To not have invited my friend’s girlfriend to the wedding?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Weddings are tricky from a logistics and finance perspective; and people need to draw the line somewhere. This is perfectly fine etiquette wise and as you say, they are not married and do not live together. You have not met her.

It’s unfortunate if her feelings are hurt though, that’s difficult for her boyfriend who’s in the middle and likely for you and your fiancé too. If someone declines / drops out I would still extend an invitation as you said you would. It’s an offer of friendship and an offer to move on which she can either accept or not.

Whatever happens this should be a special day and I hope you can focus on that - congrats!

Why would OP give a monkey's about being a good host to someone who has actively avoided her for 2 years? This couple don't have kids together, they don't live together. Their relationship might last, it might not but at this stage she's effectively just a girlfriend. No one is obliged to ask every single guest's boyfriend or girlfriend to their wedding.

It is if you want to be a good host to your guests who are in a relationship. That's the end of the story really.

She's relevant when it's her wedding! No one is owed an invitation to someone else's wedding.

In any case OP has invited the girlfriend on numerous previous social occasions and she's always made an excuse or bailed so OP has stopped asking. Now it's a wedding and suddenly she's desperate to be invited having made no effort for the past 2 years. Nah, you're alright love, you can fuck right off.

Exactly this she seems like hard work! My BIL and SIL had a v small wedding too, only 8 people. I had been with my now husband around 6months and was moving in with him, but wasnt invited. It was an intimate wedding and I was a newish partner. If neither of them had met the GF it makes total sense.

OP isn't relevant to their relationship. What is relevant is ensuring partners of your friends' are invited to your social events. It's about OP's friend as an invitee.

Clearly not that much of a unit given the OP still hasn't met her. 😄

ugh thereof*

I think it's a little weird for her to be incensed about it, and for that information to have been passed on to you, but I'd have invited her. I'm in the US so maybe customs are different, but whether or not I've met her, I'd consider a guest and their partner of two years to be a social unit, rather than a +1. We did have a small wedding but we invited couples together regardless of our relationship or lack their of with our guests' significant others. We gave +1's to some single guests to bring a date for a few situations; single members of the bridal party as a courtesy or guests that were traveling and didn't know other people who'd been invited.

I think YABU. A couple is a social unit.

He probably met her friend before the friends wedding.

Someone is stirring the pot if it was not your friend that told you she was upset. If she CBA to meet you during the two years they’ve been dating then she doesn’t get to take a space away from someone you do want to share your wedding with.

I go to weddings by myself even if I get a plus one as my husband hates weddings and socialising so I say use it on someone else.

Her reaction is prob a reflection of how secure she feels in the relationship, and her beef with the bf. Why is he telling you she’s so cross, seems odd to me.

Someone very plain does feel intimidated by others who are clearly not remotely like them by the way. They feel they are being judged.

What are the others supposed to do about it, though? They don't know what's going on in this person's head. They're not responsible for how she feels.

For a good friend of 10 years, I would have definitely have invited their partner, If she declined, you'd have at least done the right thing for your good friend. All you've done now by being petty, because she hasn't met you as you feel she should have, is to burn a bridge you may end up regretting. There really was no reason not to invite her, other than a petty/judgemental one, but it's is what it is now.
There can be no pretense anymore so I'd be interested in the fallout after the wedding on the friendship. Your friend may indicate all is ok now but it isn't likely to stay that way afterwards 🤷‍♀️

Why do you keep saying plus one? She's not , you know her name.
I think you're happy with your decision, so just crack on and enjoy your day.

At best she isn't bothered about meeting you; at worst she actively avoids you (which is implied by her repeatedly dropping out at the last minute when the opportunity to meet you arises). So in effect she is just upset/cross to miss out on a wedding, it's nothing to do with meeting you. I would be giving this zero headspace @PlusOneThousand, of course you don't need to invite her!

FWIW one of my DDs is getting married this year. She is planning and paying for it all herself so she is also in charge of the guest list. Would she fuck be inviting someone she has never met and who has made it very clear isn't interested in meeting her. In this instance the length of time they had been together would be totally irrelevant because the girlfriend is not wanting any sort of friendship with the OP.

Will they be there with partners?

Yes. It is. What does her boyfriend think? Why didn’t he make more effort? He’s a bit of a wuss in this scenario really.

Someone very plain does feel intimidated by others who are clearly not remotely like them by the way. They feel they are being judged.

If friend feels comfortable attending all the social events without his partner for the last 2 years as she hasn’t wanted to go then why wouldn’t he be comfortable at the wedding?
If GF hasn’t wanted to meet the couple on a quiet night out why does she want to go meet their entire family and friends?
if this was just another night out she wouldn’t want to go.

Nah, that's balls, sorry. You can't claim to be uncomfortable around someone you've never met because they have false eyelashes and you don't. That's you being judgemental,not uncomfortable.

And even if that was true, if you have prejudged them to the point you have refused to meet them ten times, how can you possibly be upset at them not Inviting you to their wedding? You've already decided you don't like them and can't be around them, yet you expect to be part of a huge event in their lives? Ridiculous.

@OrangeYaGlad Because you have heard about them? You have been invited to a karaoke evening and you are utterly shy? You don’t spend money on clothes but the others have bling, lip fillers and false eyelashes? They drink like fishes and you don’t drink at all. Loads of reasons to think why you might not gel. Not saying this is the case here.

However I was very wary of meeting DHs university friends. They had degrees. I didn’t. They had great jobs, I didn’t. They had a long history of in jokes and stories about university, I didn’t. They had had group holidays before I met DH and I knew I was totally out of the loop. It felt daunting and it was. I didn’t have anything in common with any of them. 50 years on and we all get on well. I did see them eventually but it took some courage and DH wanted me to meet them. I guess the boyfriend in this case is ambivalent and should have brokered a suitable meeting. He’s not bothered about her and his other friends at all.