To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

How was the original trip proposed? I think I would have to say that I must have got my wires crossed as I thought it was a girlie trip rather than a family one. Especially if it is young kids who need a lot of supervision I would be very pissed off and would not want to go.

@holidayblues25 well bringing kids along to a girlie weekend is really going to ruin the vibe! i wouldnt be going then!

That’s actually quite tricky cos not going could lead to aggro but I can see why with a 5y.o of your own you might want child-free time. Otherwise you might as well bring them along. I take it you don’t see that as an alternative? Group bonding wooo 😂

If you really don’t fancy it then I agree with PPs who say make an unrelated excuse. I would really worry that even saying ‘this was meant to be kid-free’ - while a perfectly legitimate POV - would be turned into ‘so what she’s saying is she hates our kids!’

i'd be writing similar in the group, but also that since the trip now isn't child-free you're not going.

Thinking about it - whilst honesty is the best policy - the problem with raising this as a concern is that other arrangements are reluctantly made for the kids and you’re the bad guy. And you maybe mar your relationship with one of the few friends you have.

I would be inclined to feign illness the day before tbh. I know it’s deceitful and not ideal but it may give you the best outcome.

If I signed up for an adults only, girls weekend away, and now children are coming, it would be a no from me. 3 children who are 17, can go off and do their own thing, but 3 children who are 3, 5 and 13 can't!! I suspect this is a childcare issue, and these children aren't 17!! I would definitely find out the ages of the children first, and then make a decision. I can't imagine any of the ladies, not bringing children, are particularly thrilled with the idea! You can stay at home and surround yourself with children!!

I would message friend and say I'm up for relaxing child free break but not a weekend with kids. Can she clarify. If kids confirmed then bow out.

I would reply to the specific message that says kids are going with ‘ah, sorry - didn’t realise it was a kids included kind of weekend. My mistake I’m sure! Think I will sit this one out’

I’d definitely message on the group chat saying

”children? I thought his was an adult weekend only!”

I wouldn’t be too impressed.

I wouldn’t go away if other peoples kids will be there. The whole point would be to relax, have a break and be child free.

I’d find it stressful, not fun and an expense I didn’t need. I’d rather spend that taking my own kids away.

No way would I spend my time and money listening to other people's dc when mine were at home. Urgh what a piss take imo.

Oh no this sounds awful. All have kids (agreed at the start) or no kids.

This!

No way I'd go. Time away from kids. Bugger that!

@SalfordQuays I agree ages matter but what 17 year old is going away with their mum's mates??
But a baby/toddler is going to be different from a 8-10 year old.
Either way though I'd be declining and say why.

I wouldn't go if it included children. What's the point of having a child free trip away when you are stuck with other people's kids?
What exactly were the plans for the weekend? Even if it's a nice meal out, a lot of places don't allow children after a certain time so you wouldn't be able to do that.

However are these 'grown up' children e.g. 18 year olds who are therefore participating in the socialising?

I think I would be honest and simply say that you thought it was a child free weekend, you have sorted childcare for your children and were looking forward to catching up with adults so unfortunately you won't be attending as you feel the weekend is not what you were hoping for.
I would then privately message the friend and ask if they would like to meet another time to celebrate their birthday.

‘Thought this was an adult only trip and was looking forward to child free time to properly relax. I’m not happy if this has changed’ Chuck that little grenade in and wait for the responses.

If the goal posts have moved you can cancel, but you could try first reminding everyone that this was supposed to be for adults. You could just say on the group chat: 'Hang on, are children coming? Sorry but I signed up for an event without children and I won't be coming if this isn't the case.' Hopefully whoever is hoping to bring her children will make other arrangements for them.

I would check with friends is it adults only or are kids welcome. Adults only I would consider going. Kids just cancel

This. I'd make it clear that I agreed to go on an adults only trip.

Yes cancel, yanbu. Why on earth would you leave your own kids at home to spend the weekend with someone elses.

Make it clear in the group chat. "I'm sorry I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel. I got the wrong end of the stick and thought it was an adults weekend away"

You were missold.

As someone who doesn't get a lot of time off from looking after my own DC I wouldn't want to waste it spending time with other people's kids. I'd be cancelling if it were me.