didn't know anyone else.

I've been to weddings on my own where my longstanding partner/husband wasn't invited. One an evening do (the horror!) and I had a group of friends there.

I went to one recently where I was surprised he was invited as he'd only met the couple once. I'd have been more than happy to go alone.

It's fine, I'm able to socialise without my partner.

Reugny · 25/02/2025 00:21

YANBU

You have tried to meet her for 2 years and she has refused every time.

So she has decided she doesn't want to mix with her bf mates, so no point inviting her.

Tiredofallthis101 · 25/02/2025 00:08

I wouldn't waste your energy on her, YANBU. She sounds like a rude and entitled person not to recognise she's made zero effort with you and many people don't offer plus ones. It's not a jolly for all and sundry, it's a celebration of your love to include your friends and family, neither of which she is. Sure some traditional people might do plus ones or for very large weddings, but you can't get pissy if someone doesn't. Ignore and go with your original plan of offering an invite subject to space.

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 23:50

Silverpalmdeco · 24/02/2025 23:11

Bet those 5 other guests have plus 1s right?
Whether you have met her or not , he will probably feel very out of place without a plus 1. This is about your friendship with him not tit for tat with her.

Three are coming as singles, one is a couple and we know them both.

OP posts:
Youremylobster86 · 24/02/2025 23:31

I'm getting married next year OP with a wedding of 55 guests and have taken the exact same approach as you. I have a group of 7 close friends, and I'm not close with their partners. If I did include their plus ones it would mean that 7 people cannot come who I would love to be there and see regularly. I wouldn't consider leaving anyone on their own, but if your guest has other friends there it's no big deal at all.

Silverpalmdeco · 24/02/2025 23:11

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 17:32

He is friends with at least five other guests.

Bet those 5 other guests have plus 1s right?
Whether you have met her or not , he will probably feel very out of place without a plus 1. This is about your friendship with him not tit for tat with her.

TagSplashMaverick · 24/02/2025 22:17

You’ve done the right thing. She has avoided you for two years, despite your efforts. Why would she think she was entitled to come and eat and drink at your expense? Why would she want to celebrate your wedding, she’s worked so hard not to know you?! Your friend is chill, he gets it, think no more of it.

PlusOneThousand · 24/02/2025 22:06

heroinechic · 24/02/2025 21:27

IMO it's impolite to have snubbed her given they are in a 'significant' relationship. The only time it wouldn't be rude would be if no one had plus ones. It doesn't bode well for your friendship with her going forward (or him if they end up getting married!).

I suppose nobody does have plus ones though. Thinking about it, in every case where there’s a couple we are either friends with them both or have socialised with the partner on quite a few occasions. Everyone was a named guest, nobody was “plus one”.

OP posts:
OrangeYaGlad · 24/02/2025 21:45

Cynic17 · 24/02/2025 21:43

It's just good manners to invite someone's partner - it doesn't matter whether you've ever met them.

It absolutely does matter they have really made a point of refusing to meet you.

Cynic17 · 24/02/2025 21:43

It's just good manners to invite someone's partner - it doesn't matter whether you've ever met them.

Snowmanscarf · 24/02/2025 21:35

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 24/02/2025 21:32

It's in the OP that they don't live together. Just boyfriend and girlfriend.

Expecting to attend complete strangers wedding is really weird.

So you’ve never been to a wedding or other event, as a plus one before?

Fraaances · 24/02/2025 21:35

I’d assume that with her previous behaviour she has been looking for any excuse to resent you. I’d leave that hanging as his problem to deal with.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 24/02/2025 21:32

Snowmanscarf · 24/02/2025 17:27

i was expecting you to say they’d been together a couple of months, not two years! I think two years is a significant relationship (are they living together?) and warrants an invite.

It's in the OP that they don't live together. Just boyfriend and girlfriend.

Expecting to attend complete strangers wedding is really weird.

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