To feel guilty for being successful?

Therapy would help you, as otherwise you ll pass on poor coping skills to your daughter.

Google the Golden Decade. Seriously your wealth generation is mostly luck, layered on top of your hard work. Right place, right time is a huge % of wealth generation over the last 50 years. It was often down to getting onto the property ladder before prices skyrocketed.

The picture of what looked like a slum that someone shared, as an illustration of what poverty really looked like. Yes 80% of people lived like that, at that time.

There was MASSIVE social mobility since 1960 to now, the same level of social mobility was not seen for 100s of years before. Not everyone benefitted to the same degree, regardless of work ethic.

Its really not all down to hard graft, the grafting was always done, there was generations of grafters that didn't move up the social ladder.

Its mostly down to global, economical changes, the post WW2 boom (after so much devastation and loss of life), combined with massive technological changes over the last 50 years.

Its still ongoing, there s going to be huge social shifts over the next generation, some up, some down due to mass migration and technological advances.

See, I see the opposite, I feel hated by society because I don't have money, I've also worked 7 days a week, through the night and back to day shifts, juggling two jobs and it's also damaged my health.

I did that in a role that practically rather than financially supports society, it was my time and labour instead of money because the 'value' on the work I did was low, although the benefit to society was high, and I simply am not earning enough to contribute financially at the same level. Your tax bill is probably more than my annual income.

But both roles are integral to society working at all, higher earners pay more financially and lower earners are the ones providing the services in the first place, one side cannot function effectively without the other.

Without higher earners paying in more, the services can't be funded, and equally without those working in those services to provide them, the services don't run.

I don't necessarily think one 'side' works harder than the other, the contribution is equal effort, but delivered in different ways.

I don't 'hate' people with money, I do take exception to those who completely disregard any contribution made by anyone else that isn't financial, because it takes more than money to make society work.

I don't feel guilty for what I have, I feel incredibly privileged and I'm very aware that what I have came from having a huge leg up, largely from the expectations and discipline that my parents gave me. We didn't have money but I had an incredibly lovely and lucky childhood in the countryside, my parents expected a lot but I was immensely supported. I definitely don't feel guilt though because I didn't do anything wrong or take from anyone else. I could absolutely do more to help others who don't have my privileges though.

I completely agree. And actually maybe this is why OP needs the rags to riches narrative. I'm wondering if her telling herself how hard her life was as a kid helps her feel less guilty about the money she has now. Maybe it helps her feel more deserving ("I'm not one of those silver spoon people. I actually 'earnt' it. I'm from a council house like you etc...") ...

OP - you are allowed money. It's ok to be rich, have horses, have a new bathroom, have holidays or not, have a beautiful country pad. Don't feel guilty and don't feel you need to appease your guilt by reminding yourself you were poor when you were under 10.

It's ok to have money. Its okay you had holidays and dance classes as kid when others didn't. It's ok your mum bought you a house and you saw her work hard and have worked hard yourself

Just accept yourself, and then start doing some charity work/volunteering/giving back...

Exactly - interestingly OP keeps amending their narrative.

Even if you had a nice upbringing you shouldn't feel guilty imo

So WHO does deserve it then OP if not you?

Have you considered therapy OP? It is sad that the guilt is eating away at you like this.

It’s a point YOU made, OP. You brought holidays!

She said she was poor but other than that she seems to have had a loving mother that grafted and worked hard to provide for her and who by secondary school had bought them a house, was taking them on holiday and was paying for dance lessons. She hasn't mentioned any other hardship except not having money when under age 10. Like literally millions of people world wide.

Poverty in and of itself is not great, but hardly unusual. She had love, she has a great role model, and by secondary school she was living a more privileged life than many.

Sure she's worked hard and well done to her. I don't want to knock that, it's fab. I'm pleased she has the horses and the life she wanted. But I don't really get why she needs to cling onto the rags to riches story when really in so many ways she has had a lot of opportunities and privilege and whenever someone suggests she sees things slightly differently she harks back to how hard done by she was...

I'm not an expert in any way, but from what limited knowledge I do have of it, it's starting to sound a bit like Imposter Syndrome, the feeling people get that their lives should not be theirs? You should never feel guilty for achieving things you yourself have worked hard for. Has someone sayid something to make you feel guilty about it? out of jealousy probably? 🤷‍♀️

I made different choices from some of the people I grew up with . I was careful and creative with money which now gives me a comfortable life style . Some of the people who had the same opportunities and income bracket as me chose to spend their money on bingo, gambling , takeaways , smoking. Fair enough their money their choice . The same people who are now complaining they have no
Pension or assets and calling me a Lucky Bastard . I made my Luck .

Really?

She says her early life was horrible

She seems to have done better than I have

I don't know her but am happy for her

You feel guilty partly because of bitter, jealous arseholes like this who feel the need to drag other people down and make stupid, sarcastic comments, rather than celebrating other peoples achievements.

I recognise where you're coming from @SailorSerena. I've 'done well' for myself from humble beginnings too. The journey was bloody hard at times.

I think the feelings you're describing are rooted in the same psychology as survivor guilt - or at least that's the case for me. I recognise how despite all my hard work, a huge amount of my good fortune is just that - luck.

Luck that I kept my health and therefore the energy to keep going.

Luck that I have the mental resilience to keep kicking myself up after set backs (a huge amount of this is down to childhood).

Luck that I was intelligent enough and had enough family support that I can out with a good education which opened opportunities for me.

