Modern life is rubbish?

I agree with everything you’ve said. I am on maternity leave and would love to stay at home with my baby for a year but maternity pay is shocking - especially with rising bills - so I’ll probably have to go back sooner.

Try How To Be Free by Tom Hodgkinson as well. It's a pretty light and entertaining read, but very thought-provoking. It was written almost 20 years ago so before social media became the monster it is now, but he did seem to see the way the wind was blowing.

MN doesn't show me ads for anything. Ad blockers are your friends.

Yes, the book is excellent and is generally educational, made me rethink some of my habits but also see where I was blind to being manipulated. I got mine on loan in local library, maybe yours has it too.

@Gogogo12345 sure. I'm just jealous of people who managed to buy any property! It's not real jealousy though. But my mum's generation could buy property in their 20s if one of the couple worked. Now if both are professionals they'd still have to wait about 10 years to buy anything.

Lots of interesting points on this thread.
My general feeling would be that its a choice to buy into capitalism and the need to keep up with others.
We made the choice not to do that because we wanted more financial security.
My husband and I both grew up in very poor circumstances though so that was a priority for us. We've also watched both sets of parents make poor financial decisions so although they're now both much more well off than when we were children, they are not looking at healthy retirements.
We drive old second hand cars, we did take out bank loans for them at the time, when rates were lower but we've since paid those off and have kept the cars, still better value than leases.
We didn't eat out for 4 years to buy our house and then subsequently cope with the costs of moving in.
We're now able to have a holiday every year and eat out occasionally but we buy all our clothes second hand, our house needs lots of updating and decorating to be presentable but its functional and we prioritise what we enjoy, not what looks good to others.
My advice would be to prioritise what makes you happy, you don't need everything.

Ha! Mumsnet is now showing me ads for Range Rover Evoques!!

We always saved before we bought, prioritised paying off the mortgage, did DIY- learnt the hard way about mixing cement, plumbing and fancier stuff like making stained glass windows.
I don't think I have ever bought a car new- my current one is 10years old and beautiful mini in perfect condition so no need to change.
We went through a phase of wanting stuff but after clearing out parents houses after they died buying stuff has lost its appeal.

Take a breath and look at what you have - do you need it? Have a clear out, sell some stuff and put it towards a debt or a holiday. It can be satisfying.
Try a "one in one out" habit where you sell something for everything you buy. Encourage your children to do the same.

Yes there are temptations in modern life but if you did not need the new cars or bigger houses and you just wanted them- then reflect on that and try to change this behaviour.

Take back the control

I agree.
I grew up in an era when police turned a blind eye to "domestic" violence, women were unable to take out loans or have a credit card without permission from their husband, I married in a time where rape was legal within marriage, women were paid less than men in the same job.

Many things have improved since then.

I've never felt the need to have flash cars, designer clothes or all inclusive holidays. I've always cooked from scratch and have never been in debt. My savings have helped me ride through redundancies and I've always paid into a pension.

But I do appreciate that we are all bombarded with adverts to buy, buy, buy! My mantra is 'do I want to buy that or do I want to retire a month earlier?'

I've been watching Sort your life out on the TV and it is truly staggering the amount of stuff people have in their homes.

Living within your means and not bothering about keeping up with the Joneses has got to be the way forward. Too many will find out the hard way that nothing in life is free.

I think we have alot of progress in modern life to be proud and thankful for: technology, medical care, opportunities, education, convenience, women's rights, empathy towards children, younger generation healthier attitudes.

But also lots of regression that we should not accept or ignore: failing and strained public infrastructure, unmodernised education, social and public services, loss of simpler childhoods/youth, lack of multigenerational communities, less nature, much higher wealth inequality (or so I feel)

If I'm in my 20s today i would not choose to have kids.

You are now meant to eat at least 30 different veg things per week, so having same food every day is also underperforming by modern standards. I am reading Less by Patrick Grant and some of what OP is lamenting is explained in the book, it’s capitalism - the rich makes us want more, so they can get even richer.

I think it's how you handle the pressure to keep up with the Joneses. That pressure has always been there. We have a small house, one car etc because for us we prefer to spend our money on going to gigs, shows and travel. I work part time in a job I really enjoy and I also get time to go and see my children's school.stuff etc. Our children also have been happy to not have the latest phone, not really into labels etc. for us we prefer experiences as opposed to possessions, that's how I was brought up also.

I think it's also because we have had a consumer credit culture here for a lot longer than certainly most of Europe, and with having all the finance whizz-kids in the City new products and ways of peddling credit tended to see the light of day in the UK before taking over the rest of Europe.

