To not forget a kids party

I used to book that lower number and check with the venue that you could accommodate a few extra if paid extra on arrival on the day and they usually could so that is what I would do.

You can’t see why it’s a wasted £64 when no one got the benefit of it ?

To be fair with all the illnesses going around I’d expect few no shows.

Parents who forget to take their children to parties are a huge pet peeve. Get a bloody calendar. It's showing your children that they're not important. You remember things for yourself, you should also remember to honour commitments for your children that you have RSVPed yes to as a non negotiable. There's no excuse to not go to something you RSVPed to simply because you "forgot" with no extenuating circumstances.

We always do the reminders/ check in a day or two before and have had everyone turn up, I do think it helps.

I haven't missed a party yet, but have been guilty of being on route to a party to realise I messed up the day and it wasn't until the next day... got knows how, I'd looked at the invite on our notice board all week... party parents were none the wiser of course when we did join the next day, but I do think I got lucky I wasn't a day late instead.

Could be illness or parents forgot. Our family tend to do 1 big party age5/6 then actual friends they play with and know the parents. DS children now have 5/6 actual friends they play with all the time and we will prob do the same. It’s rude not to let people know but better not to have a kid who has an infectious illness at last minute. DS was at a party recently when a kid was sick and he took charge 🤣 Told everyone at that side of table to move across to other side. Party parents were in hoots 😂

It is rubbish, OP. I would remember who they are and not invite them to things you have to pay out for again.

But there’s nothing else to be done other than get over it.

I think what most people are missing here OP is that money is tight, and due to more kids confirming than expected, the party went over your planned budget, which might not have been the case if the four kids who didn't turn up hadn't confirmed. £64 is a lot of money, but it's gone now, and not worth losing sleep over.

I once took dd2 a week early. Not only that, but I'd mentioned it to dd2 before school, and she'd told her friends, and was so convinced three others turned up too. Oops. 😊

It happened on DD’s first big party -two kids didn’t turn up. Both parents saw me the day before and confirmed attendance. None of them sent apologies. Tbf both families were a bit strange so I made a note to myself and never had anything more then Hello with them again.
Our soft play allowed to have little extras for absent children though so it wasn’t all lost.

no it isn't. you wouldn't forget an important work meeting, the day you catch a flight, make an important payment or something your really want to do because you write it down, set reminders and make sure you are there.

You didn't lose any money as you had paid anyway. You have no idea why they didn't turn up (could have been illness or family emergency). It's crap they didnt't let you know but you mustn't lose sleep over it. That's life. Do send reminders/confirmations a day or two ahead next time. Chalk it up. Did your child have a great birthday party? That's the main thing.

I voted YABU because you do need to get over it. They are shit bags for not texting you, but why feel anxious about it?

I would just say “sorry we missed you at X’s party, hope all is ok?” With a concerned face.

Amazing how many people can’t seem to work out what a diary is for.

I forgot once but when I remembered I felt awful and messaged the mum and offered to pay for the place and we sent the birthday present to school

made me realise I needed to text or WhatsApp reminders to all guests 48 hours before the party

It is rude not to contact but I would move on , I do wonder with the idea that people are meant to invite everyone in the class how on earth parents manage to fit all the parties and keep up with which child is going to which party when and then unexpected things happen

Parents would need their own PA, if you need to pay for people I would confirm but that is why we have a bit of food and kids show up if they do there is no extra cost parties

I would be annoyed and it's crap on their part but it's money you had budgeted for the party if they had been there you wouldn't begrudge it so try to view as overall cost rather than pp cost

Except they weren't there...and if Op knew that would be the case, she presumably wouldn't have paid that money or would have invited someone else to take their place. It is wasted because the venue was given money and none of the intended children (including her birthday child) benefitted from it. If they were there, she'd have been paying for children to enjoy themselves at the party and her DC to have more friends there. Instead, she has paid for nothing. Generally, people find paying for nothing to be a waste.

They will probably ignore you. It's them that should be ashamed, not you. The CF wanted to bring siblings and then in line with their CF ry they couldn't be bothered. They've red flagged themselves so you now know who to avoid. And if that helps you feel any better, soft play round here is from £30 basic package per head. The ones that don't turn up are often the ones that are the highest maintenance leading up to it. Can I bring all of my 29 kids? Great, even though my kid of age no parent needs to stay. Just to let you know - y kid is allergic to everything except unicorn tears - etc.

You didn't lose out on anything. You'd pay the 64 quid if they were there, you paid when they're not. It doesn't actually affect you or your bank balance either way.
It's annoying and it's bad form but you've not lost anything

I have to hold my hands up- I completely forgot a birthday party once. ( It was at the persons house - and whole class so hopefully didn’t affect them too much )
my wee one had been Ill and missed school- so then there was no mention of party ( from wean or other parents at school gates) and I clean forgot. Sometimes I forget to even look at calendar - even though I always have it wrote down.

YANBU. Not an excuse but is it possible they are away for half term and maybe didn't think about the date when rsvp'ing

Dc2 was meant to go to a party once during half term and we just completely bloody forgot. I had bought and wrapped the present in advance which was so rare for me and come the day of the party it just totally slipped my mind.
remembered on the Sunday before being back to school. Felt awful and texted the party parents apologising. They were so lovely about it but I did feel terrible.
we gave the birthday boy their present at school and invited him back to play one day and have dinner in the week.
Yanbu to feel pissed off but you had already spent that money already so whether they turned up or not you would have been down £64. Sorry though, it’s crap when us parents forget stuff but I’d guess it’s not intentional.

Always happens. I used to send it votes out 4 weeks in advance with a rsvp date of a week later. Then send another a text a couple of days before and a day before reminding

I do like the poster who said abut not putting the location or exact details on invite

Yes, it’s a bit shit but I find that it’s worth setting up a WhatsApp for the party and sending out a reminder that morning. For some people it genuinely slips their mind, especially being out of routine with half term