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Original poster

Modern life is rubbish?

237 replies

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:20

I’m not been immune to this myself, so not pointing fingers. I just keep seeing the same things on here again and again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that Blur were on to something.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids, but we couldn’t save up for them, or afford them, so we took out leases on them. In the good old days of low interest rates we bought bigger houses, and took out loans for extensions and spent the rest on a family holiday.

Now we have expensive lifestyles but less disposable income. We’re tied into paying off loans that seemed manageable 5 years ago, paying £100s for cars that just don’t seem to do it for us anymore as almost every other person has one anyway. But mostly we’re knackered from trying to manage it all.

Lots of us seem to dream of getting rid of 50% of our things, eating the same simple meals every week, saving slowly for house improvements and living with ‘okay’, and getting off the treadmill, or at least slowing it down. If modern life made us all happy, I could maybe accept it’s all fine, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting.

So is modern life rubbish, or have I messed up somewhere?

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 23/02/2025 22:01

Life is what you make it.

You don't have to buy all the consumerist crap that is targeted at us. Switch off mindless shopping.

I've never owned a car living in London and I've been perfectly happy.

We have choices.

Waffle19 · 23/02/2025 22:00

I think it’s you. We both work - because I want to work. Could never have been a stay at home mum like many were back in the day.

we have money for the things we want to do, but we budget well and don’t flash the cash on unnecessary items. I.E expensive clothes. Holidays we self cater. I spend £10 a month on my phone. But we set aside money for the things we do appreciate and enjoy (which may seem a waste to others).

Original poster
MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:58

bridgetreilly · 23/02/2025 21:47

Well, what’s great about modern life is that you don’t have to choose any of that. Buy cars you can afford and drive them until you can afford their replacement. Live in a smaller house. Send your kids to the nearest school not the ‘best school’, whatever that is. Wear things you like, not things that are fashionable, and wear them for years. Save for holidays and choose what you can comfortably afford, even if it’s camping. Choose not to upgrade your phone or computer, choose not to have paid TV services, choose to spend money on things you actually love.

Don’t let anyone tell you the sort of life you ought to want. Choose the life you do want and make your budget accordingly.

In many ways you’re describing my life, but I was lucky enough to grow up with parents who lived very much within their means and gave me lots of financial advice like save up for big spending / stress test your mortgage repayments / don’t borrow money for anything except a house etc. But lots of people don’t have that, and society doesn’t encourage this sort of living. So there are millions of people who are under enormous societal pressure to live modern life, and that seems completely rubbish a lot of the time.

OP posts:
custardpyjamas · 23/02/2025 21:57

Just don't spend money you can't afford to spend. We have endless options, but you don't just take them all up if they are too expensive, don't be seduced by the consumer illusion that you can have everything.

Modern life is great for most people compared to Victorian or post war or any other era I can think of, enjoy it but don't over indulge.

StrawDonkey · 23/02/2025 21:52

These thoughts obviously reflect the people that you know but personally I can’t say that I’ve ever felt the need to get the best car that I can afford. I’ve got an old car and I don’t mind getting the bus or train either. It’s a choice, I would never get into debt over a car!?

Patterncarmen · 23/02/2025 21:51

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:48

This is vey interesting!

Show quote history

It is. People buy things sometimes to fill an emotional void. I mean you get the dopamine hit from the purchase, but it fades fast. Maybe if you live in a loving family, have friends, and are happy with the little things in life, I don’t think consumerism may have as much interest.

gettingthehangofsewing · 23/02/2025 21:49

I agree op. 25/30 years ago house was cheep, tax credits/childcare came in to support two income families. It seemed great and I said at the time cost of living is going to go through the roof. The things that were sold are choices back then are now necessity or unobtainable for a lot of people.

Original poster
MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:48

Mrsdyna · 23/02/2025 21:44

Well I think we chase those things because we are fundamentally living in ways that have made us maladaptive. We are like zoo animals. We are meant to live in groups of people, together.

Edited

This is vey interesting!

