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Original poster

Is this an act of kindness?

93 replies

Merrygoround8 · 23/02/2025 00:30

Background.

We have a 6 month baby, but she is sleeping pretty well. She is exclusively breastfed overnight (but does take a bottle) and wakes 1-2 times. I say this because it is relevant but I am not particularly exhausted beyond the normal realms of parenting etc (nor have I said I am exhausted). She is in a cot next to our bed and I have occasionally remarked that “I don’t want to be away from her” - again relevant in that I have never expressed desire for a night off or help with night feeds. We could make her night feed a bottle if we wished, and I haven’t ever suggested this is what I want yet.

I accidentally fell asleep on spare bed earlier where I had a quick lie down following a hot bath. Husband aware of this and was in room at the time working.

I was not “ready” for bed in my usual sense which is very distinctly some skincare, contact lenses out, pyjamas etc, and usually flogging some water / having it laid out next to me.

At midnight I wake and find myself in exact same situation, except now in the dark, naked and under the now damp and cold towel (not blanket), bewildered, eyes glued together from lenses.

I am really pissed off!!! Presumably husband thinks this is doing me a favour/giving me an uninterrupted stretch of sleep, but am I wrong to find this totally unhelpful and actually feel that it’s thoughtless at best and quite cruel at worst!?

He has gone to sleep in our bed. He doesn’t seem to have made provision for a night feed so I guess the plan would have been to come and get me at some point. How was that going to go 😂🫠 cold, eyes glued, dehydrated, naked, and staggering back to immediately feed a crying baby.

He literally didn’t chuck a blanket over me. That’s what’s stunned me, I think, but am I being sensitive?

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 23/02/2025 09:28

Very thoughtless of him. I'd be pissed off too.

gettingthehangofsewing · 23/02/2025 09:28

He left you to sleep. There's nothing wrong with that. But if you prefer ask him (nicely) if you fail asleep in the future could he wake you so you can remove your contacts.

Ddakji · 23/02/2025 09:26

Not sure why you started this thread as you seem to already know the only answer acceptable to you.

It’s one night. If you’re going to get so annoyed about this you’re going to find the next 18 years of parenting hell.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 23/02/2025 09:26

I very much “accidentally” fell asleep in that I laid down after a hot bath and must have nodded off. I did not intend to go to sleep; and he was aware of this.

This is laughable.
You are an adult. YOU fell asleep. Take responsibility for YOUR actions. You are incredibly childish.

SleepyLlamaFace · 23/02/2025 09:24

I think you're winding yourself up and telling yourself stories here regarding his motivations, he's probably been a bit thoughtless in not chucking a blanket over you, but to attribute deliberate malice and intentional lack of thought to your 6 month old to the absence of a blanket or wake-up call is a bit unreasonable.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 23/02/2025 09:22

Surely lying down on a bed after a hot bath and being tired could only have one possible outcome...odd that you didn't consider this when you made the choice to lie on the bed

Ellie1015 · 23/02/2025 09:20

For all he knew you might have taken your lenses out already, decided to skip the skincare and as you were on a bed you surely had a cover if you wanted it? Maybe you were too hot.

AgnesX · 23/02/2025 09:11

Damned if he did, damned if he didn't. That said, a blanket would have been good.

biscuitsandbooks · 23/02/2025 09:09

It never ceases to amaze me how worked up people will get over nothing.

You're an adult who chose to lay down in bed after your bath - that's on you. It's not his responsibility to make sure you have PJ's, a blanket and water Confused

Just see it as a lesson learned not to lie on your bed in your contacts and a towel after your bath if it bothered you so much.

SBHon · 23/02/2025 09:08

and having an unclear plan as to how this affects the 6mo
It doesn’t affect the 6mo. They sleep, you sleep, they wake needing feeding and you wake. It’s ok if they cry for a minute while you get pjs on and get ready to feed them.

SBHon · 23/02/2025 09:05

Did the bed not have a duvet on?

He probably thought you’d semi wake up and snuggle under the duvet.

Original poster
Merrygoround8 · 23/02/2025 09:02

To clarify a couple of points.

