What's a "normal" relationship between adult daughter and mother?

My DD lives with her partner 300 miles away. We have a family WhatsApp and a WhatsApp between her and me.

We post whenever we have something to say. She often asks to call and we natter for hours. But nothing is prescribed. We could go days without contact. I'd think it's unlikely we'd go a week without something cropping up though.

The real proof I did something right was when she told me that her partners Mum had said she can talk to her at any time as they live close by - she thanked her but said to me "it's OK that roles taken. I can ring you anytime."

My mum is late 80’s, speak daily and see her about 3 times a week, she isn’t frail and is independent but I like to see her.

My DD is 31 we are very close, we have always spoken daily and see each other at least once a week. She had a baby 6 months ago so we are even closer now. She also is very close to her grandma and speaks to her at least 4 times a week.

My mother is no longer living, but we had a difficult relationship. I would see her once or twice a year and speak to her on the maybe phone twice a month.

My dd is in her 20s, lives about an hour away. We have a warm and open relationship, very different to how my mum was with me. We see each other about twice a month and text every few days. TBH I would see her more often, but I'm glad she has a busy happy life.

My father left when I was 12 and my mum raised us single handedly as he was useless. Her family were all 100s of miles away so little support there either. I was a shocking teenager. Utterly foul. We fought daily and I couldn’t wait to leave home.

DH and I, plus our 4 DC now live 5 minutes round the corner from her and my amazing step father. I talk to her at least once a day and see her loads. She’s brilliant. Now that I have teens I frequently wail at her about how hard they are and how awful I was to her. I feel so guilty! She just got on with it with little money and no support. I would do anything for my Mum. We are very similar personalities and have the same sense of humour. We enjoy each other’s company. I am INCREDIBLY lucky and I remind myself of this every day. She’s a wonderful grandmother to my DC plus a very useful one as she’s a retired teacher who happily does a bit of tutoring with them. Win win!

I'm very close with my mum. I speak to her on and off all day. I see her every weds&Thurs and she will come to us once a week as well. We pop out together and go for meals/theatre trips etc.

She has a chronic illness and her MH is up and down. I do worry from time to time and probably more than I should.

When my nan was alive their relationship was the same and once I was an adult I was the 3rd person in that relationship. So it's all I've known.
However I wouldn't say this is normal. I'd say I'm very lucky because I rarely meet someone who has such a good relationship.

My mum is one of my closest friends. We lost my dad when me and DB were young teenagers and it really brought us together as a family unit.

She relocated to live near me and DH when we had children, and does one day of childcare a week for us (plus extras if we want to go out at the weekend/evenings).

We also do things alone together all the time - gym, tea, dog walks etc. and chat everyday on WhatsApp. She also does the same with my DB even though he lives in a different city, she goes to stay with him regularly and he comes here too.

It’s lovely. I’m so lucky and grateful. And my children are fortunate to have such a great model or parent-child relationships.

Mine certainly isn't. I've gone NC with her as she's a toxic cow. Following with interest!

I wish so much I'd had a different mother. Mine allowed her husband to abuse her children and left me homeless as a 16 year old. For many years I tried to build a new relationship with her but she has no remorse for what she did so I ceased contact with her before my children were born.

It makes me so sad when I see the close relationships others have with their mothers but I know I'm grieving for the mother I wish I'd had, not for her, because she can never be that person.

My DPs live about an hours drive away. They are elderly and not in great health now so I see her/them once every 2-3 weeks and phone weekly, with the occasional text in between.

When they were well we saw each other less frequently, she looked after DS when he was a baby one day a fortnight, which was amazing.

We have a perfectly cordial relationship but we aren't one of these families who are constantly texting and phoning each other, never have been.

Sadly my mum died at age 50 when I was in my 20s. I miss her every day.

We were extremely close especially as she was severely physically disabled and I'd grown up caring for her. She was intelligent, kind, funny and never wallowed in self-pity despite having an extremely difficult life.

My mother and I live very close to each other, but in the first three weeks, we were in a cold war. Neither of us was willing to give in, so we contacted less and less.

I think you need to be asking what a healthy relationship is like, not a normal one. Healthy means you can be in contact without dreading it, or needing to recover from it. Healthy means you both offer some support to the other, without becoming codependent. Healthy means you can be happy for each other, or sympathetise with each other. Healthy means you can be honest without being brutal. Healthy means you make each others lives better, not worse.

I have a shallow relationship with mine.

I've got over it now.

They did many great things but there is no, & never was, emotional connection

They have always been selfish. Sadly my M&D are now 1 in my head. But for years I had a relationship with my dad but not with my mum as she was a witch. Was it peri.... maybe. Or perhaps she was having some kind of melt down over n over again.

I'm 50 ish now. Too much water under the bridge. I am not going to work on it now.

I live locally to my mum, so we speak fairly often. See each other maybe every 10-14 days, but call each other maybe twice a week and we message probably daily on WhatsApp.

In terms of doing things together, we share a crafting hobby so send pictures and sometimes do it together. We also like to go on trips to local places of interest sometimes if work schedules allow, which might include my sister, and likely my dad and my DD and DH.

Tbh I have in the past worried about affecting her mental health. She can be easily upset by some things, but it's not an issue that comes up often.

If your relationship with your mum has been difficult, think about what you want out of it. You don't have to fit the 'typical' mould. X

A normal relationship with my mother? I haven't a clue what that would look like, I wish I did. I really wish I could have an easy, comfortable, happy relationship with her. Unfortunately I have to be low contact for my own sanity, and I can't tell you how much I wish it didn't have to be that way.

They will be a million different answers to this question.

I talk or message my Mum most days and I visit regularly. She also visits me a lot. She is amazing. She is extremely warm and loving and she is also funny. She has never said anything negative or unkind to me. I feel lucky.
My adult kids are also very close to her and arrange meet ups at her house even though they have to travel half way across the country.

I don't know, mines dead now. What I have done with my own DD since they were teenagers is pause, think what my own mother would have done in the situation and do the opposite. They are now well rounded, happy 29 and 30 years olds so I'd like to think it's worked.
Around 15 years ago when the penny dropped with me that I wasn't actually the abject failure and disappointment she had always made me felt I was, that I had plenty of friends whereas she'd fallen out with everyone including her own sisters I began to re-evaluate everything and started observing other mother daughter relationships as much as I could and asking questions to my "normal" friends about their family relationships. Unsurprisingly they were very different from my own experiences.
My mum knew something had changed in me. She was getting older and frailer by then and of course needed/expected me to step up. Like I was a possession rather than a person. I was able to be objective about it and have just learnt to accept it is what it is and do my damndest for history not to repeat itself. Things aren't always as they seem to everyone else.

My mum and I are super close, I call her everyday to chat and see her when I can. I don’t worry about her no, but I love chatting to her as she’s someone I truly like and find great fun :)

Awful, NC.

I live in s different country to DM. I speak to her everyday and WhatsApp several times s day. I fly over to see her a couple of times a month. She spent 6 weeks in hospital recently, so I want to see her more. I am planning on moving back to live close to her.