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Original poster

Modern life is rubbish?

237 replies

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:20

I’m not been immune to this myself, so not pointing fingers. I just keep seeing the same things on here again and again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that Blur were on to something.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids, but we couldn’t save up for them, or afford them, so we took out leases on them. In the good old days of low interest rates we bought bigger houses, and took out loans for extensions and spent the rest on a family holiday.

Now we have expensive lifestyles but less disposable income. We’re tied into paying off loans that seemed manageable 5 years ago, paying £100s for cars that just don’t seem to do it for us anymore as almost every other person has one anyway. But mostly we’re knackered from trying to manage it all.

Lots of us seem to dream of getting rid of 50% of our things, eating the same simple meals every week, saving slowly for house improvements and living with ‘okay’, and getting off the treadmill, or at least slowing it down. If modern life made us all happy, I could maybe accept it’s all fine, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting.

So is modern life rubbish, or have I messed up somewhere?

OP posts:
Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 23/02/2025 23:07

Bigger houses are also bought as investments for some people

Bigger houses also for adult children at home for longer allow more work space etc.

trainermush · 23/02/2025 23:07

I think modern life can be pretty stressful & unhealthy.

RosesAndHellebores · 23/02/2025 23:05

I recall my parents rolling their eyes in the 60s about people who were clearly keeping up with the Jones's.

I think the phrase is all fur coat and no knickers.

The thing is when I see a nice, shiny new SUV, and then see and hear the people jumping out of it, I can guess it's leased.

Tabbsi · 23/02/2025 23:05

YANBU and I agree with what you’re saying, however I don’t think there’s any point in leasing out cars and making life more difficult for yourself with all these monthly payments to keep up with others. As you say, everyone has a new car now and I always assume they’re owned by someone who pays them off monthly. I drive a beaten up 12 year old car that is worthless and I paid cash for, there’s no need for a fancy car!

LillyPJ · 23/02/2025 23:05

TheaBrandt1 · 23/02/2025 22:56

Hmm. Lots of frugal living back slapping on this thread. We had one basic car and finally upgraded. My god our new car is lovely! Really improved my quality of life daily wish had done it sooner.

I think you've mistaken frugal living for deprivation. If I wanted a better car or was dissatisfied with something, I'd spend money on a better one. But I wouldn't buy one just because 'everyone else' has one, nor would I go into debt for one.

Charlize43 · 23/02/2025 23:04

DragonScreeches · 23/02/2025 22:57

Oh, for goodness sake. The majority of people in the UK will never earn six figures, no matter how hard they work. Is this a stealth boast?

Show quote history

I love the 'We just don't do materialistic' line. So do they give all that money away to charity - Cats Protection?

Original poster
MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 23:02

Yogaandchocolate · 23/02/2025 22:59

What I think is sad is that when my parents were young they thought that by now we’d be working 2-3 days a week and robots/automation would cover the rest. Sadly it didn’t work out like that!

yes! I remember saying this in geography lessons 30 years ago!

OP posts:
PrimitivePerson · 23/02/2025 22:59

DragonScreeches · 23/02/2025 22:57

Oh, for goodness sake. The majority of people in the UK will never earn six figures, no matter how hard they work. Is this a stealth boast?

Show quote history

Of course it is.

Yogaandchocolate · 23/02/2025 22:59

What I think is sad is that when my parents were young they thought that by now we’d be working 2-3 days a week and robots/automation would cover the rest. Sadly it didn’t work out like that!

PrimitivePerson · 23/02/2025 22:59

TheaBrandt1 · 23/02/2025 22:56

Hmm. Lots of frugal living back slapping on this thread. We had one basic car and finally upgraded. My god our new car is lovely! Really improved my quality of life daily wish had done it sooner.

But how much is it costing you? And does it really make much difference? A new fancy car costing me hundreds a month would make no actual real difference to my life. Seriously, it absolutely wouldn't.

DragonScreeches · 23/02/2025 22:57

isthatmyage · 23/02/2025 22:53

Absolutely this...we both earn 6 figures...girls went through private school...both drive 6+ years old cars. We just don't to materialistic....seafront house mortgage free...but live pretty frugally. One has a degree from major uni, one worked from 18 then degree later on, but have both always worked, full time (apart from maternity leave), it's tough but get on with it. Younger generation just can't be arsed..'oh it's so hard...mwah' jeez .....

