Modern life is rubbish?

2 cars have been mentioned on this thread as a marker of success

@DoraSpenlow I entirely agree. Credit cards (and, to a lesser extent, just using a card or phone to pay for stuff) 'hide' the fact that you're spending money. Handing over a card or swiping a bit of plastic doesn't feel like you're giving something away so it's too easy. I use cash for that reason, even if it does make me look like a dinosaur.

I'm early 70s and growing up we had the bare minimum but a loving and happy family life. Neither my husband or myself have been much influenced by what we are supposed to think we should have. Only replace stuff when it's beyond repair, don't feel the need to have the latest gadget. I hate the phrase 'must have'.

When we do buy things it's never on credit. If the money is not in the bank we don't have it. I think the rot set in when credit cards came in in the 60s and people no longer had to wait for things. I understand why though.

The era of cheap credit did lots of people no favours really. It was inevitable that it would go up eventually. We have a young family member who has to keep up with all the latest 'stuff' and bought loads of things when credit was next to nothing. The trouble is she works on the checkouts and is a single mum so has practically zero disposable income. We older members of the family tried, in a kindly, concerned way asked her to think what would happen when rates rose and to be careful but we're told we were old fashioned and this is the way everyone lives now. Sadly she is now in a very bad way financially surrounded by what she now sees as out of date crap. It's so sad.

I totally agree, I’ve been working on it a lot with a therapist! Like I mentioned, I’m actually practicing frugality every day, but it’s about getting comfortable with it and not comparing. I just wish it was more of an open conversation (or perhaps I wish I could feel comfortable openly discussing it). I still can’t even pipe up when a bill isn’t split equally, despite always being so careful with my money, in case everything thinks I’m tight.

I am determined to join all the people on this thread who seemingly find it baffling why people like me waste their energy on such matters 😆.

I watched a very interesting documentary on you tube about Switzerland the other day. It was very eye opening. Over there everybody prefers to underspend. Although the country is very rich people are not materialistic and even the cheapest foods are in the middle aisle. There is also less choice. Everybody saves money and repairs everything wherever possible. I don't know if it is partly due to most people having to rent. They also cycle a lot and don't eat out often. I admire their simplicity. Even rich people always underspend.

Many families need two cars, no aspiration needed.

I m very committed to financial security. Single, co parenting mum, have been mortgage free since 34, never have any loans, always have savings.

I never keep up with the johnses, I don't covet branded goods or showpiece jewellery. It never occurs to me to try to look rich for anyone else's benefit. Why?! I ve met billionaires through work, fuddy duddy engineer types, you ld never pick them out. The people trying to look rich are not rich.

How or why do I behave like this:

I don't feel valued in work unless I get payrises, I move jobs for better pay. I m pretty versatile in my work and have always earned a decent salary. When I was younger I worked two jobs.

I currently work from home and save a fortune on commuting, lunches, coffee, early birds, after work drinks (however I miss the socialising! ).

I consider the price/use ratio/lifespan of everything I buy (within reason). Furniture, carpets etc I consider the likelihood of needing to replace them and buy at a reduced price if I think they will be heavily used and need replacement in a few years.

My children are eco friendly and don't approve of landfill and as a result we wear our clothes until they fall apart.

I saw a lot of waste in my young years, I grew up in a high risk household, lots of money wasted on alcohol and horses etc., I m really conscious of providing for my children. Lots of the high risk behaviour paid off, some of it didn't.

I only like to invest in assets that will appreciate, anything that depreciate in value is a waste of money, this includes cars, designer clobber, luxury items.

I mostly spend my money on property and family experiences/holidays. I find flashy people needy.

Why does everyone aspire to have 2 cars

I live within my means but I struggle to get by. Bread and butter lifestyle but very little jam! Depressing.

BonBon20 I imagine it may be difficult for some to resist, but surely the solution would be to examine why that is the case rather than simply giving in to mindless spending.
We inherit thought and emotional patterns from our parents, and yes they can be hard to shift, but we absolutely can change our mindset- on this and many other mechanisms.
I am not immune to having some things that are fun or unneccesary, but not to an extend which has an impact on my financial situation, and certainly not to seek validation from others.

I know this is an old post now but been reading through it and just couldn’t resist saying I so so agree with everything you’ve said!

I find it frustrating the comments making it sound so easy to resist the lure of modern trappings as though there’s no debate at all about it? That’s simply not what I see or feel in life. No, friends would never judge me for having less but I grew up with parents who always exchanged news of how “well” others are doing, or what a good job their child has now, have you seen their latest car? They don’t realise the lesson that’s teaching and I find it hard to shake. They are lovely people but they’ve expressed surprise in the past about how small our home is. We have a tiny terrace in an expensive commuter town because of our London jobs and they are always exclaiming at my younger sister earning “so much money” - she shows off about it because I can see she thinks money = people think you are successful. And we indicate that success with our homes and our cars etc. we’ve done it since the very dawn of humans.

I am resisting like mad - small mortgage, old car paid in cash, growing a kitchen garden because it makes me happy. Doesn’t mean I’m immune from wishing my front door didn’t open onto my small lounge and we had more room for things.

