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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

478 replies

Caribun · 23/02/2025 20:33

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

OP posts:
DancingHippos · 23/02/2025 22:53

My cousin invited me to his wedding and not my sister. We couldn't quite believe it. I emailed him for clarification. We were very close growing up. He didn't reply.
I can't recall if I went in the end - it was 20 years ago and it was only part of the wedding. We all went to the other part of the wedding. However, a few years he said that he couldn't invite everyone. It was his wife who was making decisions as she organised it all. His wife is actually really lovely and we all really like her. So we have moved passed it but I think my cousin massively messed up and should have had more backbone.
Anyway, you won't know until you ask your cousin.

Original poster
Caribun · 23/02/2025 22:52

Thanks, I'll send it in the morning and see what reply we get.

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 23/02/2025 22:50

Caribun · 23/02/2025 22:31

Do I just say something like...

"Hiya cousin, just checking in because [siblings] have received their invitations and I didn't want you thinking I was rude by not responding to an RSVP, but we haven't received anything for us. Let me know".

Yep! That's fab!

Copperoliverbear · 23/02/2025 22:50

Or if you can pluck up the courage to message her yourself.

BatchCookBabe · 23/02/2025 22:49

Caribun · 23/02/2025 22:31

Do I just say something like...

"Hiya cousin, just checking in because [siblings] have received their invitations and I didn't want you thinking I was rude by not responding to an RSVP, but we haven't received anything for us. Let me know".

Yep, that's fab!

Copperoliverbear · 23/02/2025 22:46

Don't just mention it to you mum ask her to ask outright can ? Come if she leaves the children at home with her husband, she is very upset about being the only one who isn't coming.

SleepPrettyDarling · 23/02/2025 22:41

Caribun · 23/02/2025 22:31

Do I just say something like...

"Hiya cousin, just checking in because [siblings] have received their invitations and I didn't want you thinking I was rude by not responding to an RSVP, but we haven't received anything for us. Let me know".

I’d say ‘hi cousin, hope the wedding plans are coming along okay. I haven’t got an invitation so should I presume I’m not on your list? Unsure if I should make childcare arrangements or not.’

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 23/02/2025 22:39

Caribun · 23/02/2025 22:31

Do I just say something like...

"Hiya cousin, just checking in because [siblings] have received their invitations and I didn't want you thinking I was rude by not responding to an RSVP, but we haven't received anything for us. Let me know".

Yes! I voted YABU because I think you should just ask her. If she says you aren’t invited, that’s a thread! 😊

SandlersToe · 23/02/2025 22:38

Caribun · 23/02/2025 22:31

Do I just say something like...

"Hiya cousin, just checking in because [siblings] have received their invitations and I didn't want you thinking I was rude by not responding to an RSVP, but we haven't received anything for us. Let me know".

Cross posted.

Yes, this is good 👍🏼

SandlersToe · 23/02/2025 22:37

.

SandlersToe · 23/02/2025 22:35

Or you can just be another passive MNetter who daren't open their mouth/makes up scenarios and prefers to whine and seethe on the internet.

GravyBoatWars · 23/02/2025 22:34

Caribun · 23/02/2025 22:31

Do I just say something like...

"Hiya cousin, just checking in because [siblings] have received their invitations and I didn't want you thinking I was rude by not responding to an RSVP, but we haven't received anything for us. Let me know".

Yes, that's a great message

SandlersToe · 23/02/2025 22:33

Gosh, just ask her. There's nothing to be scared of you're merely communicating with a relative to know where you stand... The invitation has likely just been missed. You won't know until you ask.

Original poster
Caribun · 23/02/2025 22:31

Do I just say something like...

"Hiya cousin, just checking in because [siblings] have received their invitations and I didn't want you thinking I was rude by not responding to an RSVP, but we haven't received anything for us. Let me know".

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 23/02/2025 22:29

You've got to ask your cousin directly. Not in a big dramatic way but just checking in case your invite has got lost. You are feeling hurt now so you have nothing to lose by asking.

Franjipanl8r · 23/02/2025 22:23

I’ve had this before and it was a lost invite. I’ve also had a wedding invite that wasn’t clear I had a plus one and when I went alone, the bride and groom were surprised my partner wasn’t with me! Mistakes happen - just ask outright! It’s way less awkward having a quick chat than it is months of not knowing!

MaybeItWasMe · 23/02/2025 22:22

I would definitely message.

Hi Coz,
I hope that this doesn’t sound rude or put you in a difficult position, but I was really surprised not to receive an invitation to your wedding like the rest of the family. I am now concerned that I’ve inadvertently done something to upset you? I appreciate that it’s your day and up to you who to invite but I’m a bit confused, to be honest.
Love, Caribun.

Grapewrath · 23/02/2025 22:22

Honestly wonder if your mum knows something if she’s making excuses about the kids as opposed to assuming your invite was lost?
I personally would move on and secretly hope it pisses down with rain on the day or the food is shit 🤣

TheEllisGreyMethod · 23/02/2025 22:16

My mum spent years thinking she wasn't invited to 2 of her cousins weddings, her 2 cousins spent years thinking she ghosted the invite. The invites went through my DGM who didn't pass them on to my DM as she thought childcare would be a hassle...
You need to be brave and ask your cousin, there are good suggestions up thread.

gettingthehangofsewing · 23/02/2025 22:11

I'd definitely ask. There's not really a good reason other than your invitation is missing.

I'd message and say "hi I'm aware my siblings have all received invites to your wedding and I haven't, just want to clarify there hasn't been a mistake and if I'm not invited to check if I have offended you? Hope you are well take care x"

If it is a snub I'd be dropping her anyway so nothing lost. And if it's an error it gets cleared up. If someone did that to my sibling I would boycott the wedding in solidarity.

GravyBoatWars · 23/02/2025 22:08

I know that asking what's going on is uncomfortable, but I think you really do need to summon up 5 seconds of courage and do it. If you ask then there are multiple possible outcomes, the best of which is that you find out it was an oversight or error (wrong address, lost post, or simply a complete brain glitch when making a guest list) and the worst of which is that it was intentional, their explanation is worthless, and you end up feeling hurt and the relationship is ruined. But the reality is that if you don't ask then that worst-case outcome is a certainty - you're already incredibly hurt and will likely never feel ok about her or the relationship if you say nothing and assume it was intentional.

If you really can't bring yourself to take a big breath and hit send on a text then at least explicitly ask your DM to ask.

foghead · 23/02/2025 22:03

It's awkward already now so just ask.

FiveBarGate · 23/02/2025 21:59

That's a very good suggestion from @Katrinawaves .

Polite and friendly. Its going to have an impact if you don't ask and doing it in the way suggested is a way forward.

Original poster
Caribun · 23/02/2025 21:59

Chillilounger · 23/02/2025 21:33

Can't you contact your cousin and just ask if she's excited about the wedding. Open up conversation? She may feel the need to explain why you're not invited ( or ask if you're coming wondering why you haven't rsvp'd)

I tried that as they're using the same caterer as we did and she didn't respond to me which is what makes me feel like it's deliberate.

OP posts:
CuteEasterBunny · 23/02/2025 21:51

Honestly.. I’d leave it after reading about all the excluded women on MumsNet. People know they’ve excluded you and never see any wrong in it.

It sounds like your mum may have questioned it already if she’s not be more forthcoming in finding out for you.

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