To feel guilty for being successful?

Hard agree - ‘there but for the grace of god I go.’
enjoy it because things can change!

@PinkSugarViolets This is me, charismatic and persuasive.

I have worked hard to an extent, it’s more about working smart though. My background is really awful, we had nothing growing up. I applied for a job I had zero experience in. My boss said you get an interview you will get that job as you can talk your way in to anything, I did. It’s not just work though it translates in to relationships both romantic and platonic. Plus negotiating for stuff I can get stuff for free or at discounted rates.

I wouldn’t feel guilty. Life can change in a minute.

@Catapultaway , I'm with you here. I read this thread thinking my parents ensured I got a good education but I've also been personally very determined to succeed since about age 17 and have achieved everything I have done myself as an adult with no hand outs. It's really not that unusual, it's true of everyone I know and lots alot more successful than me.

@ThirdStorm

Yes having a likeable personality is a great asset to have as it smooths the path through life and people will open doors for you and help you and will turn the other cheek if you do fuck up .

The most successful people I know and have been promoted have not been as clever as some of their colleagues on paper but have been charismatic and persuasive .

You realise the majority of people dont get those things either, and plenty go on to be succesfull. You're not as special as you think.
What STEM related job involves working your fingers to the bones, as opposed to just working hard like everyone else 😂

A few posters have talked about it’s not just about working hard, lots of people work hard and don’t advance. I think this is really insightful.

I often have people asking me in my work capacity what I did differently or extra to make it. I’ve no idea and maybe some luck was involved. Lucky I have my health so don’t get sick often, lucky I have an amazing support network and people who have taken an interest in my and offered advice when I most needed it, lucky I’m fairly intuitive and good with people, people have seemed to like me or at least haven’t felt threatened by me. Lucky to have found the right employers who have given me opportunity. Lucky I brought a house when I did as now they are so much more expensive. I’d like to think I’ve had a hand in making my own luck. There is so much too it.

YANBU OP

I suffer msssively with imposter syndrome.

it sounds as though your life has developed really well though - congratulations ❤️

I mean this with kindness I promise…

I think you’re feeling guilty because you’re not acknowledging that there’s a huge element of luck involved too. You absolutely worked very hard to get where you are today and should be proud - but there are others out there who work equally as hard, or harder, who are never going to be able to escape poverty. It’s not always as simple as “just keep working hard”. I’m sure you know this.

Acknowledge the element of lucky too. Stop feeling guilty and start feeling lucky.

"But hey, if you can't see that, or understand what I've written because you're just too pissed off that I made something of myself, feel free to scroll on by!"

I was with you until this.

Yup you obviously had the direction, will and ability to improve your lot.
But don’t forget that every journey has a bit of luck, some have good and some have bad.
To think success is all luck or no luck at all is disingenuous.
Maybe you feel guilty that your journey had a sprinkle of good luck.
So enjoy it, but give back a little.
Increase your charitable donations, or give your time in areas that would help others.
There’s probably more joy in knowing you’re paving the way for others behind you rather than simply just feathering your own nest.

I was completely on your side etc.. but this post seems a little mean and it feels like it is very important to you to have the the narrative 'i came from nothing and have worked hard to earn my way to a nice life'. Any challenge to that narrative you do appear to find quite threatening. I wonder if your post is also about getting validation for what you see as how well you've done in life.

Don't get me wrong. You've done nothing wrong at all in earning well and providing form your family. You have chosen jobs that earn well and worked hard like many millions of people do, and now you enjoy a privileged life. That's ok.

However, when you wrote My mum worked incredibly hard to get her degree while I was a young child and got herself a good career, she bought us a lovely house and took me on nice holidays and paid for my dance classes when I was in secondary school ... I always loved horses from being tiny but obviously we could never afford one. This doesn't really feel like a very underprivileged life or a life where you were not given some privileges. It doesn't feel like poverty.

It's fine to say 'my parents couldn't afford horses but now I provide horses for my kids' and feel guilty others don't get to ride horses. But it's also ok for people to challenge you a little bit and point out that your life as a kid sounds similar, or even a little better off, than 80% of the UK. I don't know many people that had horses as kids. Lots of people can't go on holidays or to dance classes. Lots of people have parents who will never be able to attend university or get off benefits. Lots of people.grew up.in rented accomodation with their parents unable to buy them a hime. That's not to knock your experiences, just pointing out that it sounds like you had quite a few advantages. And that's ok. You are likely grateful for what you had.

