Should he come to the funeral?

I really think it depends - DH came to one of my grandparents funerals, but missed the other due to a clash with a work charity event he was really involved in. He was very conflicted and could have managed both, but it would have been tight. In the end, I mentioned it to my parent and surviving grandparent, who took the decision out of his hands and told him not to come.

I missed DH's DGM's funeral because my DF was dying and I was at his bedside. In any other circumstances it wouldn't have occurred to me not to attend. I wanted to be there for DH but the wider family fully understood why I wasn't there and supported that.

No. We have strict jobs that specify what relationships get time off for funerals. Mine is more flexible in that I can swap time/take short notice annual leave to cover one that falls outside the "acceptable" level of closeness but dh can't.

He didn't attend my gran's because of this. More recently he's missed two of my aunts and an uncle, one of which he had a close personal relationship with and saw as a good friend but thems the breaks.

I got a few comments re: the latter. People didn't understand but I did.

Those of you who would be upset if your husband/partner didn't attend your grandparent's funeral, why is that? Is it because you would feel that your partner didn't consider your feelings important, or would you think that it would cause comment? As I said, I did go to my husband's grandparents' funerals, but that is because we were close. There are relatives of my husband whose funerals I absolutely wouldn't go to, even if he would, and nobody would raise an eyebrow.

I wouldn’t be bothered if my DH didn’t go to a grandparent’s funeral. I’m not sure I’d even start with the assumption he would be going unless he was close to them in his own right.

No. If someone has a busy job, work has to come first. I certainly wouldn't expect a partner/spouse to attend.

Think it depends on the circumstances ie relationship with family etc. I’d like my DH to attend if I felt I needed support.
when maternal GM passed away DH couldn’t get out of something important at work so didn’t come to actual funeral service but did come to wake afterwards. I was upset at the time but was with family anyway. When paternal GM passed away DH was able and did come to funeral which I appreciated

DH didn’t come to my grandmother’s funeral because he was working. I didn’t need him there though because my family were with me.

It depends on what his role is in the union. If it is important, and they are discussing a particular course of action, it could well be bad for him to miss it. It isn't as if OP was going to be completely on her own, presumably her family will be there, and her husband wasn't close to her grandmother.

Could he go to the service but leave straight after to go to his meeting?

Only one funeral for your nan. There will be other union meetings. I can't believe he wouldn't go.

We don't always go to funerals because of our relationship with the person who died. Sometimes we go to funerals because of our relationship with the person who is alive.
For me, it would be a big deal that my husband asked me what I want. Then I need to express what I actually want. Even if he didn't ask me, I still need to express what I want and/or need.....he's good at knowing me after 30 years but mind reader isn't in his list of qualifications!

Yes, my DH came to my Granddads funeral and I went to his Granny's. He barely knew my Granddad as he had been ill for so long but he didn't go for DGF, he came for me.
Attending eachothers family funerals is very much a non negotiable for me. It's our jobs to support eachother.

I'm sorry for your loss. Is the funeral close to his work? Could he maybe do the meeting and go to the wake? At the end of the day its up to you - sounds very much like its about you wanting his support since he hasn't seen her for a while he would be going more for you than because he wants to? And how you would feel about that - only you can decide.

I wasn't close to my grandparents so didn't need support. My DH didn't go to any of their funerals.

DH didn’t come to either of my grandmother’s funerals. In our case it was largely down to childcare (young children) but at least in part because it wasn’t as if I didn’t have my blood family for support, and really my role as I saw it was to support my mum/dad.
he did come to my father’s funeral and I went to his parent’s funeral. He had an adult relationship with my father as did I with his parents.

My grandfather is likely to die relatively soon. I wouldn't expect DH to come to the funeral. I didn't attend his grandmother's as far as I can remember as I stayed home with DS instead.

I did go to the funerals of both my husband's grandparents, but I was very close to them and grieved for them as almost if they were my own (I don't mean I made their deaths about me, but it was a support to the family knowing that I had loved them) It doesn't sound as if that was the case with OP's husband and her grandmother.

He should put you before his union meeting.

My partner came to my grandfather’s funeral, but couldn’t come to my grandmother’s due to work commitments. I’d have liked him there for support, but ultimately it’s not like I was going to be alone or isolated - my entire family were there.

I think I’d find it stressful rather than helpful to have him at the funeral.

We had my grandma’s funeral in December. DH stayed home with the kids, they had school. Didn’t bother me and it didn’t occur to anyone else that he should be there either.

I'm in the minority, but I don't really see why he should go. It is your grandparent who has died, not your parent, and it doesn't seem as if they were close. If this union meeting is important, then he should go to that: it's not as if he wanted to skip the funeral to go to a football match. I don't think he should be angry and pass agg with you about it, but I also don't see why you need him to be there. I'm sorry for your loss, but you might find it easier just being there on your own and talking with people who actually knew her very well.

He absolutely detests funerals, you don't need him there and he wasn't close to your nan.

I really don't think I'd expect him to go if it was me.

my reply remains the same... he should go to support you