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 23/02/2025 21:47

Well, what’s great about modern life is that you don’t have to choose any of that. Buy cars you can afford and drive them until you can afford their replacement. Live in a smaller house. Send your kids to the nearest school not the ‘best school’, whatever that is. Wear things you like, not things that are fashionable, and wear them for years. Save for holidays and choose what you can comfortably afford, even if it’s camping. Choose not to upgrade your phone or computer, choose not to have paid TV services, choose to spend money on things you actually love.

Don’t let anyone tell you the sort of life you ought to want. Choose the life you do want and make your budget accordingly.

Original poster
MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:46

Barney16 · 23/02/2025 21:40

Circumstances have forced me to live in a very similar way to I did when I was young, which was admittedly a very long time ago. One family car, all means cooked from scratch, going out for a meal a special treat, minimal spend on stuff. I have to say it's very restful and I love (loved) spending money and never lived within my means really. I completely get the pressure you feel.

I love hearing stories like this!

As I said, I’m not pointing fingers, as we have 2 cars and busier lives than we’d ideally want, but we have no debt and don’t have expensive things (except for 4 children!).

It’s more my reflections on modern life in general. It seems hard for people to navigate - and doesn’t often lead to them living their best lives.

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 23/02/2025 21:46

Personally I’ve never felt the need to keep up with what other people are doing, or felt pressure to conform to a particular lifestyle. So we have only one income, only one car, and a mortgage we can easily afford. I’ve always prioritised being here for my kids rather than spending all my time earning a second salary in order to buy SUVs, branded clothes and all inclusive Caribbean holidays. Nothing wrong with that if it’s what you want and brings you joy, but if it’s making you unhappy then it’s time to reassess.

Suzzz1988 · 23/02/2025 21:45

I completely get this, I’m mid thirties, we bought our first house mid twenties, house prices hadn’t shot up yet and mortgage rates were ok. We bought our family forever home in 2021, with a mortgage rate of 1.59% this rose to 4.79% last year…! We can afford it but it’s a lot tighter.

There is a pressure these days to have a certain lifestyle, I think this certain lifestyle makes you feel like you like you are achieving, you are doing life but yes I think maybe it comes down to social media, social circles? Most of my friends have nice homes, nice cars but are also in a sh*t load of debt and it’s openly talked about. They can afford to repay the debts but it is a lot of debt. We don’t have any debts but I would say we live beyond our means because we are living pay cheque to pay cheque. I love the idea of living a simple life but it is hard, I wouldn’t want to compromise by moving home now but maybe in the future. I think a lot of people in my age bracket will be caught up in the cheaper lending initially and now everything is much more expensive. I live on a new build estate where the average home is around £400k and most people here are young families. I am noticing a lot of houses going up for sale this year and I do wonder if it is where things were once affordable, they are not not or becoming less affordable…!

LoztWorld · 23/02/2025 21:45

Big mortgages are the killer. If you are lucky enough to live in a cheap but decent area and can content yourself with a flat, you and DP can both work part time and still have a good standard of life. Depends on priorities though - wouldn’t satisfy everyone.

Patterncarmen · 23/02/2025 21:44

missmollygreen · 23/02/2025 21:32

We are conditioned to want more and more in this consumer society. People chase higher wages to pay larger mortgages and finance newer cars.
It's sad really

Yes. I think because I was a postgraduate student and impoverished academic for so long, I got used to a frugal lifestyle and didn’t have a lot of time for social media. Then when we started accumulating money, I was in the habit of not spending it. I saw what was involved in going into university administration, and even had an offer, and it just would have taken me further from teaching and research, the hours were insane, and the money did not seem worth it. I also learned the peace of mind from not having debt is incredible.

But I was definitely a minority among my peers…I suspect they thought I was very weird when we bought a fixer upper, did the work ourselves, or we bought cars second-hand, etc. People are conditioned to be consumers for sure, and sometimes it is to their peril.

Titasaducksarse · 23/02/2025 21:44

I live in a mortgage free £300k small home.
I could theoretically afford to buy a £650k larger home but then have a mortgage on top but a 'wow look at my house ' home.

What's the point. I don't feel societal pressure. Instead I'm riding the COL crisis fine, I don't worry if I lose my job as don't have big mortgage to pay and Instead spend money on travel.