Show quote history

Oh, for goodness sake. The majority of people in the UK will never earn six figures, no matter how hard they work. Is this a stealth boast?

rivalsbinge · 23/02/2025 22:56

Delete social media. Problem solved.

I know what you mean OP and I've been sucked into this but we have downsized in our 40s cleared out and paired back so we can save for our pensions.

Still feels a bit hamster wheel like as we have to work but on a different scale and I can see a bit further ahead now. In terms of incomes and future.

When you are in the thick of it it's so hard to step back and make a big change but downsizing is possible for most people.

TheaBrandt1 · 23/02/2025 22:56

Hmm. Lots of frugal living back slapping on this thread. We had one basic car and finally upgraded. My god our new car is lovely! Really improved my quality of life daily wish had done it sooner.

isthatmyage · 23/02/2025 22:53

Mum2jenny · 23/02/2025 21:31

We never bothered about keeping up with others. That’s a hole you need to avoid.

Absolutely this...we both earn 6 figures...girls went through private school...both drive 6+ years old cars. We just don't to materialistic....seafront house mortgage free...but live pretty frugally. One has a degree from major uni, one worked from 18 then degree later on, but have both always worked, full time (apart from maternity leave), it's tough but get on with it. Younger generation just can't be arsed..'oh it's so hard...mwah' jeez .....

DragonScreeches · 23/02/2025 22:53

The same thing happened in the 80s. Massive housing bubble. Easy access to finance, people taking 2nd and 3rd loans on their homes to buy all the latest stuff, rip out perfectly good kitchens and bathrooms etc. Then it all crashed in the most horrible way.

I think people learned the lessons from that time, but many certainly didn't pass that learning on to their kids.

PrimitivePerson · 23/02/2025 22:52

LillyPJ · 23/02/2025 21:33

I think I've stepped off the treadmill. I retired early, live on very little, cook from scratch etc. I'm not bothered about fancy cars, fashion or expensive gadgets. I have a great life with plenty of travel and activities, friends and interests. Modern life can be good if you ignore the pressure to buy stuff you really don't need.

Yeah, exactly. I don't earn much more on average than minimum wage, but I don't have to work very hard or very often. I have a decent four bedroom house in a fairly cheap area that I can easily afford repayments on. I drive a basic but reliable car that's eleven years old that I've owned outright since it was new. I don't go on holidays much but I regularly go hiking in stunning Scottish scenery, staying for free in bothies. I don't spend much on booze or clothes, and I'm not on social media so I don't care what anyone else is doing, or have a need to prove anything to anyone.

My life is great.

pompey38 · 23/02/2025 22:52

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/02/2025 21:20

I’m not been immune to this myself, so not pointing fingers. I just keep seeing the same things on here again and again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that Blur were on to something.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids, but we couldn’t save up for them, or afford them, so we took out leases on them. In the good old days of low interest rates we bought bigger houses, and took out loans for extensions and spent the rest on a family holiday.

Now we have expensive lifestyles but less disposable income. We’re tied into paying off loans that seemed manageable 5 years ago, paying £100s for cars that just don’t seem to do it for us anymore as almost every other person has one anyway. But mostly we’re knackered from trying to manage it all.

Lots of us seem to dream of getting rid of 50% of our things, eating the same simple meals every week, saving slowly for house improvements and living with ‘okay’, and getting off the treadmill, or at least slowing it down. If modern life made us all happy, I could maybe accept it’s all fine, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting.

So is modern life rubbish, or have I messed up somewhere?

You haven’t messed up, like you ,I did exactly the same but not to keep up with anything or anyone but just because we could easily afford it . Now , business being screwed up by the government, interest rates going up , etc not so much affordable anymore, just trying to stay above water, cut the holidays/expenses to a minimum and try to ride it out but is stressful

InveterateWineDrinker · 23/02/2025 22:51

A few months ago I was talking at the school gate about a local community centre which operates as a charity shop. I mentioned that I buy all my shirts there in a five for £2 deal - the school run is a 30 minute walk each way twice a day and I sweat like a pig, so they do a good job.

