Modern life is rubbish?

Re cars: I hate them, basically (smelly, dangerous, ugly, divisive), but I do agree that if you need one, make sure it’s comfortable and reliable.

Years ago I tried to revolutionise financial education in this country (yeah, I was young and stoopid!). The schools and universities I approached to get on board were very resistant: ‘we have learning materials free from NatWest, we don’t need you!’ Ever heard of setting rabbits to guard lettuces????

I think access to finance and social media has a lot to answer for and I worry about the strain both puts on people financially.

We're a £140K joint income household (no kids) and both put £1800pm into the "bills account" which is mortgage, utilities, internet etc. We pay about £500 a month for both cars that are fairly new and one is paid off shortly. We don't get takeaways, 95% are from scratch but go out for day drinks every 6 weeks or so (say £100-150 spend) and try to go out for Sunday lunch each week as we're so sick of cooking (£40 ish spend). We like nice holidays and do have a few very nice ones a year, but nothing hugely flashy compared to others and nothing others couldn't afford. (In May we're going to IKOS for example - not unreachable for many!) Our lifestyle is not outside of the reach of many and not "flashy" or appearing expensive as others I know on less than half my salary.

I think the key issue now is that credit/klarna means everyone can buy everything and that's an issue for those on less than me as it's building a lifestyle without the financial backing should circumstances change. I don't particularly buy new clothes often (F&F at Tesco is actually great!), don't get my nails done (or eyelashes or brows or facials etc) and I'm lucky to not have to dye my hair yet so I get simple trims every 8-10 weeks for say £50. A lot of women I know get fresh nails every few weeks, have an expensive hairdresser, lash extensions, regular beauty apps, a designer bag, designer perfume, have Dyson air wraps, drive a nice new-ish little car (monthly payments) and go on quite flashy/expensive holidays. Maybe they compromise elsewhere such as not eating as many whole foods as much as I do and therefore have a smaller food bill, BUT you'd not know much difference on the face of it between me on £70K and a friend on £30K when we go out for lunch - her handbag is probably more expensive than mine and she'll order a more expensive dish! The only tell tale (which isn't on social media) would be our house and savings value and even then I have friends who got help from family to buy houses in their 20s (£20K+ sums) and their weddings entirely paid for so they still manage to have decent savings. So a lot of it perhaps when I think is both finance AND family support?

Houses built on sand rather than stone perhaps but worth considering when you compare your lifestyle to others - hopefully yours is a solid foundation and you can cut away what you don't need?

In many ways life was a lot more rubbish for many people in the past. If you feel the need to keep up with the Joneses, with flash new cars, a bigger house, etc., and choose to live only just within, or beyond, your means, that is entirely your choice.

Keeping off social media might be a good idea, especially anything show-off/lifestyle related. As for ‘pressure’ to buy/spend/keep up, I’m fed up with reading about this. It’s not compulsory to give in to such ‘pressure’ - plenty of people manage quite well without giving in to it.

It’s not exhausting to say no. You just make it your default when it comes to credit:

Do you want a credit card - no
Would you like to use Klarna - no

Rarely, you may have to say yes because the thing you are buying is (1) genuinely needed (not just wanted) (2) the best option available and (3) genuinely beyond your means. But the default should be ‘No’.

It's better than being dead!!!

We just sold the big house with the big garden that everyone admired, used the equity to buy a much smaller house without a big garden and paid off all our debts.

I think a lot of people are doing this - loads of people sell their house and go travelling or downsize loads. People are learning that big house, big car is nowhere as near as important as being happy.

Also comparison is the thief of joy. Enjoy what you have and be grateful. Think of how much better off you are than alot of other people and don't think of those with more. You can't keep up with the joneses.

I don't think so. I love life and I think that's because I appreciate things that cost nothing. I love walking in nature. Hiking. Swimming in the sea. Costing up by the fire on a wet day.
Homemade soup with bread after a cold walk.
Reading with my babies under a blanket
Family movie night
Dog snuggles
I'm happy with a fun camping holiday.
But every few years we go on a big holiday.but can do that as I save on little things. I don't get my hair done or any beauty treatments. Budget the food shop. Don't buy coffee or snacks when out. Go on free days out instead of spending money. Sell old stuff on vinted etc. Etc
Also the "big" holidays to America are around the same as a package holiday as we shop around and organise ourselves.
I love life.
I'm glad I'm alive now. No threat of being bombed (where we are) no rations or cold. Work isn't too bad. Etc

@MeanMrMustardSeed
I am sorry but you are wrong
Yes credit is over extended in our society but you have to look at the APR v benefit and make decisions constantly based on your financial situation
This is your responsibility

eg you are buying a car £20k
They offer you a finance deal
You see that if you take a no interest credit card out you can repay the car in the 24 months without interest
you do not take the finance deal
Society having a emphasis towards advertising new things to buy and credit does not force you to buy anything

There was once a point in our culture that to be in debt was a shameful thing
We should not go back to that but debt should not be normalized either.

