To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

While I wouldn’t be over the moon about this, you say you don’t have many friends and sometimes to nurture a friendship you value you have to compromise some of your preferences occasionally. Do you like them and want to continue being friends? If so you accept that she would like to celebrate her birthday with you and you graciously attend even if it’s not the thing you’d most like to do in the world.

i see people talking on here about feeling lonely/ not having many friends, I believe good friendships should be nurtured.

Yes - doesn't need to be snarky but you have to say that you were looking forward to a childfree weekend, and sorry but not up for kids.

I think some of these suggestions sounds great for a bit of Mumsnet drama but if these women have been bringing their kids all along then it's not their fault and sending them snarky messages isn't fair. It's the organiser who clearly can't communicate properly.

Is her husband going too? Can she not leave the kids at home with him and now she has to bring them on her birthday weekend?

honestly thought this was a girls weekend. I hope you don't mind but I'm going to sit this one out

Also this

This

You don't have to be snarky, just ask your friend. 'So who's bringing their kids then? Won't that change things a bit?' Then you'll be in full possession of the facts and you'll know how your friend feels about it. You can decide whether or not to go on that basis.

Unless it's an expensive trip I think I'd go along and see what happens. It's only a weekend. Who knows, some of the others might feel the same as you about kids being there and you might make another friend or two.

“I’m really sorry I think I’ve got the wrong end of the stick here. I thought this was a ladies weekend away I didn’t think it was a family thing? Really sorry but I can’t take a weekend away from my own kids if other people’s are going to be there it’s not fair on them.”

Then when they say, “bring your own, the more the merrier” or words to that effect.

”Sorry if I realised this was a kids as well kind of thing we would have planned things differently but Josh has football and Scarlet has a party so going to have to bow out at this stage.”

"Oops, didn't realise we'd have kids coming... hang on I need to cancel the stripper!"

Or

Private message to friend:

"Hi lovely, I think I've totally got the wrong end of the stick. I honestly thought this was a girls weekend. I hope you don't mind but I'm going to sit this one out. I think I've got enough going on at home with my darlings! But obviously would love a grown up weekend another time. And maybe we can go for a boozy lunch next week or something?"

Nah I love kids but I wouldn’t waste a weekend away from my own with other people’s.

I would pull out personally.

A girl's weekend is completely changed if some are now bringing their children. No thanks.

Sounds like their partners/husbands didn't want to watch their own children so they could go. Not your problem to solve.

YABU

Why can't you just be honest?

Id write "love you, love the kids, but I need some childfree time so I'm going to sit this one out and book into a spa instead. Have a brilliant time and I'll catch you on the next one 😘"

No snark, just direct communication.

Why are they taking the children, are they lone parents with no choice other than not to go?

I would reply to the one who said she's not bringing her DC - "of course no one is bringing their DC - that's the point of the weekend - adults celebrating!"

Then see what happens. But no, I would not be going with such a massively changed dynamic

I wouldn’t waste my money going on a trip with other peoples children. I rather poke my eyes out with knitting needles. Everything is going to around what they’re children like to eat and the time they have to go bed and just the general noise of others children. No way would I even consider it.

Don't go OP it sounds like hell and you won't enjoy it

We used to take turns choosing a restaurant for a Saturday night meal out. 3 couples... 2 cars followed whoever's turn it was... One week we all pulled into a Wacky Warehouse place.. I refused to get out of hej car. Dh was absolutely fuming... We had paid a babysitter and no bloody way was I being surrounded by screaming dc on an adult night out...

Again everyone's disability to actually say what they mean, in case all the hair-trigger snowflake friends have connipations, is the problem here.

The obvious solution is: i thought this was us only, no kids, weekend. Sorry if i misunderstood, but i won't be attending. Have fun. Maybe next time.

That’s what I would do. Also you never know maybe it’s some sort of exceptional circumstances.
However then I would think really hard if I wanted you to go

This.

I still don't think that should stop you from being honest. I would just say 'apologies I thought it was a weekend for adults only, hope you all have a lovely time but afraid it's not for me'

"Ah I thought I was signing up for a child free break, I don't fancy it. Not to worry, maybe next time. Have a good time ladies."

Tell them your dh is coming now and the dc... And possibly mil....

Just say it no longer suits.
If your friend texts you privately say you are not spending hard earned money to go away with someones children.

Or say something has come up.
Whatever is easier.