To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

Agree with PP, is this house a mansion? How many bathrooms does it have? It sounds like too many people.

It would be a no from me just for the numbers (drunk women/kids, both bad). You'll end up sharing a dormitory of sorts with people you don't know and can't escape and it will end up costing you a fortune. Suggest a birthday dinner somewhere nice on a different night - tell friend you don't do large groups.

I love going away with my kids and my friend's kids (when the kids get along ) but this sounds crazy

When are you meant to be going?
Has anything been booked? Based on the numbers it's going to be hard to find something to accommodate everyone. Also how is the cost being shared? This is always an issue on here about how to make it fair, if some people bring kids and then get a bigger room, en suite because of this do they pay more? What if people have to share, is the cost split between them for a room?

I think it's something that started out as a nice idea but has grown in size and I don't see it realistically happening.

It gets worse and worse. Nobody is in charge. Don’t go! I wonder if even your friend will enjoy it.

13 people in one house? Unless it’s huge, hard pass. What are the sleeping arrangements, especially now there are extras (the dc) going?

I’d 100% cancel. It’s weird AF to leave your own kids at home to go on holiday with other people’s. Hard pass. It’s really not on that the birthday girl is blindly accepting this and expects everyone to else to also be fine with it and still give up their time, annual leave and money to go as singles on a group family holiday. Just such a weird dynamic! There’s also something a bit wrong with your DH if he thinks that this a normal thing to do and it’s really odd he’s so invested in you going. Honestly out of everyone you sound like the only sane person…

I think you should go, OP. Cosy up to the other woman who said she wasn’t bringing her kids. Thumbs up or heart her message.

When you’re there the kid people will hang out together, you have lots of new people to meet and maybe some of them will become new friends.

I've got to say OP, this is sounding less appealing with each new bit of information.

Check with your df who’s taking their kids. It’s wholly unfair to be sold an adult weekend away if others are taking their kids. Are they single parents or are their partners refusing to gave them as cycling is more important to them?

OK I’d originally said you should go, in order to maintain a friendship, but that was when I thought it was about 5 women with 2-3 kids coming along. If there are 13 adults in the group chat, and now several are talking about bringing their kids, that changes it completely. In fact, I’m not even sure you’ll find a house that accommodates so many people, unless it’s a stately home! It sounds as if there could be 20+ people! I’d be bowing out now I think.

OP, you are a bed payer.
Ignore your husband.
Thanks but no thanks.

So adults paying equal cost but some filling extra beds with their dc ? Yet another piss take no?

So you were expecting a short stay with 5 women, and now there are 13 of you including children? Where will they even sleep?!

I'd cancel. But go on a solo trip without DC. Or perhaps invite another friend not part of this circle.

Fwiw I have 3 friends I'd consider going on holiday with (and have been). I still prefer going alone.

That would be my idea of hell. I think it’s completely reasonable to drop out rather than force yourself into a weekend you probably won’t enjoy.

So where are these extra kids going to sleep? Watch out you don't get pushed out of your room for them.

Honestly, I'd sack it off. A real friendship shouldn't need nurtured the extent that you endure something you'd not signed up for.

No from me. Not going to doend ny timecwith other people's kids

Nightmare.
Don't go.

What’s wrong with blending into the furniture? Take a good book and just chill and have cups of tea in bed and then join in to what you want, when you want. It’s a mini break with friends not a work conference. I think you’re assuming you all MUST do everything all together but that’s not my experience of mini breaks with friends.

If people bring kids they can stay behind at the accommodation and drink wine while the rest of you head out together adults only. Surely people aren’t bringing their kids AND dictating that all plans should accommodate them?! I’d assume they’ll just join in to what they can during the day and the rest of you will do your own thing as planned.

Are you all staying in one house? Or separate hotel rooms? Will you travel together or separately? Travelling with kids is the worst!

From your op you are only friends with the birthday woman (who isn't bringing her kids) so potentially you can spend time with her on holiday together while the others look after their kids they are bringing?

That would work quite well for me tbh! As long as I had my own room to retreat to

Now I definitely wouldn't go.

Uh Oh OP I feel you are going to be coming down with D and V the day before you are due to go.

Take your friend out for a nice meal afterwards to celebrate her birthday and as an apology for not being there.