Another parent looked at me as if I was something she had stepped in. I know from her mother, who usually does the pickups, that her household income is about a quarter of ours. Her son is the sweetest kid ever, the kind of kid I'd happily adopt if he needed it. But he goes to school on non-uniform days in Prada trainers and tracksuits, with strict instructions not to play football at break because the shoes and clothes have to be returned so can't be scuffed. He's miserable.

How can people choose to live like this?

BuddhaAtSea · 23/02/2025 22:50

In my case, I took a good look at myself and decided what I want and how I want things. And what I can actually do about it. I’m not going to sit here singing the virtues of frugality, that’s not the point, but I ask myself all the time: is this ok with me? Does this make me content? Does this allow me to sleep at night? Is this serving my child/family/friends/me?

I had/have to make a series of decisions based on several algorithms, and that doesn’t leave much space for the Joneses and their Range Rover. Equally, how I present myself is how the others see me, I am aware of it. I know which tribes I want to belong to, and if I wanted to be in a different tribe, I would have done it, but I don’t. Do I want to give ‘well off’ vibes? Nope. Do I want to come across as someone who’s got their shit together? Yup. My standard of life is that, MY standard. I think it’s fun to have a Louis Vuitton bag, but I wouldn’t be seen dead with one, it’s not my thing. I’m not saying my choice is better, or that I couldn’t afford one, I’m saying it’s not my choice, not my thing, and I’m absolutely OK with that.

I also don’t think I’m entitled to anything.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 23/02/2025 22:47

The UK is highly consumerist, which doesn’t help.

But yes, nowadays I value a simple life with less a lot more. Whenever I go back home (I’m from a rural area) I see it very differently than how I did growing up.

Coldwatergloves · 23/02/2025 22:46

Do people really want to "keep up with" others? This is honestly something I've never felt at all, in fact it's more been that I want to downplay/understate success. My family/friends take the piss if people spend lots, very much "tall poppy syndrome" I guess.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 23/02/2025 22:46

depends what you compare it to - modern life is good for nearly everyone compared to nearly every point in history. But, it's not as good for some people as it has been at certain points in history. The biggest problem I feel is a general lack of optimism worldwide. Most generations have, broadly speaking, had a better life than the previous one - at the moment, it feels like this generation and subsequent ones aren't going to progress as much as their forebears.

Sadly, I don't really know what the answer is...

godmum56 · 23/02/2025 22:46

newkettleandtoaster · 23/02/2025 21:36

I agree.

I would really love a much more simple existence.

I work long hours in a stressful job. I'm paid well but we live in an expensive area due to wanting to be in catchment for good schools. So we have a large mortgage and I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel sometimes - working so hard to bring the money in, to build a good life for our kids, but they money flows out every month and I'm just exhausted.

I'd love to work less and spend less, and have a really pared back existence.

But it's hard.

We already don't have flashy cars or go on exotic holidays etc. we don't wear expensive clothes, are not into brands at all.

But lots around us are, and it means the kids are growing up very brand-conscious.

Everyone these days seems to have their immaculate, fashionable houses all over insta etc and it all just seems so futile.

I actually deleted instagram a few weeks ago and planning to delete fb as well. I think the less I see of that stuff, the happier I will be.

I am on facebook and don't see any of that crap.

Franjipanl8r · 23/02/2025 22:43

It depends who your friends are. I have plenty of “alternative” type friends who couldn’t give two shits about having a nice car and going on expensive holidays. Most of my good friends work to live not live to work.

Dappy777 · 23/02/2025 22:43

I am nearly 50 and have lived in the same area all my life, so can compare it to the 80s and 90s. The biggest change I have noticed is the sheer number of people. This is basically a market town with the population of a small city crammed into it. When I started catching the bus to my sixth form college, in 1994, everywhere seemed so much calmer and quieter. Now the fields have been replaced by disgusting new build housing estates with endless rabbit hutches squeezed on top of one another. The traffic is also infinitely worse. In fact, we can’t be far away from booking time slots to use the roads.

Modern life is too crowded, too noisy and too fast-paced, and it’s making us all ill. Life has always been hard. But when people had a bad day, or were struggling to cope with trauma, they could go for a walk and be alone with nature. The peace and quiet and natural beauty would soothe and restore them. Good luck trying that today. Even if you could find some little spot where you could be alone, you’d hear the screeching and exploding of some boy racer idiot in the distance.