I think maybe if you can find yourself voluntary work in a charitable field it will really help you feel less guilty about your privilege, but may also help open your eyes a little to the realities of poverty in this country currently and I'm sure many children could benefit from your financial or time support and would love to come and visit your horses...

I feel guilty sometimes for having a nice home, having jobs that I have always loved and worked hard in etc. I think I have done a lot better than what the careers advisor at school told me, especially given I'm a single parent.
I do remind myself often that lots of people work hard, the NHS has lots of workers who work hard who most probably don't have the same earning potential as someone working in tech or the corporate sector.

Nothing to feel guilty about . You worked for it and made some good choices. It didn't fall out of the sky into your lap and you didn't cheat anyone . Enjoy your lovely home and feel proud .

And yes, contribute time and money and support charities and communities, but face up to the truth that no amount of doing this will change the unfairness of life. Otherwise you compound your guilt - why can’t I do more and fix everything…

Very interested in this thread as also feel guilty and helps to know others feel the same. One thing I try to internalise is to know the horrible truth that life is unfair.
Like we got lucky- we’re not special or amazing but we had some fortune - the world is horribly unfair place and my guilt is wanting it to be different and wishing things could be fairer and better for everyone is futile in the face of what is a universal truth. It’s sort of a fatalistic way to deal with it but it helps me (a bit.)

A sense of belonging is massively overrated.

You're a pioneer, op. Be proud of that. And proud of where you come from. And obviously what you've acheived.

If you still feel guilty, contribute in other ways to helping others break the poverty cycle. Become a mentor? Or donate to Magic breakfast.

I could have written parts of this. I also had a very strong single mother who was my inspiration. I’ve done pretty well for myself , worked very hard through my career making many choices to prioritise my career and scrimped and saved for the things I wanted like my home. I feel fortunate but try not to forget I made it happen. Although I’m sure I had some luck along the way. I sometimes wonder why me, I don’t think anybody would have predicted my success. I wasn’t particularly clever at school and I didn’t go to uni (went later once I’d picked my career), I just worked hard - long hours, travelling, always taking on more responsibility, etc. I sometimes worry it will all go away one day so I try to never take it for granted. I try to be modest but I’m mindful I earn quite a bit more than my friends. But then they have had their own successes like raising their children into adults which I’ve not done as never had a family just a divorce.

I always feel guilty for being in a comfortable position when I see people with so little that work their fingers to the bone and through no fault of their own still struggle. It is because we care OP and that is a good thing as we will always go the extra mile for the under dog. I find just trying to give back as much as I can helps.

Thats a shame you feel guilty when all you should feel is pride. You aren't responsible for the whole world op.

You saw your mum work hard to earn the money to be able to change your lifestyle. This instilled a work ethic in you. You’re a product of exactly what education is for, you’ve taken your education seriously and as a result are qualified and now earn good money. Do not feel guilty. Every child gets an education, it’s free. Unfortunately not all children have parents who value this or see it as a route out of the cycle their lives are in. Enjoy what you have, you’ve worked hard for it. I agree with another PP that you could look for a mentor scheme or like to support young people if you feel that you want to ‘give back’.

You absolutely don't need to feel guilty for what you have. Enjoy it. There is nothing to feel guilty for as you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

That said, and I really don't meant this meanly, you did earn what you have but lots of people have worked equally as hard as you (like your mum and millions more), many may even work harder, but they don't have what you have. You do not need to feel guilty at all. But instead of focussing on the fact you 'earnt' it (which can imply others don't have as much because they didn't work as hard at it, which I don't believe to be true), focus a bit more on how lucky you are.

Your work sounds like it's not in a very giving role? So maybe it will ease your guilt if you incorporate some more charitable work into your life, a bit of giving back? to communities like where you were born as a thanks to your mum for her hard work and inspiration and so you can help support the next generation?

A life of luxury which doesn't also involve giving back is not one I would enjoy. Plenty do though! So no need to feel guilty!