Family holiday

My holiday to Greece this year has come in at around 4k, 10 nights, 5 star all inclusive for 2 adults and a child, I'm taking DD out of school for 3 days before they break up for the 6 week holidays as it would cost an extra 2k to do it fully during the holiday. They were some cheaper places so I think you could probs do for around 3k but it's a lot to pay for a holiday you haven't planned. I would just be honest and say here is your budget and you can't go over it. Agree with other comments that a villa would be cheaper but it depends how we'll you all get on

I don't understand the problem. "Sorry mum, we can't afford it", and that's it, isn't it? What's she going to do, hold a gun to your head while you book and pay for it? Why this anguish about how to spend your own money and free time?

How can she just say that you are coming? What if you can't afford it? What if you don't like the holiday destination? She sounds very controlling. If she was offering to pay, it would be different but demanding that people spend a lot of money on a holiday that they didn't choose is ridiculous.

my mum is adamant it's happening

Tell her it's not.

I’m slightly baffled at so many people saying the mum is being unreasonable for saying a holiday for a group of school-aged children has to happen in the school holidays. Seems that she’s the only person prioritising their education!

However, if you can’t afford it you can afford it.

She can't make you get on the plane and nor should you feel that she can blackmail or bully you into going. If it doesn't work for you, tough. She should not be dictating your holiday-do you even want to go there? Can all the adults who work get the time off?

My vision of hell is going on holiday with my partner, my parents, my brother and his kids, and my sister and her kids.

Worse would be going with my in-laws.

Shoot me now...

No, you don't have to go.

A group holiday needs to work for everyone.
Your mum's planned holiday is factoring in destination she wants to go to, flights reasonable length for travelling with kids, taking place in school holidays for those with kids. But she has missed out on it being within everyone's budget.

Do you want to go on a big holiday with them all? If so, then you can explain the one your mum has chosen is out of your budget and make some other suggestions that are cheaper but still fit the dates, flight times etc for all involved. Or if there is a cheaper way for you to get there/cheaper place for you to stay/you can cut costs by going for a shorter time period.

If you'd rather spend your holiday budget and leave with your immediate family in your chosen location at time of your choosing then you just need to say that. Sorry guys, looks amazing but we have limited budget and annual leave and have already committed to go here instead. Hope you have a wonderful time and look forward to seeing the photos.

Your Mum is being completely unreasonable to make all the decisions about the holiday herself and expect everyone else to do what she wants plus pay for it themselves.

I would just say "Sorry, we would have loved to come but that would cost much more than we've budgeted for a holiday this year." If they then label you as being "difficult" it can’t be helped. (You could ask her whether she and your father would have liked her mother choosing their family holiday without any input from them, and expecting them to pay more than they were comfortable paying for it.)

However… Mum is probably being a good grandparent who doesn’t want to be responsible for her grandchildren being taken out of school to go on holiday, and assumes that her children feel the same way. Until the past few years this was the normal attitude of every responsible parent.

Just respond saying you won’t be able to join them this time, but hope they have a great holiday.

Don’t be pushed for more explanation.

Well I can see why you mum wants school time - if you can't afford it just say so - " sorry would love to go but can't afford it "

Quite apart from the cost of this type of holiday, I wouldn't fancy it. I imagine your mum would want to dictate what you all do each day, too. Nightmare.

So.....? let them think what they like. If they really think that, then they're not worth going with surely? We can't change what other people think so why bother.

Just say no thanks, we can't afford that. She can't force you to pay or attend.

Why are you being bullied into this OP.

You are aware you will look like the villain of the piece of you bug out of this so you have knowledge of this so that's a start but why let that bother you.

If I was being expected to lash out 4k on something I could take or leave and would probably prefer to leave, I wouldn't give a rats ass what people thought of me.

Just going with the flow on stuff like this, allows them to keep treating you this way.

Dig in. Say no. Accept they are going to be assholes about it but you have your 4k plus fee still in your bank = win.

This will become an annual occurrence if you're not careful.

It’s not being difficult to say that you can’t afford that - it’s a lot of money. The fact that you are seen as the difficult one is a separate issue and yielding to the current dates and paying £4k isn’t going to make them see you as less difficult if you are already seen as such within the family. It’s pretty clear that your Mum is being difficult here and you have to weigh up if you want to pay £4k for a bit of peace on this topic but I would ask, if you do pay, what will the next issue be?

I'm often made out to be the difficult one as tend to focus on what works for us as opposed to bending constantly... but it's always made out we're doing something to be difficult.

Then you are doing your job well for your own little family unit!

You get tagged with the label anyway may as well embrace it and do what you want. Parents are not the bosses of adult children.

You are in charge of your finances and budget. Not her.

But your Mum and some of the family are being difficult.

I'd just go with that definition.

Joining someone else's holiday, whether they are paying or not, but especially if they've chosen something over your budget, is purely voluntary.

No one can just say "You're coming, suck it up."

Offer a UK weekend for a get together instead.

In such a bossy family who are always complaining about people being "difficult" if they don't follow orders - sounds like a very stressful way to spend your prescious holiday time with your own family unit.
'

My in-laws just took us on holiday with an inheritance. We live overseas and they always wanted to travel with us so they made it happen. My mother in law actually gave me the rough time of year and a budget and left me to plan everything to suit us, school schedule, etc.

We ended up paying for some of the dinners and the car rental - plus a wine tasting surprise evening - as we are grownups and want to contribute but they had no expectation we would and paid for everything else.

No one can tell me how to spend my holiday time or money so if you don't want to, just say no thank you. If you're feeling particularly kind you could price up something you would consider doing instead and ask if they want to come along (paying for themselves of course!)

Parents that I have known who've organised a family holiday have paid for it. I realise not everyone can afford to do that in which case they should only suggest going away together, not insist.

I'd wait and let someone else be the first to speak up then, if you often get pegged as the 'difficult' ones.

This.

The etiquette is, if you're paying you stipulate the details. If you aren't, you don't.

If you ask her if she's paying for everyone and she says, of course not, I can't afford it, then you can say "neither can we."

There is no point paying an absolute fortune to go away in school holidays when you don't have to, not to mention everything is more crowded and stressful.

I can go on 3 luxury holidays outside of school times for the price of one standard budget school holiday one.

Go back and say that you have a holiday budget and it is £x. When your DM says that it isn't enough for her dream holiday say" but that's what the budget is.... come with us and cut your cloth or go without us and spend what you like. "

FOAD means ‘F*ck Off And Die’ - abusive if you tell someone to FOAD, but also means ‘the dogs bollocks’ or superlative in other contexts. Sorry, should have been clearer.

[in our case it had an enormous heated pool, sundecks, 7 beds all en suite, lux kitchen etc… so, um, seriously luxurious so you’d happily FO and D there!!]