My father used to drive for a living & my mum spent all our money as a child on getting her first & replacement car - it was a huge priority for her with young kids
I was at high school with older brothers. So in theory would have had exposure to them getting there licences/learning to drive
In reality my parents split. We were poor. The car was hers because of how difficult we were & how much it cost ect. (& She couldn't really drive it well so we would be slowly ferried around in silence rather then being taken out conveniently)
My mother refused to teach/help her eldest to drive because she didn't want him using her car + he had to do the written test & buy the study book himself because it was "affordable" now he was working & my other brother lived & worked via family as a teen so money was allocated for him from her & he had access to her car so the fights about lifts didnt restart a year later + he ultimately got his first car around his birthday so it made sense to gift him his registration fee money
I was left to get on with it failed a few times & never got it in the end
----
she 100% admits this was wrong in big part due to the obvious advantages the middle child had - you can really see the difference - she has no relationship with her eldest for a multitude of reason but obviously no good will from this at all & clearly I can't drive myself so we've had issues about that over the years (why I don't have "the desire to want to learn") + shes anxious what would happen if she needed help or support as I wouldn't be available for that sort of thing now she's older & used to driving
-----
Fast forward 20+ years the kids (grandkids) are now reaching that age but middle child's son will hit it alot earlier - I "know" this is what she wants to do/gift him - his parents are struggling financially right now so it would effectively be a gift for all of them
But she has asked me what I want to contribute gift wise (£50) & refused to say what it's for as she "doesn't know if I'll agree" (which is why I think it's driving related as there was a joke recently about him learning to drive before me & I said "his parents will probably prioritise teaching him/finance him a car" which reminded her of how badly she fucked that up
she also has uneven contact with her grandkids so while would do it for all of them in theory would deffo right now just benefit the oldest who coincidentally comes from a family who's parents both drive/have cars & grandparents all drive & have cars from a similar age
So is this worth supporting or just bail out altogether