Thanks for starting this debate. It shouldn’t be shut down by those who disagree, they could help everyone see how they do it rather than calling people “simpletons”.

I agree. I've never had a lot of money. When I was younger and had a mortgage, I had no savings and if money ran out I'd have to wait till the next payday to buy anything. It was worrying it things broke down or a new bill arrived. I've now built up healthy savings and paid off my mortgage. My income (and expenditure) is still very low but I love not having to worry about money all the time.

Absolutely.

It feels very safe knowing I have contingency. With low outgoings and a large buffer no matter what happens all will be OK.

The ability to sleep at night is priceless; consumerism often robs people of that very basic need.

When you step off the merry go round of consumerism ( if you were ever there) then the distance brings clarity, we can have an objective view of social "pressures"
A lot of the "stuff" many buy is wealth signalling. A fancy car, expensive clothes, footwear or handbags. Homes in posh neighbourhoods, fancy holidays we can't afford.
It seems to me that all this posturing is a search for external validation. We want people to think we are happy, affluent, have life all worked out.
But despite all the consumer goods our souls are left parched, we are crying inside, needing to be told we are good enough.

It is liberating to dismiss social expectations, and not care if people think we are scruffy/poor/lazy.
I care not a jot what others think of my life choices.
Paring back to simplicity and only buying things that we need or to nurture ourselves is the ultimate in soft living.

It’s the choices you make isn’t it?

We are 2 parents working full time with an 8 year old. We go abroad most years but we book way in advance and pay off bits of this as and when, we don’t have credit cards.

Both of our cars are owned outright but are 10/11 years old.

Home improvements happen when we have the money saved up, otherwise they don’t happen.

Our house isn’t Instagram perfect but it’s clean and maintained.

Completely agree.

The debt you build up won’t just go away either. When you die your kids will be left to deal with it. Do you really want that to happen just so you could have a fancy car like Astrid and Joseph two streets over?

Where does this “pressure” to buy above your means come from? It’s a self imposed pressure and used to avoid taking responsibility for the choices you’ve made (oh but society made me do it!). It’s something many people need to work on within themselves. People that know their own mind and can find worth beyond material possessions are happier and more peaceful.
Get off social media. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. Society can’t make you do anything.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids

You may have swallowed the "dream", but not all of us did. You made these choices freely. The hamster wheel of consumption leads nowhere, and many of us knew that.
Overspending is visible, bawdy and brash, so much more noticable than those of us choosing simple,gentle lives.
Consumption does not ease our hunger for healing, it can distract us from our pain and anxieties for a while, but will always remain counterfeit soul food.

I don't know anyone who lives like that. Sounds like you have a problem with compulsive spending.

No, you are absolutely 💯 correct! I have been saying the same thing myself for the last 2/3 years. I think this is also why people have become so unhappy miserable anxious depressed etc. I paid off the £ I had on c/cards and then cancelled them, I save up if I need to make a large purchase now. If I can’t afford it I don’t buy it. Got rid of car on PCP too. Im living within my means and I feel happier leading a simpler life, no debt and no stressy miserable job anymore either

I could have written this, so empathise! We are in an Owned (mortgaged) 3 bed semi with garden, driveway, etc but no utility room & only one loo. Could do with updating a bit! We have a decent car but it's 14 years old, I'm in a secure admin job but feel deflated some days seeing what other people have. I try not to compare but it's hard. But, we've no debt except a mortgage and have lots to be thankful for.

This was the ideal in the 1980s but in reality, it makes little difference whether or not men want to take over the domestic sphere (and let's face it, most of them don't particularly) when the logistics don't allow for it. Anecdotally, in my circle of friends, both partners are working and/or commuting from 8.30am and they don't get back until at least 6pm - often more like 7pm - 8pm for the higher earner - and those are the lucky families that aren't dealing with shift work or other complicating factors. They barely see their kids and are simply forced to work to service housing costs with very little help, if any, from parents or extended family. Childcare is extortionate and mostly of awful quality - again, the fees in our local nurseries seem to be passed on largely to landlords. And worst of all there's now this disingenuous expectation that women should be equal to men in all the masculine ways eg. we're expected to earn the same and be able to support ourselves and our kids if our partner leaves but there's barely any appreciation, let alone adequate compensation for the ways in which we are not equal to men, namely the huge contribution of carrying, birthing and being responsible for the emotional development of children. And if the guy does leave, the courts won't even make him pay for his own kids. Modern life is truly rubbish for a lot of women at the moment - in many ways worse than thirty years ago. There should be far more appreciation and compensation for what we do outside the conventional workforce and work needs to be adapted to family life (the birth rate will continue to plummet if it doesn't). But it won't happen as long as we keep celebrating the idea that doing it all for half the money is some kind of feminist win in itself.

I really can't relate to paying more for a car not being worth it because everyone has a nice one now??

That bizarre keeping up with the joneses that's never been part of my life.

I was doing well before the 07 financial crisis and have never recovered.

But it's not due to buying cars holidays or houses.