SD medication to feel better

I honestly think it’s pretty likely she’s not telling you something. Or that she’s not coping at the moment but doesn’t really understand why. It’s a diagnostic criteria for depression and anxiety actually - that your reactions to life events go beyond proportional sadness or worry into something pathological. The person sufffering might also be attributing their feelings to some events/ difficulties while ignoring or denying the impact of others. So your stepdaughter might actually be super stressed out by her university course, but currently attributing that stress to her car problems. Or maybe something happened that she doesn’t want to talk about - like she was assaulted or harassed by a guy at university, and she only feels safe around her boyfriend at the moment, so she’s finding it hard to cope without him around to a point that would look weird if you don’t know the rest of the story.
Obviously I’m speculating, but I’m just trying to show you how easy it would be for you to be jumping to completely the wrong conclusions about her emotional state because you’re assuming she’s telling you the whole truth. My experience of being 19 was that many of us did not share everything with our parents at that age. It’s not a reflection on your relationship with your young adult child or on your parenting. It’s a normal part of growing up and being independent for many young people.
Don’t tell her you think she doesn’t need medication or that she’s obviously not ill enough for medication. Do tell her that doctor in other countries follow up those medications with weekly appointments and counseling and you’d like to give her that care too. Either she’ll decide on her own that she doesn’t need the meds and the fuss of that many appointments to deal with her emotions or she’ll be getting safe and hopefully effective care. Don’t ask her why she’s taking these medicines. She’ll tell you the truth or some of it if and when she wants your advice or sympathy.

She's not your child though! She didn't even live with you! And you have never actually even spoken to her own mother.

And yes - so what - she admitted faking an eye test a year ago - slightly different from being mature enough to go and see a dr because she's struggling

You don't know she would have told you - she only seems to have told you when you quizzed her. She may have - in her own time - but you, by invading her privacy have forced her to do so

'Youthful naivety' implies you think she's being a silly girl and all these things are so minor they shouldn't be affecting her mental health and that you know best

You don't seem to accept that you may be wrong - you're right and that's that

Would I discuss this with her mother? Absolutely not. That is an invasion of her privacy.

But you quizzing her about medication she had been prescribed (and not told you about previously)) and implying her mental health problems are so minor you don't think she needs medication is not an invasion of her privacy?

And you've not spoken to her mother? In 17 years? Then how can you comment on her relationship with her daughter, who lives with her

Well, have you spent time with her? How was she? What has her mother said?

I would be worried about abuse but have you discussed this with her? How much time did you and her dad spend with her growing up - have you taught her about red flags in relationships? The importance of feelings, how to recognise the negative ones and what to do when you feel bad?

Exactly this!

She's not living with you, she lives an hour away and has been even further away for the last 3 months. You are not involved in her day to day life, whether you think her problems are minor or not - you don't get to make any choice regarding her medication, whether she takes it, whether it's appropriate - none of this is under your control and nor should it be. She's a 19 year old woman who is entitled to privacy and to have her choices respected

You don't seem to have any respect for her

I don't know if you can, but I think it would help if when you talk yo your SD you actually chat to her about different countries approaches to mental health, counselling and medication. It might help her to think about alternatives, whether that be exercise, counselling or at least switching the benzo to something like a beta blocker. I often find it useful to think about problems from the point of view of a different country or period in time. I think the humanities academics out there would call this looking at things through a different lense. My degree was in science, so I wasn't taught it all, and my parents are very black and white thinkers. I only learned this skill through counselling but I'm trying to install it in my daughter now. Hopefully this might take any conflict out of your discussions.

Woah. Now I am a TROLL.

Sigh, you still don't get it "I would simply like to make sure that her problems are being explored by the right person for the right reasons." - this isn't a decision you get to make unless she wants to involve you.

It is her decision to make, without you interfering on your (narrow) views on what is acceptable in this circumstance, circumstances where you've already claimed she is wrong, it is wrong, all the stigma etc...

With all due respect OP, you are her step mother, not her parent, she doesn't live with you and lives an hour away by your own admission. She has been living with her boyfriend for the last 3 months and now is back at her mothers house - how well can you know her current situation? Have you spoken to her mother? What are her thoughts considering she lives with her?

As per previous post, I can understand your concern but she is an adult with bodily autonomy.

And yes - in your country the law is that 12 years olds can make medical decisions if they are deemed to have capacity, so your 19 year old definitely can make this decision without needing to confer with you, or have you dictating to her how she isn't unwell and how she doesn't need treatment.

For what's its worth I don't think you're unreasonable about being worried at all. It shows you care.

She's aware that you know that she's taking these meds so can you make sure she's aware of the side effects etc. Are you also able to have a conversation about therapy (concurrently preferably) rather than just using meds long term.

Just btw it's Sunday here. Never a good day to look for sense or kindness on MN. You're damned regardless of what you do.

Not taking medication is also a risk for suicide, as is not seeking mental health support that is person led.

That doesn't fit in with your black and white anti medication / anti psychiatric views though so you will just insult anyone who raises those points.

I have a lot of experience with a lot of other people's lived experience too - you have no idea about what I do or do not know or what I have and haven't lived through.

You come across as over bearing and over controlling - you can step parent without being controlling, you can let your ADULT step children make decisions guided by medical professionals without all the stigma you've thrown out in this thread regarding your SD (and you know, previous comments on your SS).

You talk about people committing suicide - well my brother did just that - he didn't seek help as was afraid of what people/family/work would think - your step daughter has sought help, from a doctor not from you - you have made it clear you don't feel her 'problems' are that bad and that you (not a doctor or healthcare professionals) have made it clear she's being silly. You now think she can talk to you?

@PeonyBlushSuede

She's in South Africa. I went to see what her experience was with her brother she mentioned to try and understand why so much vitriol was sent towards me and why she resented her SD taking meds so much.