It's for insomniacs only, but this is a paper about the financialisation of car consumption... essentially the motor industry has too much capacity and can only survive if people buy better specced, more expensive cars, more often than they need. PCPs were quite handy for that... who says there's no coherent industrial strategy?

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13563467.2023.2254727#abstract

There's no pressure to keep with the others. Only if you decide that's what you want to do.

We have a 21 year old car but send our children to private school. We possibly have the worst and oldest car out of everyone at the school. We just don't care. It works, gets us from A to B and anyone who might judge we're not interested in being friends with.

We shop at Aldi. Our friends shop at Waitrose. Just do what you want and don't worry about other people.

@Cattreesea

I don't actually think it's even housing costs per se that's the issue in the U.K., it is more that we perceive that anything smaller than a 4-5 bed detached house, any car older than 3 years, any clothes not bought recently etc etc are not good enough so use credit, in other countries apartment living is embraced (and consequently family sized apartments are built), less reliance on cars and less new car culture, buying a few good quality clothes that last and yes saving up to buy things. I think our (long term) exposure to American tv as fuelled much of the issue, you see people in normal everyday jobs depicted as living in mansions by European standards unless it's set in New York or other major city. We aspire towards that.

@Crikeyalmighty I know. When I was a teenager we were chomping at the bit to move out. Now adults are living at home into their 30s saving up for a four bedroom house in Chelsea.

@mitogoshigg as I said in my earlier post this works 'if' you are both on the same page- years ago my H would have been ok with that - suddenly he wasn't- the minute he was earning good money he wanted the works!

@username299 exactly - my son was in a shared house from 2 days before he was18 -we have a great relationship but it was his choice - he wasn't doing Uni so felt that the shared house did at least give him the feel of living and socialising with others. We read about so many on here whose kids stay at home so they can 'save for a deposit' - but it seems with plenty it never kind of happens especially in the more expensive areas -they simply spend more and only move out once there are two of them contributing and can actually have a niceish flat or house ( bought or rented)

I get exactly what you are saying and whilst changes are not always possible in the short term you can make positive steps. We chose a smaller less prestigious house than our income allowed to be mortgage free (in 50's) the bank were confused when we wanted a 5 year mortgage for £120k rather than the £580k over 20 years they were offering. His car is 20 years old, mine 7, both owned outright. We buy things outright, and I always have done even when low income, my first furniture was all hand me downs or charity shop. We love holidays but wouldn't dream of using a credit card to pay, never have. This financial tightness of mine caused friction in my former marriage because i wouldn't have coffee in tourist traps but it is allowing me to live happily, we take a task of coffee out, pack a picnic etc, simple life and debt free

Agreed.

I left London three years ago and I feel so much better for it.

I live in a small town by the sea and I have a much more enjoyable pace of life.

I had some really bad health issues in the past five years and stress played a major part in that so I had to do something drastic to change my lifestyle.

I work part-time and then freelance the rest of the time.

I have stopped buying 'stuff' just for the sake of it and cut out the toxic people out of my life.

I live a very simple life and prioritise health and wellbeing over material things.

I think we have a poor quality of life in general in this country due to high housing costs, long working hours but generally poor wages that have not kept up with inflation, a cost of living crisis and a constant push for people to buy more and feel dissatisfied of with what they already have. That does not make for a happy, sustainable lifestyle...

Many, many years ago one of the credit cards marketed itself with the line take the waiting out of wanting.

The pushing of consumer debt isn't a new thing but it has got worse. It seems that everything I look to buy online comes with the offer to spread the payments. Buy now, pay later.

But the waiting did serve a purpose. Time to look around, look for the best deal, look for the best version etc.

Buying too quickly does risk 'buyer regret'.

There was an interesting discussion a few months ago about a man who said he couldn't afford to leave home.

Actually he could. We calculated how much he earned and how much it was to rent in the area.

People were arguing that he wouldn't be able to afford a nice house, so he couldn't move.

How many times on mumsnet do we see people saying 'I 'need ' a 4/5 bed detached' when buying up or divorcing or even getting a bigger social housing place. Same goes when talking about sex - constant talk about 'needs' ( especially men) - what they mean is 'wants' - their life won't end if they get a 3/4 bed semi or don't get as much sex as they 'want'

What they mean is I 'want' a 4 or 5 bed detached or sex twice a week minimum . I think many have lost the ability to differentiate between 'needs' and 'wants' - and feel hard done by if they can't constantly have what they want