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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not reply to an invite?

30 replies

MummaOnThedge · 24/02/2025 15:28

I apologise if this is very long but I need to provide a bit of back story for everyone to understand. My dad left my mum and remarried when my sister and I were young. My stepmum already had 2 children and then they went on to have 2 more children. From what I can remember, it was a messy divorce. I just remember a lot of arguing between my mum and dad at the time.

We used to go round to see my dad every other weekend, as agreed in the divorce. However, from the get go my sister and I were often left out of things and we felt like we had missed out on so much whenever we would go over. My dad would pick my step siblings up from school and not wait to see us come out. They planned a massive family holiday abroad which we were almost left out of until my nan stepped in to pay for us.

In recent years, I have found out that they have a separate group chat without us in and we often see various days out put on social media that we haven't been invited to. Effort to get together is often one sided on our part. We both live about 45 minutes away from everyone else so it is usually us driving to them for Christmas and birthdays, none will drive to us.

In the last couple of years I've stopped putting in the effort to meet up because the one sided relationship was having an affect on my mental health. I have also cancelled plans last minute a couple of times due to this too, just for fear of being unwanted there.

So, one of my stepsiblings is having a baby. They now live up north with their partner and they invited us to a baby shower/drinks in a pub down south for the family and friends to attend. I assumed this was the only event they were holding. I of course went and took gifts which were well received. I went to my dads the weekend after as it was my daughters birthday and it is the only way they would have seen her for it. While I was there they were talking about another baby shower my stepsibling was having up north, showing me all the gifts they had bought them and talking about what they were going to wear etc.

At this point, I just went quiet and didn't say anything but I could see my dad looking at me from the corner of my eye. The next day we got an invitation to said baby shower, in 2 weeks time. Now I would like to know if AIBU if I don't reply because I feel insulted tbh? We would need to book a hotel and factor in a 4 hour drive each way if we were to go. Also, i just feel like we weren't wanted there otherwise we would have been invited along with everyone else. It's been a week and I haven't acknowledged it. The baby shower is next weekend. AIBU?

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 24/02/2025 15:46

Don’t be silly. Just reply.

Coffeeishot · 24/02/2025 15:45

Just reply thank you for thinking about us but we won't make it . Mention the one you were to wish her well and just leave it at that.

Gymmum82 · 24/02/2025 15:42

Just say sorry I can’t make it. I wouldn’t invite a sibling to a baby shower hours from where they live when they’d already been to a local one. My baby doesn’t matter that much to anyone else who isn’t me

VanessaShanessaJenkins99 · 24/02/2025 15:33

So they had an event down south that you went to but they are from up north and are having one up there too and you hadn't been invited to that one?

Doggymummar · 24/02/2025 15:30

Are you being unreasonable about what? It's too far, dint go but you should reply

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