If you could not afford it at the time you had the option not to buy it

I read a book called The Year of Less by Cait Flanders and it really struck a chord or anyone is interested. (Only 79p on kindle at the moment but obvs better if you can get it from the library)

How do you think you'd feel if you managed to earn £70k pa and had the 4 bed detached with a garage, utility room, home office and kitchen extension? Would you still feel a failure when you hear of others who have 5 bed detached with double garages, who earn £100k pa? At what point would contentment kick in?

For perspective, I earn less than you and live in a smaller home, but I'm content. I realise my contentment comes from a combination of a naturally frugal nature, a hatred of rampant consumerism and a disinterest in comparing myself with others. I figure the women who do earn £70k pa probably have far more pressure at work than i do, and although my work isn't well paid it's rewarding and relatively stress-free.

As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy. You like your home and work. That is until you compare yourself with others. That's really sad 🙁

I have sympathy for those who find themselves in financial strife through just trying to survive but people who want to present an image of being better off than they are? Nope.

But cheap credit was available to everyone. Some people grabbed at it and other people ignored it. Some might have resisted temptation but others just dismissed it outright with no temptation. There was nothing to resist.

Did people not realise they'd have to pay it back eventually? That interest rates might rise? Thar buying things they couldn't afford wasn't a particularly sensible idea?

There are moments when it is really valuable to be old and cynical. Usually we only learn scepticism after getting burned. The old rules stand: if it sounds too good to be true, it is a scam. There is never, ever, a free lunch. Apply these principles relentlessly. HTH.

Agree OP.

Desire is infinite and its what our regime is based on. You're not wrong OP.

Financial resilience is incredibly important, as is understanding what makes your life better. I'm 68 now, and anything I post is framed by my present concerns. I would have posted different answers at 45 and 55.

At 45 I was the mother of a toddler, and still trying to cope with a workload for a woman 10 years younger, but I did employ a nanny, a younger woman with a child of her own that she often brought with her.

At 55, I was too old to be appealing to my previous clients, so unemployable. I was seriously miserable and menopausal. According to my family, I was horrid then.

But it has chilled out again, and now I am the oil in the machine: good at admin and paperwork and logistics and catering. Regardless of my competence, my DH whose business I enabled at its inception, now keeps the ship afloat financially, but he has intermittent acute health crises that could prove fatal, that could change the status quo in the snap of fingers. His sudden death would be an emotional catastrophe, but it would not cause a crisis, because I have had to think it through, repeatedly. It will be atrocious, if/when it happens, but it WILL happen.

Like the OP, MN is the extent of my social media, and I stay for the company and the chat. Politics, sociology, fashion (I don't talk relationship dysfunctions, and I'm too old to participate in TTC). It's a lively forum that provides endless hours of inexpensive amusement, debate and the occasional excellent reading recommendation. Huge cheer really!

What's the old adage?

A fool and his money are easily parted..?

Too many people don't want to take personal responsibility for their choices and just seek to blame others.

I think this is another example of trying to blame "society" for one's own weaknesses, imprudence, lack of planning, failure to hustle, etc.

Like a pp said, what is there to resist? I've certainly never had difficult 'resisting' pressure to overspend because I pay no attention to whatever cues you say are out there. Couldn't care less what the neighbours own, drive or wear. Don't have the type of family that flaunt money or spending. In fact most of us probably would be taken for low-income when in fact we are financially secure and in some cases quite well off.

Maybe stay off social media and learn to appreciate what one has rather than worry about what others have. If there's something one wants, get out there and hustle for it; many is the time I have worked two jobs or run a side business or sold things on eBay in order to reach a financial goal. I don't sit around and blame "society" because everything I want doesn't fall right into my lap.

I still have young kids. Life is fine. We deliberately avoided the trap of the expensive cars/house/vacations and we are doing well.

keeping up with the neighbours will always kill your budget, as will using credit (because very few are disciplined enough to pay it off immediately/fast).

But you're missing the point that lots of people do resist it and quite easily too.

In fact, I don't even 'resist' because I don't really think about it. And of there is something I want, I don't buy it unless I can afford it.

I'm paying off my student loans and mortgage but I don't have any other personal debt at all - no loans, no credit cards, nothing.

I only have an overdraft of £200 and I've had that for 25 years after my pay was late going in one month and caused a few issues. But I've never used it.