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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lone parents with two children and parties

39 replies

UniqueMaker · 24/02/2025 14:18

I was wondering what's the etiquette with having a single parent with two children, no support and birthday parties?

In short I've just had a rant by another single mum because I said some parties the siblings aren't invited.

I personally don't think anyone has responsibility for anyone's lack of support and neither should they have to invite both siblings to a party, even if parent pays.

OP posts:
mummymummymummummum · 24/02/2025 14:32

There are so many options, not just for line parents, but for those whose partners work weekends etc.

  1. Drop invited child off, pick up at the end.
  2. Arrange for another parent to keep an eye on my invited child, I drop off and pick up.
  3. Arrange play date for sibling, do party with invited child. (Rare option!)
  4. Bring sibling, park them in front of tablet/homework and sit next to them (eg for parties in a hall).
  5. Pay for sibling to enter on own merit (eg soft play/trampoline park). Can be tricky if the party guests go to a party room, but generally another party parent is happy to keep an eye on invited child and message me if needed.

Sometimes party child’s parents invite sibling to join in/have some food, but certainly not expected, especially in pay to enter places. Your friend is BVU.

SatinHeart · 24/02/2025 14:32

We're in a military area so for DC classmates it's fairly common for one parent to be away and often grandparents etc aren't nearby.

No one is obliged to accommodate siblings at parties but that will inevitably lead to some parents declining the invite.

My thinking is that if you want a good turnout and for your DCs friends to attend, it's worth trying to squeeze the siblings in for the activity at least, but not the party tea or party bags. Especially if parent offers to pay e.g. soft play entry.

By about Year 2 parents are starting to drop and run anyway so less of an issue.

Original poster
UniqueMaker · 24/02/2025 14:31

mindutopia · 24/02/2025 14:30

I’ll be completely honest I’d have absolutely no idea who in my dc’s class had a parent who was a single parent unless someone raised the issue.

And just because someone is single doesn’t mean they don’t have a co-parent or other family around. One of my dc’s friends is a single mum and she has so much family help from both sets of grandparents that I’d say she has her children fewer days a week than everyone else does. She’s off most weekends in Glasgow or London or wherever at a gig to see some band. She’d have no trouble turning up to a party without one of the other 4 kids. Certainly more likely to be able to do it than Dh or I who have no family help. 😂

That said, sometimes it just can’t work to invite siblings but people can always ask and I’d always try to make it work if I was hosting.

Edited

Exactly.

She's got no support from her ex's family or her own family, but still, it's hard but that's life

OP posts:
Original poster
UniqueMaker · 24/02/2025 14:30

I did explain my sil had a party at a swimming pool and obviously set numbers, but mum still dropped off her two children, which is obviously very awkward.

But she didn't apologize for her rant so I just slipped out

OP posts:
mindutopia · 24/02/2025 14:30

I’ll be completely honest I’d have absolutely no idea who in my dc’s class had a parent who was a single parent unless someone raised the issue.

And just because someone is single doesn’t mean they don’t have a co-parent or other family around. One of my dc’s friends is a single mum and she has so much family help from both sets of grandparents that I’d say she has her children fewer days a week than everyone else does. She’s off most weekends in Glasgow or London or wherever at a gig to see some band. She’d have no trouble turning up to a party without one of the other 4 kids. Certainly more likely to be able to do it than Dh or I who have no family help. 😂

That said, sometimes it just can’t work to invite siblings but people can always ask and I’d always try to make it work if I was hosting.

Original poster
UniqueMaker · 24/02/2025 14:29

I don't know.

The situation is that we were talking about parties in a group chat for single parents and I made a comment about siblings, which one other person mean siblings of the birthday child's and she took it to mean invited siblings and that I'm somehow excluding them.

Apparently I should be "more understanding" as I'm a single mum.

Was a right rant and I've unjoined

OP posts:
Crazykefir · 24/02/2025 14:26

She sounds bonkers.

Original poster
UniqueMaker · 24/02/2025 14:26

Bakedpotatoes · 24/02/2025 14:23

I've always messaged the parent saying they would love to come, explained my circumstances, saying I can leave them there or I can pay for my other child if you'd like me to stay. Otherwise happy to decline if neither can be accommodated.

Yes I don't know why my single mum ex friend thought that to mean that I thought only one child and one parent. She's acting as if she's the only one who is a single mum and that other families don't have other commitments, even in dual parents

OP posts:
Original poster
UniqueMaker · 24/02/2025 14:25

KilkennyCats · 24/02/2025 14:21

Are the parties drop off?
Zero reason for entire families to look on it as a day out.

Guess not.
I don't know just had a rant directed at me by a fellow single mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
UniqueMaker · 24/02/2025 14:24

Crazykefir · 24/02/2025 14:20

If you expect the parent to stay then then they have to bring the other kids?

Yep.

Is there really a time when a party is booked and only one parent is allowed without other children?

OP posts:
Bakedpotatoes · 24/02/2025 14:23

I've always messaged the parent saying they would love to come, explained my circumstances, saying I can leave them there or I can pay for my other child if you'd like me to stay. Otherwise happy to decline if neither can be accommodated.

Londonrach1 · 24/02/2025 14:23

Of course the sibling doesn't come unless invited. That's rude. If the parent has to stay parent occupies. The sibling. Otherwise parent drops child at party and leaves.

KilkennyCats · 24/02/2025 14:21

Are the parties drop off?
Zero reason for entire families to look on it as a day out.

Crazykefir · 24/02/2025 14:20

If you expect the parent to stay then then they have to bring the other kids?

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