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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for causal?

38 replies

Anniebellss · 24/02/2025 14:57

Am I being unreasonable/stupid to ask a guy if he fancies causal after he rejected me?

Don’t want to write a ridiculously long post so going to do bullet points.

• met a guy on OLD
• 2 dates, both of them good vibes, lots of laugh, good chats and kiss at the end of the second date
• lots of sexual tension and flirting with him suggesting to going back to his place

• conversation dried up
• I was up for more dates but he seemed reluctant so called him out on it and said it’s OK if he is not interested
• he came back saying that he appreciated my honesty/directness and he thinks I’m cool, chats were good but he is busy and doesn’t feel a spark
• all good, wished him well

I am thinking though that I could really benefit from a casual set up.

What are the thoughts on this?

pros:
• he expresses desire to take things further on those dates and we nearly did on the second one
• he seemed like a down to earth, genuine guy and not a twat
• I liked him but to be honest I wasn’t feeling the spark either. Definitely not for a long term relationship but I liked the flirting and the game and wanted to carry on with that.

cons:
• will I look desperate? But then who cares, if he says no or doesn’t respond… I am never going to see him again
• there are definitely more cons but I can’t think of anymore

Realistically the chances of him getting back to me are slim. Not sure what he is looking for, we never actually discussed. But I think if I shoot my shot at least I tried ?

TIA for any advice x

OP posts:
Roseshavethorns · 24/02/2025 15:08

You said there is no spark. So why would you?
I imagine there are plenty of opportunities for casual relationships rather than begging someone who has already told you that he is not interested.

Poppyseeds79 · 24/02/2025 15:08

Yes it's stupid... He doesn't fancy you!!!

Short of him painting it on a banner and hanging it outside your house, what are you looking for here OP? Stop flogging a dead horse.

Heronwatcher · 24/02/2025 15:06

But he says no spark, so how’s that going to work? It sounds like you might have felt a bit more attraction than he did. No shame in that but yes if you go back to him you will look desperate.

You’re overthinking this, find someone better.

BeaAndBen · 24/02/2025 15:06

Causal - I thought you were after a new medication from a GP and came on to find out what it did!

Casual? As in a shag? Nah, mate, get yourself a decent vibrator and sort yourself out.

PinkArt · 24/02/2025 15:06

This is your second thread about this man in as many days. There is nothing casual about that. As people said on the other thread, you told him it's fine if he's not interested and he told you he's not interested. Whatever it was or might have been is dead in the water.

Luciferthethird · 24/02/2025 15:04

Give it time, it might just end up happening naturally.
Even later down the line you might end up chatting and at that point you could mention a casual thing but if things have just ended I would give him some space.

TwistedWonder · 24/02/2025 15:04

Sorry OP but no no no.

This man has told you he’s not interested and you’re happy to say ‘that’s ok just shag me when you feel like it’ It reeks of desperation

If this was the other way round and he was asking you to be his fuck buddy after rejecting you, every response would be run a mile

528htz · 24/02/2025 15:04

Urgh, is this what passes for dating now? It sounds grim.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 24/02/2025 15:02

It’s a bit…sad, no? Yes, it’ll look desperate. He might agree, shag you and treat you disrespectfully, which I suspect you’d find quite depressing.

There’s plenty of men in the world who haven’t already rejected you. Perhaps have casual sex with one of them.

BishBashBoshClick · 24/02/2025 15:01

As long as you can handle the answer going either way, I don't see the harm in asking. However, I think a lot of us kid ourselves we can handle rejection a lot better than we think we can.

pinkyredrose · 24/02/2025 15:00

Leave him be, find a new fuck buddy.

TimeForTeaAndG · 24/02/2025 15:00

Nah. He will likely think you are trying to get him to eventually come round to a more serious thing.

Surely your profiles have what level of relationship you are seeking? Change yours to casual and find someone on the same page from the off.

Offleyhoo · 24/02/2025 14:59

I think that would be grim if he's rejected you and even you admit there was no spark.

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