To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

I like the idea of pointing out that I'm feeling up space.

Especially as the house is meant for 12 not 13 people.

Do not lie! Say you expected an adults only weekend, if you had known children were invited you would have either declined or wanted to bring your own children, you can’t justify having a weekend away with al these other families whilst leaving your own kids at home! Is there any other accommodation nearby where you and your DH could take the kids and then you could opt in and out of any activities?

Yeah, don't lie. There's no reason to.

But if there is 4 or 5 kids going now, she'll know its not about her daughter. Just put your big girl (woman) pants on and say something like 'I thought it was going to be a girls only adult weekend away, I was so looking forward to this womens weekend away from the kids sorry but its no longer appeals to me/suits me, I'll have to cancel (raincheck whatever) and how do I go about getting a refund?' Don't worry about insulting any parent, did they worry about insulting you or the birthday woman when they said they were dragging their kids along? No.
If you don't stand up against these, these people will continue their lack of self awareness. You need to take a stand against it. Be a strong assertive woman with your big girl pants on!

I really, really dont' think you should lie - particularly to the point that you are hiding in your house!? You are an adult and can spend your time and money as you see fit. She is an adult and should stick to a plan - or give people the option to change plans if she decides to. Everyone is behaving very oddly here.

I really think you just say something like 'Dear X, I am so touched that you wanted me to spend your birthday with you and I was so excited to have some time to get to know some of your friends and have a much-needed break from the kids! A lot has changed since we first planned this, and I am going to give this one a miss - maybe we can get the kids together / get some kid free time next week/month/whatever? I hope this will help to free up some space in the house as it looked like it was getting pretty tight! Hope you have an amazing time x'

Not really. It wasn't sold to you as a weekend away with children. You are overthinking it. Just say to your friend how you would like to celebrate their birthday with them and offer a different time/activity.

Why lie? That's as bad as people changing their plans. The fact you are then on about keeping a low profile and not being seen out is ridiculous.

I don't see why you can't simply say sorry the weekend is not quite what I was expecting and I was under the impression it is child free. Hope you all have a lovely time but count me out.

Lying about not going is simply bizarre.

No way would I go on holiday with other people's kids and not my own

OP I'd question whether it's worth all this pretending to the point where you can't even enjoy the bank holiday. The truth is fine here.

I get loneliness and trying to make new connections but maybe these aren't your people. Don't act like you're a beggar that can't be a chooser.

to be clear - I love being around my friends kids with my kids. We don’t have family so we have the pretend cousins of our friends kids. And it’s lovely to all be together!

but I never ever get time away from my children and I can’t see why I’d pay to spend time with some random person’s kids while leaving my own behind. No idea why anyone would do that honestly.

don’t pretend anything - her dh will be hanging out with your husband anyway so that will be awkward quickly!

@holidayblues25 is right.

I'm shocked that you have been placed in this position. The weekend sounds an absolute nightmare, completely different from how it was first sold.

On another note, it's refreshing to discover how many here don't want to be around other people's kids! 😁

Noooooooo

Don't fake anything, you're likely to get caught out.

Also if you cancel now they have time to find someone else for your room.

Send apologies, can't make the weekend now, have a lovely time, we'll get together soon.

If she pushes for a reason tell the truth, you don't fancy a weekend with someone else's children while yours stay home and anyway you were looking forward to a child free break.

She changed the terms without consultation.

The more you post, the worse it sounds. Just pull out. It sounds more trouble than it's worth.

It would definitely put me off, my children are older but when they were younger I could tolerate them - I'm not kee on other people's children at the best of times. I certainly wouldn't want to go on holiday with other people's children if I could avoid it.

send your kids, but you stay home and have a child free weekend 😊

I would definitely cancel. It’s the space aspect as well. Even without you taking kids everyone is bound to be squeezed in now with 4 extra people! You agreed to go based on a certain sized property for a certain amount of people. They’ve changed the mood and the living arrangements completely since you agreed so you shouldnt feel guilty about changing your end of the deal.

No dynamics have changed, you don’t want a break with other people’s DC. Cancel it OP. It’s fair enough, going out of your comfort zone was a good thing but this has turned into your idea of a nightmare.

Why not be honest and say to your friend “I’m so sorry but I thought it was an adults weekend away, I would have politely declined if I thought it was kids too. Would I be messing everyone around by bowing out of the weekend?” And see what she says.

Is the property booked yet? Because you can’t just book a place for 13 and then add a collection of kids, without confirming with the owner first.