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Original poster

To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

230 replies

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 16:42

For a bit of context I've never been on a "friends only" holiday, nor a hen do, nor a girls weekend. I've always either travelled solo or with family. I also only have two friends, one of them invited me to this weekend away for her birthday.

Going was out of my comfort zone to start with, but happy to try it, but now I've just been told some kids are coming too. I only like my own, so it's starting to sound like the opposite of relaxing or of debauchery.

My DH thinks I'm being weird and antisocial. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Edcc · 23/02/2025 18:01

Absolutely no way would I entertain this.

This is not acceptable and not a normal thing to do.

Its CF territory.
Not a chance would I go.

Text her and tell her you misunderstood it as adults only and will let them crack on.

ginasevern · 23/02/2025 17:56

Same thing happened to me once many years ago. I was not happy about it as I thought it would be a much needed boozy, laugh a minute girls weekend away. I went anyway not wishing to cause offence but most of the weekend revolved (naturally) around the kids. What and when they wanted to eat, getting them to bed, entertaining them during the day and pacifying their crying fits. I was so pissed off. I could've stayed at home and done that with my own DC for a fraction of the cost. I would cancel OP.

SalfordQuays · 23/02/2025 17:54

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:46

I don't think the ages matter. I have DC ranging from 5 to 17.... I'd like some time away from children in general.

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I disagree, I think the ages matter a lot. If the kids are all 17 then they’ll hang out together and do their own thing, you’ll probably barely see them. If they’re all pre school then you’ll spend the weekend at farm parks and soft play.

I would need more information before I made a decision. But I think really you should just go. It’s only a weekend, it’s not going to kill you. And given that you only have 2 friends, why would you risk upsetting one of them? Then you might only have one friend.

Loveanewusername · 23/02/2025 17:49

Oh this is a hard one that I don’t think you can win whatever you do.

  • you could text the group and ask something like, oh I didn’t think kids were invited, are we changing our plans ? As obviously a grown up weekend wouldn’t be suitable?
  • if the parents planon going and just spending the weekend pissed up that’s going to be a nightmare, as someone is going to be responsible for them (and I know I would feel stressed into making it me)
  • cheerily suggest that you snore really loudly and were looking forward to a lie in so you are happy just to meet the group for the day or rent a room near by and meet up
  • it does make you the moaner and it could be that your friend takes the hump

I think the problem is you are going to upset someone, that’s a given, so you just need to decide if it’s you that puts up or you speak up .

personally I would ring your friend (so that she can hear you are being nice about it, and say you would lo be to take her for a spa day / meal for her birthday, but you are so sorry it sounds horrific that kids are going and you don’t think it will be a a situation that you can relax in and it’s better you bow out rather then going and spoiling for others

Whatnowthenfordone · 23/02/2025 17:48

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:47

I think there might be two, not sure about that.

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I think you should check with birthday friend that the other women are actually happy with this. Maybe birthday friend should advise her she can’t bring the kids.

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:47

Whatnowthenfordone · 23/02/2025 17:44

Is it only one woman bringing her children? Are any of the other women happy about it?

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I think there might be two, not sure about that.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 23/02/2025 17:47

Nope. If I want to spend the weekend with random children I can have my own kids invite their friends round. And then send them home at the end of the day. No way am I socialising with 3 children 24 hours a day on a super rare night away.

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Post withdrawn at author's request

I don't think the ages matter. I have DC ranging from 5 to 17.... I'd like some time away from children in general.

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 23/02/2025 17:45

Yeah cancel, and make it clear why

Whatnowthenfordone · 23/02/2025 17:44

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:29

Only found out through the group chat, and now one of them has said "I'm not bringing my DC so I can fully relax" so I'm not the only one who's a bit shocked about it.

Is it only one woman bringing her children? Are any of the other women happy about it?

VenusClapTrap · 23/02/2025 17:40

I would cancel.

rubyslippers · 23/02/2025 17:39

ShaunaSadeki · 23/02/2025 17:39

Euggghh no way, would I leave my DC for the weekend to have to have to hang about with other peoples DC, the absolute worst of both worlds

This!!

ShaunaSadeki · 23/02/2025 17:39

Euggghh no way, would I leave my DC for the weekend to have to have to hang about with other peoples DC, the absolute worst of both worlds

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 23/02/2025 17:36

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

Samung · 23/02/2025 17:35

Nah fuck that, I wouldn't go.

Truetoself · 23/02/2025 17:32

I think you can message your friend and say that you were looking forward ti time away from any kids and having kids there will change the dynamic and feel of the weekend

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:29

Only found out through the group chat, and now one of them has said "I'm not bringing my DC so I can fully relax" so I'm not the only one who's a bit shocked about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:26

ThejoyofNC · 23/02/2025 17:23

Was it originally no kids? Why are kids now coming and did they run it past everyone?

No kids were ever mentioned!

It's five ladies total, and at least three kids are coming. (No idea of the distribution of said kids).

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 23/02/2025 17:23

Was it originally no kids? Why are kids now coming and did they run it past everyone?

Baddaybigcloud · 23/02/2025 17:17

How old are the kids?? You have no obligation to look after them and bday girl doesn’t have her kids. You’ll be fine!

Reddog1 · 23/02/2025 17:12

No way would I be going! 5pm dinners in “child friendly” pubs on my weekend away without my own kids? No thanks.

You have sorted out the practicalities with your husband and presumably you get very few weekends to yourself with no childcare responsibilities. So why would you want to be holidaying with random kids?

If you can’t get your money back just cut your losses.

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/02/2025 17:11

Personally I wouldn’t go as I have zero interest in spending a weekend away with someone else’s kids. Hardly relaxing or fun, in my opinion anyway. I’d only go if it was adults only. It’s like a girls weekend when someone brings their partner. It changes the whole vibe.

twoforeight · 23/02/2025 17:10

I’d cancel. Wouldn’t be relaxing with kids there.

Noshowlomo · 23/02/2025 17:07

Was it sold as adults only? Why do kids need to come now?

Ponoka7 · 23/02/2025 17:05

So have you found out from your friend tgat there are children coming? If there were pubs involved then it limits you to drinking at the accommodation. Did you plan out the weekend and does it change it massively?