I very much “accidentally” fell asleep in that I laid down after a hot bath and must have nodded off. I did not intend to go to sleep; and he was aware of this.

I have previously always requested to be woken - we are both like that. I consistently wake him if he nods off putting the toddler down (per request) and we are not grumpy about this.

But fine. There are a large cohort of people that think that leaving someone to sleep in their (known) unpreferred state, and not so much as putting a blanket over them, and having an unclear plan as to how this affects the 6mo still counts as a nice thing to do so there we have it. I’m dramatic and over precious!

OP posts:
MyGhastIsFlabbered · 23/02/2025 08:59

I bet if he'd either woken you up or put a blanket on you you'd be on here moaning about that! He's thoughtless at best but with a 6mo he's probably tired and not thinking straight either. Let it go OP.

TeaRoseTallulah · 23/02/2025 08:11

ItGhoul · 23/02/2025 01:20

You’re being incredibly dramatic and precious about this. You fell asleep and he didn’t want to disturb you, and you’re using words like ‘cruel’? Jesus.

This,it's like I'm reading about a different universe here!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 23/02/2025 08:10

I think you're being a bit precious here and making a mountain out of a molehill

IamnotSethRogan · 23/02/2025 08:05

I duno i just think he thought he'd let you sleep. I'm similar to you in that i have some specific things i do before bed i.e. water, skin care etc but DH just falls into bed and I don't think is aware how annoyed I get if I don't follow my routine.

Similarly, DH and I leave each other on the sofa if we fall asleep....possibly because we can both be a bit vile if woken unexpectedly 😅

BlondiePortz · 23/02/2025 08:01

Do you have a history of finding fault in what people do or don't do for you this all sounds very hard work and draining on the other person

Therehastobemoretolife · 23/02/2025 08:00

You seem hard work ffs

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 23/02/2025 08:00

comfyshoes2022 · 23/02/2025 02:05

I might have preferred to be left to sleep in this situation. A blanket might have woken me. Difficult to know what the right thing to do is unless this is something you’ve talked about before.

Indeed.
Also, the contacts / water / PJs is just being precious. I fell asleep with my contacts on a few times, you just take them out when you wake up, 30sec job. Same with the water, just drink some when you wake up.

SpanThatWorld · 23/02/2025 07:56

SleepPrettyDarling · 23/02/2025 00:39

YANBU. It would have cost him nothing to gently shake you and encourage you to bed, as any of us would do if a partner dozed off on the sofa.

"As any of us would do"

What suits you is not a universal measure of kindness

I hate being woken up. My husband and I have always left the other to wake naturally. No blankets etc. If i wake up when sleep lightens naturally it's much easier to go back to sleep in bed.

stayathomer · 23/02/2025 07:51

I’m so confused- why were you naked and under a towel and asleep? (Sorry I’ve really no idea!) I’ve never put a blanket over someone just nudged them to go to bed but you sound like you need sleep so I’d probably have left you but not naked?! The dehydration thing or contacts I’d never have thought about just because that’s something you do yourself, nobody else is involved.

Onelifeonly · 23/02/2025 07:49

Maybe he was treating you like an independent adult who can look out for herself? Letting you sleep, as you seemed to need it. A blanket would have been thoughtful but maybe he assumed a towel was fine since you were actually asleep with it over you. If it happened to me, I wouldn't think my DH had anything to do with it. I would appreciate he hadn't woken me and got into pyjamas / bed when I woke up cold.

YesImawitch · 23/02/2025 07:48

Omg what a load of overdramatic nonsense!!
You sound hypercritical Op

Not a great personality trait

PeonyBlushSuede · 23/02/2025 07:41

Have you spoken to him yet for his side?
He may have tried to wake you up I know when I've fallen asleep on the sofa i have had full conversations with my husband and said to leave me, but I'm still asleep and can't remember any of it.
Not saying this is the case but playing devils advocate

Bigfellabamboo · 23/02/2025 07:41

Are you always this dramatic? You fell asleep, your husband left you to sleep.

If you're that upset about it take some personal responsibility and think about the fact you laid yourself down comfy on the bed when you obviously felt tired.