I do sometimes say to partner that I'm not in the home I imagined I'd have but so what.

Mrsdyna · 23/02/2025 21:44

Well I think we chase those things because we are fundamentally living in ways that have made us maladaptive. We are like zoo animals. We are meant to live in groups of people, together.

OrangeCushioning · 23/02/2025 21:43

I think the key is to think clearly about what your priorities are, so that you are taking reasoned decisions about the life you want. In a consumerist society where there is huge pressure to keep buying, it’s all too easy to just be reactive and thoughtlessly pursue a load of goals that aren’t actually your goals at all, just what you’ve been told to want by social pressures and advertising.

But I also think things are harder now. Housing costs are at the root of it.

Original poster
MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:41

MidnightPatrol · 23/02/2025 21:38

I think you’re assuming women working was just about people wanting more stuff. A bigger house. Another car.

But I actually think women working was really about their financial independence, ability to make choices, ability to be independent from men.

We already seem to be forgetting about how subjugated many women were… despite women from that era still being alive.

It’s a massive issue that housing is so expensive. That’s more the issue of banks lending more money and the government not ensuring building kept up with population growth though.

Even if we all lived very simple lives, both parents need their own financial independence to have any kind of equality.

I agree with some of this, but it would have been great if this had led us all to working 3 days a week, instead of everyone working 5. Interestingly, my friends who are 15 years younger are looking at doing just that - creating a much better work life balance for themselves.

OP posts:
Barney16 · 23/02/2025 21:40

Circumstances have forced me to live in a very similar way to I did when I was young, which was admittedly a very long time ago. One family car, all means cooked from scratch, going out for a meal a special treat, minimal spend on stuff. I have to say it's very restful and I love (loved) spending money and never lived within my means really. I completely get the pressure you feel.

Mum2jenny · 23/02/2025 21:39

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:33

I wonder if the clue is in your ‘kids now adults’ bit, as you got in before a lot of this stuff started biting?

Show quote history

My kids are both doing ok with their kids, but it’s all about perceived ideals. Life is just slightly different for each generation!

Original poster
MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:38

missmollygreen · 23/02/2025 21:32

We are conditioned to want more and more in this consumer society. People chase higher wages to pay larger mortgages and finance newer cars.
It's sad really

This is the sort of thing I’m thinking about. How society is set up to almost make people fail, and feel dissatisfied.

Lots of CofL threads on here talk about paying off debt - mainly accrued in the days of cheap credit. It’s like they’ve been sold down the river as now when things are more expensive, they are paying off debt from years ago.

OP posts:
SerenityNowSerenityNow · 23/02/2025 21:38

I guess, but I think there seems to be more pressure these days to keep up with others. Is that a social media thing, maybe?

Ignore that pressure 🤷🏼‍♀️
Live your own life.

pizzaHeart · 23/02/2025 21:38

Mum2jenny · 23/02/2025 21:31

We never bothered about keeping up with others. That’s a hole you need to avoid.

This ^

MidnightPatrol · 23/02/2025 21:38

I think you’re assuming women working was just about people wanting more stuff. A bigger house. Another car.

But I actually think women working was really about their financial independence, ability to make choices, ability to be independent from men.

We already seem to be forgetting about how subjugated many women were… despite women from that era still being alive.

It’s a massive issue that housing is so expensive. That’s more the issue of banks lending more money and the government not ensuring building kept up with population growth though.

Even if we all lived very simple lives, both parents need their own financial independence to have any kind of equality.

Gogogo12345 · 23/02/2025 21:37

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:28

I guess, but I think there seems to be more pressure these days to keep up with others. Is that a social media thing, maybe?

I think on a societal level it used to be more common to live within your means, partly through lack of available credit, but now it’s encouraged by society and the capitalist system to take credit at almost every opportunity.

Show quote history

I don't understand why people need so much tbh. I have a 2 bed place with the mortgage paid off ( I was 49 then) I could've bought bigger and better but decided not to. Same as car. I have a small 16 plate Vauxhall that runs fine. No need to take out loans or leases

I'm glad now I didn't " keep up with the Joneses" as I have minimal expenses and can afford to travel 2 or 3 months of the year