Luck that I had some material belongings to sell to finance the path which led to be trebling my income (I would not have been able to do it orherwise).

I've seen many equally deserving people (if not more so) fall at the various hurdles that appear for people 'like us' and I was just lucky that the ones that cropped up for me didn't end my progress.

When I'm feeling a little insecure that manifests as imposter syndrome. When I'm feeling more confident it's just an awareness to constantly be grateful for what I have and feel compassion and understanding for those who don't have it. Either way, I learned a long time ago to be more interested in people for who they are rather than what they do for a living.

People born into real wealth are raised with a sense of entitlement that success will be theirs for the taking. It can breed arrogance but it's also a trait that can contributes to good, strong leadership because they're not wasting time second guessing their decisions. People raised without that expectation can often feel slightly 'anomalous' or undeserving I think, and that's where the guilt comes from.

You absolutely deserve what you have, you've worked very hard for it. Also, sometimes hard work is not enough, sometimes it's simply luck or being more likeable (character), meeting the right people is a decisive factor in achieving success. But if you feel guilty, perhaps do some charity work if your success bothers you?

Also just to add. Hard graft is great and people who worked hard and have achieved whatever it was they wanted, whether that's a big house or life satisfaction or their dream job or whatever, then great! But lots of people work equally hard and can't get out of poverty. And some people would love to work hard, but can't.

I am from a tough background. I won't go into details. But I'm lucky now that like the OP, I have a nice house and can afford extra curricular activities for my children etc.. (I don't have horses because I'm not into horses! but I guess if I desperately wanted one we could make some adjustments to be able to save for one!)

However, one of my siblings was so traumatised by our upbringing they will never be able to leave their council owned flat for people with mental health conditions. They live in squalor with their MH difficulties making it impossible for them to accept help or offers of money or assistance from others. There are flies often in their home because they lack the skills and clear mind to be able to clean it or accept help to clean it. They hear voices daily that persecute them, that scream in their ears, and that stop them leaving their flat, let alone ever getting job

Sure, like millions of people I have worked hard in various jobs since the age of 12, and my work in a professional role now helps me pay for my current lifestyle. But my sibling works harder than I can ever imagine, just to survive every single day of their life.

I am not superior or better than anyone else because I have been fortunate enough to keep a good job. I am lucky. Our early trauma didn't fuck me up as much as my sibling. I went to a nice school. I had good friends at school and didn't fall off the edge into substances. I am relatively smart by some accident of genetics, so kept up in school and was able to get a degree. I got a grant for uni, I got my masters funded for me through my employer. I got a salary during my doctorate. I met a lovely man who is now my husband. Various employers took chances on me at various stages of my life

The OP is a bloody lucky woman who wants a pat on the back for her good fortune. I mean well done to her for working hard. Well done to her for using her privilege and opportunities to get what she wanted - horses and farm house. But I think she also needs a dose of reality and a bit of gratitude.

Well we should do more to celebrate success in this country alwsys seems to be the way to have to hide your success or not be proud of it whilst still being humble.

Also is it luck? Sometimes opportunities are presented to us and it can be fear ot other reasons we don't take them. That's not luck thats a decision we make not to take it or make the most of it when we are given it.

I don’t think it helps that society seems to have a hatred for people who have money. Me and DH have money. We didn’t start out with money but have worked 7 days a week and often through the night for decades - damaging our health. As children we slaved over school - straight A students - and both went to Cambridge (nobody in either of our families had been to university). We then did professional qualifications whilst working. Evenings and weekends were spent studying.

Anyway. I don’t feel guilty about having money because we have half killed ourselves getting it. I am however quite withdrawn from society. I know I am hated so I prefer to completely disengage and be with my family and dog. People cite the “1%” as the problem - but in reality, me and DH have paid astronomical amounts of tax and taken almost nothing from the state. What we have taken is stuff like childbirth on the NHS and vaccinations.

What’s worse is that our children are considered “rich bastards”. They aren’t considered to be hardworking offspring of hardworking parents - they are just rich bastards who went to a private school. Both have 9x9 at GCSE because they worked until the work was done - no matter the time. People would just say: oh they went to private school and essentially bought those grades. No. They did not. There are kids failing Maths and English in their school. My kids worked exceptionally hard and sacrificed social stuff and earned the grades themselves.

My ds is white, male and ex private school. It is socially acceptable to consider him to be the scum of the earth. In fact, he’s hard working, kind and quiet. And probably ought to emigrate.

That looks like a rather different time and situation from what the OP describes. The OP is also sad they can't go on holiday this year despite feeling guilty for owning horses and a nice country pad.

This is why many of us 'council house brats' don't ever speak about our life experience

It's bragging
We were lucky to have brains
We were lucky to have a skill
We were lucky to have summink summink
Fings are different now
Blah blah blah

I'm tapping 60 now and will happily tell anyone who looks at us, cars, house, lifestyle and mutters anything even vaguely approximating "it's all right for you" to feel free to fuck off and find ways to replicate the hard graft we put in. You may not get the same results but you will get a better lifestyle and sense of achievement

And I really no longer care how some people choose to hear that. Be abuse I can absolutely guarantee that the vast majority of those moaning has ever had it as bad as we did growing up

This is about 100yards from where I was born, same year.

I don't know if this link will work. Hopefully it will. The dad reminds me of your mum. I think you should watch it to help you understand why some people see you as privileged for having such a great parent.. I'm sure if the girl in the clip was real, and she wanted a farm house and horses, she'd go on to get that. I also think though, she'd recognise her luck and privilege